Forgiveness...

A tricky subject with me... one that seems to plague me.  Yes plague me.  Got this the other day.  Sigh... and felt moved.  Maybe working towards forgiving... (Devotion from the Upper Room)

Since, then, we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast to our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who in every respect has been tested as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

-Hebrews 4:14-16 (NRSV)

Today's Scripture
Jesus wept.  - John 11:35

"JESUS wept" was the verse my brother Jefferson chose to recite for his confirmation. My mother thought he chose it because it was the shortest verse in the Bible and therefore the easiest to remember.

Jefferson died on December 1, 2007 at the age of 48. The autopsy report listed liver failure as the cause of death. Jeff was a chronic alcoholic. He had been to rehabilitation centers again and again. He once had a promising career and a loving family. But alcohol stole everything. Some of us, his family, cut off contact with him hoping that "tough love" would help. We were often angry with him. I was embarrassed. None of us understood that he simply could not beat his addiction. When he died, I think we all felt guilty.

Now I see Jeff's confirmation verse in a different light. Jesus came to us so that he would understand what being human is like. He knows all about weakness, temptation, and failure. This verse reminds me that Jesus understands our pain and weakness, and he loves us in spite of them. We too can try to understand others and to love them in spite of their flaws.

Ali Morrison (Pennsylvania, USA)

Prayer

Dear Lord, we are grateful for your understanding. Thank you for loving us in spite of all we do that does not please you. Help us to make good choices and to love others without judging. Amen.
Thought for the Day
We are all sinners - and God loves us.
Prayer Focus
Addicts and their families

Peace, 

Erin

Confession

I am a manipulative liar.  I am selfish.  I don't love people as I should.  I am holding on to a grudge I refuse to forgive.

Yikes.  That didn't make me feel better.  =(  Okay, maybe a little?

I feel this constant pressure to be "good".  To be responsible, have my life together, be there for others, and fulfill my promises.  Many people I know have described me as those things over and over before and it's hard to always live up to that.

Sometimes I fail.  I am very forgetful.  But I don't want to come out and admit that I messed up - mostly because I know I will let people down.  So I lie.  Little white lies, but painful for me.  I feel like Paul when he says "Why do I do the things I hate?!?!?"


Romans 7 :15-20
¹⁵I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.¹⁹For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

Actually reminds me a lot of some of my babblings... thanks Paul.  =)  

I confess I have sinned.  Against God and those I love.  Over and over again I choose to sin.  I choose to not love as I should.  I choose to lie when I get in a tight spot.  I choose to run away or put off instead of face my problems and fears.  I have not been a good disciple.  And as a part of the church, we together have not loved but excluded, judged, and at times even killed in the name of God.  For this I ask for mercy and forgiveness not only from God, but from the non-Christians of the world.  We, the church, have hurt people and to ask their forgiveness for our sins would definitely open some doors.  

Inspired by a story found in Chapter 11 of "Blue like Jazz"  - Thanks Donald Miller!  

In peace with love, 

your sister in Christ~Erin

Blue Like Jazz

When I started writing this book I just wanted to end up with something like Anne Lamott's Traveling Mercies, because in Traveling Mercies it felt like she was free, free to be herself, to tell her story, to just vent, to rant, to speak as if she were talking to a friend. Traveling Mercies helped me write this book, and in a way, for a while, Anne will be "The Beatles" of spiritual writers, because she has influenced so many of us. I definitely feel as though I got permission from Anne Lamott, permission to be human and to interact with God without all of the mind-melt that comes with growing up in a religious family. I never believed it would be published, and so I was pretty open in this book. My career was dead when I started this thing, so I felt like I was just talking to myself, or to the little reading group that met at my house.

Sting has this song where he says that he is alone on an island and puts a message in a bottle and throws it into the ocean, only to wake the next morning and have a hundred million bottles washed upon his shore. He sings "I guess I'm not alone at being alone," and I think that sums up how I feel about Blue Like Jazz. It feels like I thought I was alone but woke up one morning to discover nothing could be further from the truth. And people have been incredibly kind.

A friend and I are going to read this starting tomorrow - 2 chapters a day.  I'm so excited!  

In peace with Christ, ~Erin 

Love and Struggle

I am so filled with emotion, often I don't know how to make anything of myself!!

I am a thinker.  I have tried to stop, or at least tone it down - with little to no success.  And I am also a hopeless romantic and lover.  I will love, to the best of my ability, everyone who crosses my path.  =)

My personality is caring I suppose, but there are a few places when I feel completely myself.  When I am singing, caring for another, teaching or learning.  These tendencies have lead me to the church where I have met a God who has become the lover of my soul.  This love is what keeps me going and gives me energy to go out and love others - it is a love that completes me.  I have also fallen in love with the church, but it is not a perfect love.  As I was reading "Saints and Villains" today - a fiction book about the like of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, I read a passage about him falling in love with the church seemed to echo my own thoughts.  I feel like I love the church like Hosea loved Gomer.  I have fallen in love with the people of the church and what the church is about.  To have the security that there is a whole group of people out there who will love me because I am a child of God.  No other reason.  That there is a group of people out there who are willing to give everything to serve.  Yet sometimes I do not love what the church does, I still have this unexplainable love for the body of Christ.

Yet this love and knowledge leads to so much internal struggle for me.  I suppose it is because I want everything to be good for everyone and the more I learn the more I know it's not so.  The more I read some of the things people of the church say it breaks my heart.  It breaks my heart to see the church pick and choose who they deem appropriate and who they disregard.  It breaks my heart to see the dicotomy of the rich and the poor.

I don't want to preach, but somehow I feel like that is because what I have to say isn't going to be well received.  I want to hang out with my friends and spend a carefree afternoon like any other young American.  Like any other young American of privilege.

I was born to privilege.  I see that now.  I can't hate myself because of it or my family.  I love the opportunities and education they gave to me.  But I can't just sit around happily watching a movie, going to work, and hanging out with my friends.  Not when I know so many of my brothers and sisters are starving in poverty, oppressed, and abused.  The church can't either.  The more we do, the more it breaks my heart.

But I don't know how to change, I know I must.  I must leave everything and follow Christ.  Right now I have committed myself to study.  Study the scriptures, study the saints, study the needs of my world.  But after I have studied (yes even seminary) I want to LIVE.  I want to live among the rest of the world and care for them with my heart, my hands, my head, and my love.

But I don't think my calling is to serve alone.  As I try to discern my calling I feel that there needs to be a connection to the American church of today.  A way of helping people discover themselves, how to connect with others (for love is all about healthy relationships!!!), learn about their passion, and put them in an opportunity to live a life of service as well.

I am enjoying learning.  I have a stack of library books so high it seems daunting yet so thrilling of the inspiration and enlightenment awaiting for me there.  It's just that the stories found there do pull at my heart and make me want to get out of my comfortable house and do something about it!!! (even if it happened 100 + years ago...)

Dear Lord, lover of my soul, to one to already knows my every thought, every care, every burden - I pray for your children around the world.  I pray that you wrap them in your arms and meet their every need.  I pray that your children hear your gentle calling to be disciples and accept the difficulties and gifts that come along with that life.  I pray for wisdom and patience as I find my way to a closer walk with you.  Amen.

In peace with love,
your sister in Christ~Erin  

Underdogs

Many of us feel our heart strings tugged a little bit when we hear the story of an "underdog".  There is just something hopeful and encouraging to hear that against many odds someone can come out on top.

Well, like many American's today, I was watching the SuperBowl this evening with friends and I was cheering for the New Orleans Saints.  Honestly... because I thought that the Colts have been to plenty of SuperBowls lately and have won some - it's somebody elses turn.  And needless to say I felt good when the Saints won!

Granted that opinion has nothing really to do with who plays the best, practiced the hardest, or at all really deserves it.  But many times and places in life, skill isn't everything.  There is a piece of us, of our humanity, that knows heart is important.  We don't like to see a movie if the hero dies in the middle or if the girl doesn't end up with the "good" guy.  Look at Adam Sandler's "The Water Boy", or "Forest Gump", or a classic - "Cinderella" would that story be known for over a hundred years if she didn't rise above all odds and end up with the prince?

Christians in the early church were underdogs and the church never grew as fast as when she was under persecution.  The heart of an underdog grabs our attention and makes us interested to hear the story.  Why would a person give up their life for their religion?  Who was this Jesus?  How does this community of fishermen, tax collectors, prostitutes, foreigners, widows, and clergy live together in love? Despite the threat of death, what gives these "Christians" the strength (or stupidity from others perspective) to hold on to their faith?

People are attracted by honorable people fighting for what's right because it is good.  They want to be a part of that.  As Christians we are a light and we must shine that light bright out into the darkness.  Not being afraid to really live our faith in every aspect of our lives.  To continually seek out what it means to be a disciple and what God has called us to do with our lives.

Live in the world, my brothers and sisters, cheer for your favorite football team for whatever reason, but do not live of the world.  Remember your calling as a child of God and give God praise and thanks for all the Lord has blessed you with.

In peace with love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Love

1 John 4:8 

⁸Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

John 13:34

³⁴"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

They will know we are christians by our LOVE.  Our radical, life changing, unconditional love.
A love yes for our families, our friends, and our country - but it doesn't stop there.  
The SAME love for our christian brothers and sisters all over the world, of every nationality, color, age, and creed.  
The SAME love for our enemies, for after all we are ALL God's children, all children, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers.  
That's why it's a radical love.  We are called to love people who are different than us, who may want to cause us harm or may not.  


As a christian I mourn for the lost of a life, for that of a soldier - 
from my country or one killed by my country. 
a victim of disaster,
terrorists, hurricanes, violence, tsunamis, or earthquakes regardless what country they lived in.  
for children, 
30,000 died today from hunger - and yesterday as well.
Will another 30,000 die tomorrow too?  

Jesus we have failed to follow your command, we have not loved our neighbor as ourself.  We have not loved the children of the world.  We have not accepted but ignored the hurting and the sick and the homeless.  Give us sight to see the needs of our brothers and sisters and learn what it is to radically love one another. Amen.

Your sister in Christ~Erin

The Temple of God

As I have been reading Shane Clayborne's "The Irresistible Revolution" I have been very challenged by some of the things he says - yet challenged in a way I've been looking for.  My friends call me compassionate.  Today I was referred to as "mission- minded".  Close friends have been worried about me because I care too much for others.  Yet I struggle with what is God calling me to do?

I feel like I have found an answer in the role of a deacon in the church.  A person to lead the church in mission and open their eyes to the needs of the world.

This book is calling me out to accept that I have been born to PRIVILEGE.  It's not because of anything I have done or deserve that I happened to be born into the top 20% of the wealth in the world.  I could have just as easily been born in Haiti, or South Africa, or Nepal, or Columbia.  But I have been blessed to be born into a wonderful mid-western family, and privileged.  Privileged to be white, to get an education, to be middle class, healthy, and to live in a house.  All things which I have honestly just been given - advantages over those who have drawn a shorter straw.

To be born in the lower class, colored, sick, where there are no public schools, into a family without a house - these are all things that give a distinct disadvantage, but to no fault of the child born to ANY of these circumstances.

So what?  So Jesus calls me to follow him and be a disciple.  Not only to keep the law and learn to be righteous - which is quite a task - but also to care for the hurting, the poor, the oppressed, the orphans, the sick, the marginalized.  To see them as PEOPLE and as a part of the church.  (Not a building, but a body and as Paul described, needing ALL of it's parts)

I read in Matthew 26 today how the only real charge they could hold against Jesus was him saying "I am able to destroy the temple of God and rebuild it in three days" (something he said while teaching in the temple.  Interestingly enough, in the context of my culture, their is a hint of a terrorist threat there.  Sigh - oh my goodness.  But I was reminded of Paul's reference to the church as PEOPLE and the emphasis on relationships.  I want to serve those in need, not just those who are in my middle class church, not just helping in the kitchen and singing or reading at services, I want to help those who are oppressed and marginalized.  I want to live among them - not separated.  I want to share my privilege with my brothers and sisters who struggle for clean water and food.  I want to challenge the church to stop pretending there aren't people hurting out there in the world and DO SOMETHING about it.  And something relevant.

Jesus focuses on people not things.  It's easy for me to give away my clothes or my TV.  But it's not so easy to love people.  When he said he could destroy the temple, he wasn't talking about a building - he was talking about God's temple, the church - US.  Has it really been rebuilt?  Or are some of us forgetting our roles?  

I want to accept my privilege and then accept my Christian responsibility to my brothers and sisters.  I want to give in every way I can to those hurting around me.  I give of my time at my church, I help at the local food pantry, I am going to start helping with the free clinic in town, and try to find a regular time to volunteer at a local horse rescue I've started volunteering at.

This will be my life -
loving others,
serving those in need,
educating others on our RESPONSIBILITY to those in need.
I'm just looking for my Calcutta.

Your sister in Christ~Erin

Dr. Jesus

Dr. Jesus has created a very simple pattern in these three chapters - teach, heal, love.  (kinda reminds me a bit of Dr. Phil)  So many things stick out to me in these chapters I'm not sure where to go...


To start, somedays I just LOVE the Message.  Reading these chapters brought a smile to my face today how straightforward and abrupt it can be.   Matthew 9.^34"The Pharisees were left sputtering, "Hocus-pocus. It's nothing but hocus-pocus. He's probably made a pact with the Devil.""  Really?  It put an interesting new spin on the passages for me.  Often while reading I have this problem of zoning out, it's a combination of "hey, I've sung that text...and getting lost in the music" and "I've heard this story a million times".  Reading the message helps me get out of that frame of reference.  


Yet while reading the end of chapter 8 I came upon the story about the demons and the pigs.  I don't ever remember hearing this story before!  I was so taken a back I read it in NIV to be sure of what I was reading!  I wonder why we don't talk about this story....?


A real issue I have with these passages.  All this talk about demons and evil spirits.  Jesus heals people from them all the time.  What were they?  Why doesn't the church talk about demons today?  I heard the other day that Wicca is one of the fastest growing religions in the US.  What does the church say about demons and evil spirits? 


So I asked Jeeves.  I found an essay on biblepages.web on the subject (please forgive my summary of it below).  Interestingly enough it notes that the King James Version (translation) does not use the word "demon" anywhere.  Instead it uses evil spirits and devils.  Then they look into the Greek uses of the word compared to modern understandings - which are quite different.  Greeks seem to refer to demons more as simply a diety or power from the heavens - not always in a bad sense but not always good either.  The essay goes on to say that the bible doesn't really go into a lot of detail about what demons really are probably because we as humans can't really "cope" with them.  They are dangerous and we should avoid them.  Unfortunately I tend to be more curious than that... perhaps not always a good trait.  


We do know however that Jesus (especially in these chapters!) healed broken bodies and illnesses -external and internal.  Some scholars have wondered if the demons that plagued people are what we consider today mental illnesses.  Who knows for sure?  However I know a lot of young people today seem to be interested in knowing more about the power out there in the universe - of God and of other things.  Sometimes I wonder if we as Christians should be more concerned about the hebe jebe things that go bump in the night or not?  


Thoughts?


God Bless you and yours, 
your sister in Christ~Erin