Reservoir

“If then you are wise, you will show yourself rather as a reservoir than as a canal. For a canal spreads abroad water as it receives it, but a reservoir waits until it is filled before overflowing, and thus communicates, without loss to itself, its superabundant water. In the Church at the present day, we have many canals, few reservoirs.” – Bernard of Clairvaux


I love the church, my church, the United Methodist Church, and I have a fondness for the ecumenical movement.  
I am a young adult.  
Today, that isn't the most common combination out there.  
I hear, read, and see a lot of conversation about what we as a church are doing wrong, or ways to improve, or talk about SIMPLY living out the gospel instead of getting caught up in the bureaucracy of "religion."  I do worry about the future of my church.  (hence why I read the blogs/have the conversations)  Yet I'm not about to jump ship - I'm actually planning on staying aboard (and getting ordained!).  
Culture, context, social location, I'm learning are all major factors in a person seeking and accepting the grace God offers us all.  And even more so - having one's basic needs met.  Without clean water, a steady and strong roof over your families head, access to education - there may be more important things to deal with than a confusing idea of salvation.  
With the advent of the internet at our fingertips, everything from ancient philosophers teachings to Pinterest boards of "Outdoor Inspirations" are even more available than the public library.  Social Media is an integral marketing aspect of our ministries and our churches.  Yet I hear many young adults asking for simplistic ways to "change the world" and spouting a desire to serve others.  While honorable (and I do share these sentiments) I also have a firm belief that true and deep faith (not cheap grace) come with involvement in a christian community.  Discipleship matters.  Our language matters.  From how we talk about God to how we talk to each other.  These concepts are not always simplistic, but are what Jesus calls us to - true relationship.  
We, and when I say we I mean all generations of the church, must respect one another and the wisdom and experience we all share.  Opting out of "religion" isn't the answer.  Using "hip and contemporary" movie clips or music in worship isn't the answer (yet engaging worship is great!) deep relationships are what we all desire, meeting peoples needs is what we are each called to do, and supporting each other in community is a part of our human nature.  
What will I do?  Continue to be idealist I hope.  Continue to seek God and study those who have gone before me to become a reservoir that can last - not a river of the moment.  


May God's peace be with you on your journey.  
your sister in Christ~Erin 

Always learning, always growing, always challenged

Oh summer camp, how you consume my life for months and allow me to both be myself and stretch me in every way possible!  Oh God how you have given me this incredible blessing of summer camp, yet challenge me to never be still and comfortable!  Anyway - I'm hoping to share more here again on a regular basis now that it's almost September. 

Yet, I am turning to a new chapter in my life as well.  Since last January when I began working full time at camp, I have fully settled in here and LOVE my job.  This summer I had the opportunity to work with an amazing group of young people on staff and support them/challenge them/and see them grow.  I loved every minute of it (even if I didn't think so at the time) and I only hope that God continues to bless our camps and myself with many more years of summer camp!

However, now I will attempt work at camp (full time) with seminary (part time, and as much online as possible).  Yes friends.  I am starting.  Who knows how long it will take me to finish this way - but I love my job in ministry here and I don't want to quit to go to school to do what I'm already doing here!!!  I feel called to serve.  I have a heart for the church, yes I know that she has her flaws - but that's mostly because the church just like the world is full of people, and we are all flawed!  We hold grudges, we like our routines, we struggle with change, we judge each other, and we fail to reach out.  But I still love the church.  (And people in general).  Even after lots of reflection, I honestly don't think that my love of people solely rests upon my intense optimism, it rests upon my Lord and God.  It hasn't always been there.  Many people in my life have hurt me and I have been wounded in ways that don't tend to heal easily.  Yet behold the amazing power and love of God!  He can fill us all with his love for creation and his people.  There are so many others out there still hurting and struggling to simply provide for their families and live life.  Church - lets go to them and help!  In every way possible - from sharing our food to sharing our hearts and welcoming others into our places and spaces, making a home together. 

Never easy, this I know.  But church, I'm not backing down.  I love camp - but I love camp not just for the obvious beauty, but for the fact that camp is such an amazing place to embrace the wounded and nurture them until they are ready to go back out and into the world.  We all need to go.  Jesus makes that clear - "go out and make disciples".  No matter how much we love our churches, our families, and yes even camp - we need to go out into the world and share the love and light of God. 

So I'm going out to seminary.  To learn more to in turn teach more.  I'm ridiculously nervous about it and excited all at the same time.  A deacon.  Sigh.  Someday.  That is my calling, to the best of my understanding.  A deacon working at camp.  ?  Or at least a deacon working in the world. 

Prayers for the world,
prayers for our leaders,
prayers for new students.
Peace,
your sister in Christ ~Erin

What does it look like to follow Jesus?

So my mind has been digesting the scripture from last Sunday for a few days... in the lectionary it was Good Shepard Sunday.  Beautiful imagery of Jesus chilling out in a nice grove of woods with a bunch of sheep.  New testament lesson John 10:1-10.  I am the shepard, I am the gate.

I struggle a lot with this verse.  It rubs me the wrong way.  Did Jesus really say that?  "The only way to the father is through me."  Are my devout, loving, Jewish/Hindu/Muslim friends deceived?

That's the hard question here.

If you read the scripture literally - yes.

But I love this line from Barbara Streisand's movie "Yentel". - "Why would God have given me a mind, if not to ask the question WHY?"  (and am incredibly excited for the opportunity to go to seminary to explore the question why - even if I only encounter more questions...) 

So a friend gently reminded me to look further into the verse.  Written by John... sounds a little more like Mark, and written approximately 70 years after Jesus was crucified.  So I'm pretty sure that John wasn't there taking notes.  Past down information from others through generations (image of a game of telephone here) can still keep the general theme of message, or turn it into something completely different.  I do firmly believe that everyone involved with the passing down of church tradition, stories, and the writing of holy scripture did their absolute best - yet they are still human and imperfect.
 Now I have read 2 Timothy 3:16 - "All scripture is God breathed."  But my mind implores me to go further and not just take that as it is.  (I recognize that I often get criticized for over-thinking.... but this is how my mind works and I take it as a blessing)  Paul wrote this in a letter to Timothy - encouraging him and reminding him about the holy texts that he had been practically raised reading.  I don't believe Paul had any intention of his letters (to Timothy or other believers) becoming HOLY SCRIPTURE.  Yet we base a lot of our daily christian lives on what Paul says... dare I say instead of what the gospels say Jesus said?

Yet this argument is circular (sorry) did Jesus really say that?  What do I do with scripture that seems to be out of character for the God that I am trying to get to know?  I am not trying to make God into what I want God to be.  That's not fair... but way to easy.  It's like becoming infatuated with a person that you only meet a few times and have little contact with, when you don't have that regular contact to get to know them, it's so much easier for them to be perfect in your eyes.  You make them into whatever you want.

I wish I knew Jesus.  What he liked to eat... How his face looked when we was annoyed, tired, incandescently happy... From the scriptures I get the general idea of the things he taught, but I can't wait for the day I can sit and talk to him myself.  Why, oh great God of the Universe, would you (or would you?) deny those who love you, worship you, and serve you - just because they don't believe you came down to earth to die for their sins?  Do you really know what I will choose - therefore not really having a choice anyway?  DO you adapt to my choices, making you not eternal (outside of time/always the same)?  How can you be both just and merciful?  Is hell real?  How do you bear the pain of any part of your creation hating and rejecting you?  At the end of our earthy lives will we have any other chance to accept your love?  How long will you love us?  Even if we never return it?

I love the scripture, and I think it's good to question it and learn more about it.  I don't need to know all the answers - but I NEED to ask the questions.  As instructed by Micah I will attempt to do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with my God.  As as instructed by Jesus I will attempt to love God and love my neighbor as myself.  Yearning to have the fruit of the spirit - (yes I even learn from Paul) Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and self-control.  This is the best I know how to follow Jesus.  I do believe Jesus came and lived and loved, so much so that he sacrificed himself for me. 

But as God - in infinite wisdom and power and mercy - can you accept another way?

Peace,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Hard Truths

In our religious traditions we believe in certain truths.  Some of these concepts come from the bible, others from tradition, still others are based in what we dub as "theology".  Which, as I understand it, is our human understanding of scripture.  Theology differs among denominations, obviously religions, but even more often - individuals.  Here are some basic truths, do you agree? 

God created the heavens and the earth. 
God loves all of his creation. 
Jesus lived and taught how God desires us to live out our lives.  Prophets try to share God's love and warnings to people. 

Would you agree with me that these are generally accepted truths among Christians?  What about some of the less "warm and fuzzy" beliefs. 

God desires a relationship with his beloved children, but can not be in relationship with anyone who sins. 
God hates sin. 
Jesus died to fulfill our (mine and yours) debt to God, for we are sinners and deserve to die as he did. 
Because of Jesus's sacrifice, God offers us his grace which we must accept to gain eternal life. 
For those who do not accept God's grace through believing in Jesus, they will not gain eternal life - they will spend eternity in hell. 
This includes those who have never heard the message of the gospel. 

Now here is where it gets interesting.  Those who say "it does not effect me" are wrong.  Even if you are a believer in Christ, I am sure that you know of others who aren't.  We are also called by Jesus to go out and spread the good news to those who have not heard.  Our compassionate hearts ask, can our God of Love really condem to Hell those who have died as infants?  Or those who have never heard the gospel? 

Well... the bible is pretty clear - there is no other way to the father except through me (Jesus).  John 14:6  However many theologians believe (and teach) that there is a certain age we must reach before God expects us to make that decision.  Or all children that are baptized are accepted by God.  So what do we believe? 

I do have to admit - I don't know.  Now I'm not trying to ignore this issue because it is important.  It is easy to say, well God is a God of mystery and I am not capable of understanding his ways.  But how would my actions change if I really truly believed that all nonbelievers went to hell?  Would I try harder to evangelize?

There is a new book out entitled "Love Wins" by Rob Bell.  It presents this very issue.  Today among my generation we have a difficult time accepting a God so willing to condemn those we know are good and love so much.  We are in a culture of acceptance - but is our God?  Are we simply trying to soften the gospel? Do we really believe that we need to accept Christ into our life?  Will everyone go to heaven? 

A couple years ago I read another book on this subject entitled "If God is Love".  The authors point was that if God is truly a God of Love then he would accept all of his children into heaven no matter what.  Interesting theological point.  In many ways I love the idea, but it's not what I have been taught by my faith tradition or in the bible.  It is very dangerous to make God into what we would like God to be... instead of accepting God and following the path laid out for us.  I learned that the view of God accepting all people to heaven is called Universalism.  One can also be an exclusivist, or on the other side believe in inclusivism (that God saves through Christ but includes others on the basis of what work, and that inclusion is based on response to truth) and accessibilism (that God somehow reveals his saving truth to all humans who have ever lived, and has done so at least one time in the life of each person, and judges on that basis but salvation is only through Christ).  Taken from Scott McKight and his great conversation about Rob Bell's new book. 

I enjoyed reading C.S. Lewis's Narnia series.  In "The Final Battle" there is a beautiful description of a sort of heaven.  Some who were there didn't realize it - they were still in the dark, but still there.  One was of a different faith and baffled to be there, but chosen by God and loved.  Does it cheapen our grace if others who are not like us are "allowed" in?  Doesn't Jesus teach us not to worry about it in the parable of the Vineyard owner (paying all his workers the same no matter how long they worked?)  Matthew 20:1-16 

So here is the rock and the hard place.  Will we know for sure who gets into heaven or how?  If we truly believe the only answer is Jesus, how does that change our actions? 

Praying for direction,
your sister in Christ~ Erin Michelle 

Relating

So a friend of mine got me started on The Circle Trilogy by Ted Dekker a few weeks ago... LOVE it!  The first couple chapters I thought were really weird and I wasn't sure that I was going to get into these books, but I recommend them to anyone who likes a good (somewhat crazy) story.

Thomas Hunter, the main character, falls asleep in the present day world and wakes up in another reality.  A world where the people are completely focused on the Great Romance and their creator - Elyon.  It's a little ... sci-fi ish... but the metaphors and allegory come clear as you work through the books.

Such vivid emotions and descriptions of love, something easily relateable in a story.  Love, loss, war, good, evil these are concepts that are at the core of most of our stories from the evening sitcom line-ups to classics from Shakespeare, Jane Austin, or even Stephen King.  These are the basic concepts we understand our human lives in.

But do we allow such emotion in our religions?  Do I allow myself to have such a deep relationship with my creator?  Well... it's much more difficult.

Yet this book seems to carefully prod the reader - don't you want to have something this meaningful?  It's easy to watch a movie or a TV series and find a situation you relate to, or wish you related to.  Yet, religion can so easily fall away from something that centers around those concepts of love, good, and evil.  It's easy to talk about, academically speaking, but do we really FEEL love in our relationship to God?  Do I?

Sometimes, yes.  Sometimes, no.  So what else do I focus on and is that really worthy of my time and energy?
Great books, great concepts, great way to approach the story of the gospel in a new way.  Thanks Ted Dekker. 

God Bless you and yours,
Your sister in Christ~Erin  

Rabbit Trails

I love the little things that color the world.  Little changes, unexpected, that draw your attention for maybe just a minute or a week... Rabbit Trails we call them sometimes (at staff meetings) and I am fully distracted by them!  All these little things, from blog posts to a radio bit, a comment from someone, a new book, just add a pop of color I didn't expect for my day.  It's fun. 

I know, I'm young.  I don't really know much.  Many days I feel starved for information, yet today- it's not hard to get.  (good sources a little trickery.. )  I can study Bonheoffer online, or contemplate how cool it would be if I could get birds to eat from my hand.  Yes, I know I'm alittle scattered, but it makes sense in my head - and God gave me this crazy head, so I've decided to embrace the way I think. 

Being young and not knowing nearly enough to really have my opinions... (ha - that doesn't stop me) I consistently attempt to listen first and speak later.  Difficult for me, I know.  But I also remind people that as I learn and grow my opinions and ideas will change.  Please have patience for me... and the rest of the human race. 

I just started reading an interesting book called "Black" - by Ted Dekker.  It took a while for me to get into it, but I loved it and am onto "Red"  the next book of the series.  There are great images of a loving God and a people fully in love with their creator.  Spending the better part of each day worshiping or preparing to worship.  The immense love felt by the characters is so touching. 

It's so much easier for me just to contemplate the ideology behind universalism and debate if it is "cheap grace" or not, than for me to really let my guard down and be wholely in love with the God who created me. 

So much easier to put down a book full of, in my head, rediculous oversimplistic claims of conservative evangelist Christianity and go volunteer at a local church and feel good about my social justice - than to really studying personally (not academically) the words of my God. 

Eh?  I dont' understand myself most days... but I'm glad I read.  Blogs, books, billboards... really it all adds fun color and random thoughts to each day helping me enjoy what has been created for me. 

Peace,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Songs of Christmas Past

Hello friends!  Christmas consumes all life!

I do very much miss easy internet access.  Sigh.  But there are other wonderful things in life.  Like Christmas!

So my pastor, knowing how much I love worship, asked me to put together the service for Sunday seeing that she is doing everything for all the Christmas eve services.  YES!  I miss putting services together...

So we are doing a history of christmas carols thing, and I think it will be awesome!  I got a bunch of instrumentalists (go instrumentalists!!!) to play the carols while someone is going to read a short paragraph I put together and then we all sing the first verse.  6 carols, lots of fun.

I just love Christmas, but interestingly enough I recently learned some people really do not.  I love the lights, the smells, the smiles, the decorations, and the SOUNDS!  So happy, filled with love.  But is it over commercialized and not really about Christ's birth?  Well... this is going to sound bad - but who cares?

I take the side of the sergeant in Guy's and Dolls when she finds out the reason all the gamblers are at the prayer meeting is that they lost a bet.  Isn't it wonderful that God can use anything to bring people the message of salvation?  We don't control when people are ready to hear the word - like the parable of the sower, we can't help it if people aren't ready to grow.  But I am grateful that this beautiful and wonderful season gives people the opportunity to (I know it doesn't happen in every household) hear the story of God coming to earth.  What they think of it I can't say.

All I know is that this time of year, more than any other, people are kinder to one another and I'm grateful.  Yes, I would love for that to continue throughout the year, but I'll take what I can get and keep on loving people.  I can only control myself and through the grace of God I will do my best.

I pray that you and your loved ones have a very happy and warm Christmas.  God Bless!

Your sister in Christ~Erin

Oh Books... how I love you!!!! (dreamy sigh....)

I LOVE to read.  Just in case you didn't know.  LOVE IT!

It's a retreat into another world - wonderful, colorful, and full of all kinds of emotion and adventure.  I just finished reading Eragon, Eldest, and Brigsinger only to find out that their is a fourth book that concludes the story but isn't out yet!!!

I just started The Time Traveler's Wife.  Oh my goodness... (happy sigh...)  fabulous.

I was having a conversation with my grandmother (- who is also a reader) about what it is we love about books.  I love the characters - how you can relate, or not, but exploring who they are as a person and why they choose to do what they do with the situations presented to them.  Grandma loves the plot.  Very different from the characters, the story itself not necessarily who is caught up in it.  Finding that out is wonderful insight to my grandmother and what makes us different.  =)

I love people.  Young people - old people.  People in general.  Thank you God for giving me a love of your people.  I think it's where most of my patience comes from.  At the heart of the matter I do believe people are good, even though many times their actions are bad.  Due to circumstances unknown people make a lot of choices that don't make sense or get frustrated, but when you get to know someone you learn all the wonderful things about them.  Their likes and dislikes, how to encourage them or how to make them angry.  The little things - it's what I love about people and in connection - reading about people.

Often quoted from the bible is the saying "We were created in God's image".  People I get.  God?  Not so easy.  I can't just go over to God's place and hang out, learn the things that make God happy, the way God likes a sandwich or just watch the general day to day life of what makes God - well, God.  I want to know more - and all my questions point me to the bible.  But it's not the same.  It's like reading the diary of your best friend and wanting them to be there telling you about it instead.

Yet I was wonderfully warmed by the beginning of The Time Traveler's Wife.  In a way, I felt like it related to my relationship with God.  Sometimes I feel God's presence.  Sometimes I don't.  Sometimes I feel like I know God is with me and where we are going and other times I am alone and lost.  And often it happens abruptly.  I pray for the strength to keep seeking God.  To read and learn more.  To continue to deepen that relationship.

I love to refer to God as "the lover of my soul".  Most day's I can't imagine how anyone who has really seen my soul and who I am can love me, yet I am loved.  Loved and accepted and encouraged.  I also know love isn't just a feeling, it's a choice.  Many times when I am reading stories of what God has done I don't love God - I hate God.  Sodom and Gomorra?  Even the battle of Jericho?  What about the people who lived in that city?  What about the babies of Bethlehem?  It's complicated I know - sometimes it's about human free will... but sometimes it seems like it's about punishment and vengeance.  I have this love for people - all people, not just Christians, not just "nice" people - but all people.  I think if you get to know someone you can find redeeming qualities and pain that causes things that you don't like.  But we are called to love our neighbors.  Everyone.

Faith, Hope, and Love.  I've seen that if I share love, I can give hope, and eventually help teach faith.  But in that order.  Love someone first.  Not just the people who love you.  Love all of God's children.  and love God - even when it isn't easy.

That doesn't mean not to ask questions.  Niether does it mean in this relationship I will always understand or get my way.  But if God can love me with my flaws, I won't give up on loving God and trying to learn more and continue to seek.

In peace and love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

There is a time... WHEN?

I pride myself in being a very patient person.  Especially when working with others... co-workers, supervisors... children...  I can wait.  Yet I am not patient with myself or God.

Well... I think I could be patient if I knew what was coming.  It's not that hard to be patient and wait for a child who doesn't want to eat their dinner, but I know that I'm going to win this battle.  The broccoli will be eaten and life will go on - even if it takes a half an hour or more.

I pray that God has the same patience with me!  I know that seminary is a part of my path.  I know it's up ahead - but WHEN?  When is the time for this learning process?  Do I, or should I, do it all at one time?  What if I go to school part time?  Is that alright?

I know two things.  1- I have to go to school and get my Master's in Divinity and work towards being ordained as a deacon.  2 - I need to start/continue on my career path in camping.

Now - I believe that one day I can combine these two things into a beautiful plan.  I want to do ministry, serve the world (children, families, young people, widows, orphans, etc.) through a camp.  But when Lord?  WHEN?

Today's devotional for me was from Matthew.  In two words:  Don't worry.  Sigh.  Don't worry about the future, don't worry about food, don't worry about where things will come from.  Have faith and continue to seek God.

Seek God.

Okay.  Big breath.  Seek God.  (pray for me?)
Hey- I know you all get impatient too.  I pray for you, whatever your life stage is right now to also seek God first.

In peace,
 your sister in Christ~Erin

Matthew 6:25-34  Do Not Worry

 ²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[b]? ²⁸"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Imagine a world...

Many people tell me I really only about 8 - or act like it many days.  I love to play pretend and color!  Even at work my favorite phrase starts with "Can we... "  I love to rearrange the furniture and change things up to keep it new and fresh.  Color, music, movement, and nothing for too long.  Imagination is a huge part of me.

Yet I am not always stuck in my 8 year old world.  None of us are.  Something makes all of us mature and grow up.  Sometimes we want it... sometimes we don't.  People say the world ages us.  We have all seen pictures of children who seem much older and wiser than their years.  It's the tough situations in life like poverty, hunger, violence, fear, anger, and injustice that age us.

Yet there are many of us who haven't experienced that side of life.  Imagine the college frat boy whose parents pay for college and spends more time partying than studying.  Now imagine the college boy who's father walked out on his pregnant mother before he was born who is working 4 jobs to support himself and his family as he goes through college.  Who is "older"?  Now imagine a 20 something old boy who is in a refugee camp trying to protect his family and get as much education as possible while being displaced and fighting for his daily needs.  Who is "older"?

It's often hard for me to connect to the stories and parables of Jesus.  I wonder what kind of a world he lived in.  Obviously not a world where he grew up going to public school and had his own personal computer to blog his thoughts out to the world and keep up with his friends on facebook.  The stories he tells relates to his life and the lives of the people similar to him.  The broad concepts relate to my life - struggling with money, struggling with sin, not wanting to love my neighbor.  And these are the ways the church and our church leaders teach us today.  Yet their are significant differences.

Social Justice is a concept many "religious" people grab onto and run with or run from.  For some it is what the gospel is all about.  For some it has nothing to do with the gospel and how dare you try to  make it.  I believe social justice is something Jesus was all about.

Love your neighbor.  Not just the one who lives next door or upstairs, but everyone on the planet.  Get to know people who are different than you.  A different race, culture, gender, religion.  Don't judge.  Share your beliefs and your belongings.  Take care of the widows, the orphans, and the sick.  Not just by throwing some money in a plate or towards a charity.  Go out and do it.  It can and may change your life.     That's what Jesus did.  He didn't give all his money to the synagogue  and work towards becoming the next "Nazareth's Carpenter of the Year".  Jesus went out and walked among God's children and told them that first - they were loved.  Second - they needed to follow him.

I read an amazing book (almost in one day!) by Barbara Kingsolver called "The Bean Trees".  It's an amazing story of a young girl whose goal is to get through high school without getting pregnant and make something of herself somewhere far away from home.  She ends up going from Kentucky to Arizona and along the way "inherits" a small child.  Once in Tucson she starts making a life for herself working at a tire repair shop that just also happens to be a safe house for Central American refugees.  In my eyes, it's a story of how Taylor Greer grows up.

My favorite line is during a conversation with a friend who happens to be a refugee from Guatemala who has experienced some awful things in his life.  After hearing his story Taylor says "I hate to say it, but I really don't know.  I can't even being to think about a world where people have to make choices like that."  Her friend replies - "You live in that world."

I live in that world.  We say it all the time, especially faced with something beyond words difficult, I can't imagine... what that would be like, or I can't imagine a world where that happens.

We don't have to imagine it.  It's here.  The question is what do we do about it.  What does our christian faith move in us to do about it?

Give.
Be there.
Go out and love people.

Not just go out and preach to people about how Jesus saves.  I mean, yes Jesus saves.  But if I was a widow walking to the drug store wondering about how I'm going to afford my medication and you handed me a pamphlet about God I might curse at you.  If you walked with me and became my friend, perhaps helped me with my paperwork for healthcare I would say "God Bless You"  and go to church if you invited me.

If I was a poor young adult struggling to find steady work to pay the bills and wondering what is good in this world and you tried to tell me Jesus was good I would ask you if he was hiring.

Meet basic needs.
Preserve human dignity.
Don't do it through a middle man - go out and make a friend.

The best way I know to not get lost in the imaginative world is to experience the real one.  Don't keep yourself in a pretty imaginative world were everyone has what they need.  Go out and live, love, and share the love of God.

In peace,
your sister in Christ~
Erin

Learning the little things

I often get caught contemplating the big questions in life.  What is my calling?  How can I help world poverty and hunger?  How do you put into practice the teachings of God?  Is God really just?  I mean there are a lot of stories in the bible....

But today I was watching two little boys of a friend of mine and we went to the park.  The older one, 4, found an acorn and remembered that earlier I had said that squirrels eat acorns and he said - "For the squirrels?"  The rest of the time he went looking for acorns and digging in the sand.

I was so proud that he made the connection and that today he learned about squirrels and acorns.  It was a big deal in his world and therefore, also in mine.

I struggle with parents who say, I want to let my child decide what to believe when they get old enough.  Well... if we really believe in God and God's love as our salvation - they we should care.  Kids are amazing and they learn so much in a day.  I hope that I can help share my love for God and his love for them to this family as we get to know each other better.

I also struggle with the verse - Only those who come like little children will enter the kingdom of heaven.  Little children don't simply believe what you say, they are inquisitive and get into everything and all over the place - (mentally and literally!)  It makes me have hope that when I have all these big questions, I am like a child trying to understand something much bigger than me.

God Bless you on your struggles and adventures.
Peace
your sister in Christ~Erin

God is not a vending Machine

A very wise friend of mine told me one night -
"Erin, I have realized many things people try to make God into that he's not.  For example, God is not a vending machine.  People put in their good deeds and their righteous lives and expect blessings to follow in exactly their way.  But it doesn't work that way.  God is not a vending machine."  (paraphrased.... )

Very sound theological advice actually.  In my devo for the day I was reading from Psalm 79.  The past few days have been from Jeremiah.  Sigh... Jeremiah.  My favorite prophet.  Gosh I can't imagine being him.  Trying to tell the hebrew people that they weren't doing what they should and that they would fail.

I love watching the kids I have taught go through teambuilding games.  One of my favorite things for them to realize is that they don't like to be told what to do, so maybe... just maybe... they shouldn't tell others what to do.  I can't imagine what Jeremiah ran up against.  I'm sure the Hebrew people didn't appreciate him telling them what to do, or worse, that they would fail.

Then he lived through the Babylonian exile.  Being a prophet is hard enough, but to predict bad things and then see them happen?  I understand the words of the psalmist, how long will you let us suffer?  I feel like our society is fairly used to suffering.  We hear often of single parents struggling, unemployment, homelessness... but we also hear stories of people overcoming.  We life those stories up and say look - you can do it!

But it's not that simple.  (sorry... )  Every time we lift up someone who has made it, despite difficult times and situations; those of us who do have enough, who are food secure, who even have extra (like multiple cars and multiple TV's, and stocks, and... the list goes on) say to ourselves - "self, I don't have to give of my excess because I worked for it.  That person made it, so can others".  Sigh... that's not what its about.

We want God to give all of us our happily ever afters.  Yes, we expect struggle and difficult times - for what would any story be like without that.  We all have something we're up against.  - I love that quote from The Freedom Writers.  But like any good movie, we expect somehow for things to resolve and work their way out.  If we pray enough.  If we have enough faith.  If we are generous and loving.

That's not what God is about.  God is about love.  Forgiving us for our sin and saving us.  That doesn't mean our lives will end like a disney movie.  It's not a simple introduction - building tension - climax - resolution story we all want so bad.  Sometimes we just have to accept the cards we have been dealt and make the best lemonade with them.

My favorite prayer (Francis of Assisi)
"Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."

Yes, I hope for my happily ever after.  Find love, serve the world, make a difference, raise some loving kids.  But I try to keep in mind that my God is not a vending machine and accept all the burdens he blesses me with as well as the treasures.

In peace,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Undeserved death

Good Friday.  The day we remember Jesus on the cross.  Those few lines written in the gospels many years after the day, prophecies foretelling it, and the despair we feel because of it.  A day when we leave church feeling unworthy, saddened, guilty, and quiet.  We pray for mercy as even today more than 2000 years later we still do not abide by the teachings of this man.

We do not feed the hungry, clothe the naked, or love our neighbor.  We ask for mercy... yet do not stray from our ways!  Sigh.  Church wake up!!!!  Brother and sisters - sacrifice some of your comfort so others can live!!!!

Yes there are many ministries reaching out and doing wonderful things.  I have written of the soup kitchen in my town, their are many ministries abroad, there are children's homes and foster care and welfare and food stamps.  Today we do not talk about deserving.  Jesus didn't deserve to die and he did it to save us.  No one deserves to starve and Jesus would not have wondered if they have a job or work or why they need it.  He would have loved and gave... he did love and give us everything.

I was very touched by the cross that sat in front of the alter area throughout worship today.  At the end of the service the clergy present (it was ecumenical and there were 10+ clergy) picked up the cross and carried it through town to the stations of the cross.  It was very moving to see the cross solemnly carried past me...

Throughout the service however I was reminded of a movie (The Boy in the Striped Pajamas) I had watched the night before with a friend.  I have been wanting to watch it for a while now and it was very good.  **Spoiler alert** (sorry but it's important to my blog, but if you want to watch the movie this is huge!!)

Bruno, an 8 year old son of a German soldier must leave all his friends as his father is transfered to the country to oversee a camp.  Bruno is left alone and wants to explore but is forbidden to go behind the house.  From his window he can see what he thinks is a farm, but all the farmers are wearing pajamas.  Eventually he sneaks away and meets another 8 year old boy on the other side of the fence - wearing pajamas.  They become friends, sharing food and company through the fence.  One day Schmal (the other boy) shows up at Bruno's home to clean glasses (they needed little fingers) and the boys get caught when Bruno gives him some food.  Bruno lies and Schmal gets beaten.  Not long after Bruno's mother finds out what the smoke is distraught.  She says this is not place for children and plans to leave.  Hoping to make up his betrayal to his friend, Bruno agrees to help Schmal find his father who recently went missing.  The day he is suppose to leave, Bruno digs a hole under the fence, puts on a pair of pajamas and goes into the camp only to be shuffled into the "showers".  His parents discover he is missing moments after he is locked inside and the gas is killing him.

Good friday is all about a undeserved death.  We sin, we disobey our maker - the lover of our souls.  I sin, I continue to choose myself over others, I do not love my neighbor, I give in to my selfishness.  Bruno was an innocent 8 year old child.  I can't imagine how that father would feel.  I think of him climbing through the bodies to hold his son and how he would have felt.

God could not and would not allow that to happen to us so he sent his son to take our guilt, our pain, and our punishment so that we may have life.   Heaven.  Love.  That's the easter story.  That's the passion.  That's the story of the gospels.  Life, not death.

Rescued

Stories speak to us.  Music and art speak to us.  They connect to something deep within us that we can relate to.  When trying to recall something later - it's these things we remember.  Someone can say something incredibly insightful and life changing, but our human capacity to remember... can forget.

Donald Miller retells a beautiful story in chapter 3.  There is a group of hostages who have been held captive for several months in "some dark corner of the world."  A group of Navy SEALS came in with helicopters and stormed the compound.  Finding the hostages they announced "We came to rescue you - we are Americans"  but none of the hostages would move.  The SEALS knew they couldn't carry them all out... but what to do to help them understand and trust?  One of the the SEALS put down his weapon, took off his helmet, and sat down so near them he was touching several hostages.  He soften his face and put his arms around them.  He loved them to show them he was one of them.  That was something their captors never would have done.  And soon, all the hostages were safely aboard helicopters and heading home.

Warm and fuzzy.  Easy to draw a "christian" comparison.  Jesus comes to us, especially in our dark places and loves us.  He comes wanting to rescue us and will stay and hold us until we are ready to follow him.  I believe we are all children of God - every last one of us.  We can all identify our dark places, and we don't want to be judged on ours so we must not judge others.  God comes to us all to love us, and we too should come to each other to love.

Sometimes it takes more time for us to move from curled up in our corner to standing ready to walk out with our savior.  But I believe God will NEVER give up on any of us.  Ever.

I can relate to the feeling of being rescued - as well as the hostages disbelief.  A few years ago I was very depressed.  So depressed I was just waiting for the right time to take a large bottle of pills I had been saving.  Then came a few days where I was going to be alone and I said goodbye to those I loved.  But God had other plans.  A friend showed up and insisted I come hang out.  Eventually I went.  That night was a battle field inside of me.  I felt God trying to love me, felt his arms around me trying to comfort me but thought I was crazy.  As I felt his touch I wielded around trying to see who was near me - no one.  In my corner I was convinced that I was alone.  No one else really saw me.  No one really loved me.  Any anyone who tried I pushed out.  But that night God wouldn't leave.

After hours of crying, I stood up and walked out of my dark corner and back into the light of the world hand in hand with my savior.  My life has never been the same.

I have gone back to my corner - tried to take control of my life and fight off anything that didn't fit the way I wanted.  Over and over again, God has come to sit with me in my corner until I am ready to leave with him.  I know he will be with you in your corner as well - trust him completely, I know you are scared, but you aren't alone.

In peace with love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Presence

Sigh.  =)  I meditated today.

There is something about the presence of God, to me it's like being wrapped up in a blanket and held.  My message today was an age old one that we too often forget to take to heart.

My beloved, I love you.

No complicated theology, no parables, no judgments or exhalations.  I forget that my creator loves me.  It's why we are christians!  It's what we talk about all the time!  But do we take time to experience the love of God in our lives?  To just be with God and feel that holy peace?  There's nothing simple about it - it is a deep, all knowing, beautiful kind of love that we all seek but too often don't find.  We rush around - trust me, i'm great at it.  I am reminded of my best friend.  We don't get to spend a great deal of time together, and the time we do spend together isn't really epic or really planned.  It's the moments of just hanging out and being with each other that we feel each others love.  

Yet there is always something to do, people to help, commitments to fulfill.  We don't take the time it takes to quiet ourselves.  To remember that while God can surprise us in the smile of a another or touch our souls in a song, we need to take the time to just be in the Lord's presence and be still.

For Elijah didn't find God in the storm or the wind or the fire of life, but in the stillness.  It takes me almost a half an hour to focus on my breathing and try my best to clear all those thoughts from my mind. But when I reach that place where I am connected with the holy spirit it is indescribable.

Take some time today or tomorrow to quiet your mind and your soul and let the creator of the universe hold you, recharge you, and remind you that you claimed, you are a beloved child of God.

your sister in Christ~Erin