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Don't you just love it when you a reading a book and you completely agree with what the author is saying! Sometimes when I'm reading I feel like I'm learning, sometimes I am just being entertained by a good story, sometimes I get mad because I don't agree with the thoughts and ideas, occasionally however I completely agree!

As I am reading "Blue like jazz" the author comes to the conclusion that there is a problem with people.  In christian terminology we refer to this as being a "broken" people.  In life this represents our failures.  I am consistently 5-20 minutes late.   I get really excited and tend to interrupt others ALOT.  Laundry and I sit in our own corners and stare  - we'll see who wins.  I can't seem to shake my loneliness sometimes.  I am flawed; I am broken.

What's more though is that the world is broken.  In an incredibly insightful conversation with a friend, the author was confronted with his own humanity.  We are all humans and can do many things - some good, some horrific.  It is not difficult to look around and see the terrible things happening in our world, and often by humans to others.  "Are you capable of that (referring to murdering and raping people in the Congo)" - the authors friend asked.  Rock, meet hard place.  If I say no, I am saying that I am superior.  Therefore I must say yes, sigh - yikes.  The world is broken, and we are all involved and capable of breaking, and ... fixing?

Then the author comes to my favorite point in chapter 1 - I am the problem.  I am the problem.  I am selfish and self centered and hypocritical.  It is too hard for me to actually follow through with doing anything else.  I have to do what's good for me.  I don't have a choice - I need this.  Well at least I don't _______.  I am the problem.

I have been dancing around this idea trying to grasp my own understanding for some time now.  I am the problem in the world.  I like that.  Well, not that I want to be, but I love the honesty and fire it lights.  There is a combination of responsibility, privilege, consumerism, and selfishness I am trying to grasp.

For example, I am hungry - so I go to the grocery store and I buy some bread, salami (my favorite), cheese, melon, and a bar of chocolate.  I am privileged enough to go and buy those things that I like - even though some of them have traveled a long way to get to my plate here in Ohio.  Do I have a responsibility to my brothers and sisters around the world? - perhaps instead of buying a Nestle or a Hershey's chocolate bar I can buy one that is fair trade (like coffee).  Don't I have a responsibility to be an informed and good consumer?  However that is complicated, difficult, and I just want my lunch.  So salami sandwich (I have no idea about the quality of this meat and or the chemicals in it...) grill in my sandwich maker so I can have what I want.

Yes, I am the problem.

But I can help.  It takes time, knowledge, and I will mess up.  But I have to care.  I have to know where my food, my clothes, my money goes to support.  It is my responsibility.  So -

Little things I can do:
- be a chocolate snob (thanks Molly McKay!) buy organic fairly traded chocolate - it's better!
- look for local markets for produce
- buy things in season so they don't have to be shipped to you across the planet (bananas in Feb in Ohio)
- know your butcher and where your meat comes from
- research brands and companies - clothing, shoes, stores
- be picky and willing to spend a little more to make a difference for someone you'll never know
- share good food/clothes/information with your friends
- buy local - shop at the little stores and boycott the box stores whenever possible

Gotta love Ghandi -
"Be the change you want to see in the world."

I am capable of atrocities.  I am also capable of love.

In peace with love,
your sister in Christ~Erin