Like many of my classmates, I can't seem to focus on one thing long enough to complete it.. at least well. I have a history of overcommitment, but - I know this and I try to work on it. So perhaps 5 classes and field education in a local church was overly ambitious... God grant me strength.
Examples of my lack of focus this morning...
Instead of finishing a one page stream of conscious reflection on a class I
- wrote one paragraph
- looked at a RELEVANT youtube video
- looked at 3 irrelevant videos...
- checked Facebook at least 3 times...
- looked at every new e-mail that came in...
- helped my roommate with her reflection...
- looked up the topic in the hymnal AND the book of worship...
- started this blog post (who know's when I'll finish it)
- finished a cup of tea.
and = still haven't gone back to my paragraph.
The frustrating part is - it's not like I don't like this class and don't have anything to say. There is no good reason I shouldn't just buckle down and finish it - then move on to other work I have. In order to fulfill the other commitments I have today, I really need to get some real schoolwork done.
It begs the question, WHY Erin?
Okay - so many of my lovely friends out there will simply shake their heads at me and say "DO YOUR HOMEWORK." and that's that. However, my theological/philosophical friends will appreciate or at least accept my current desire to unpack this - and in terms of the church...
There are so many distractions (like my above list and MORE) that pull us as individuals away from our focus as well as the church. They seem to promise happiness, or at least immediate gratification or humor - perhaps actually attached to our focus references. With the local churches I have participated in or been witness to, this is a common struggle. When we ARE working together and striving towards a goal and everything seems to be moving along so well... then we get side swiped by one of these distractions and BAM! no work gets done.
Distractions in the church Erin? Like what? Practicality is one of the biggest - the family standing in front of you struggling with child care and rent while serving in church leadership, decorating for the community meal in the fellowship hall this wednesday evening, attending/supporting a school event, starting this fundraiser or supporting this organization, forming a new committee to address the problems of _________ population within the church (young families, youth, college students - fill in the blank). GOOD THINGS. All of them. However it's not just small congregations who find themselves not being able to be all things to all people, and it's not just clergy either.
Perhaps the answer to my dilemma is simple, perhaps it is not. While being at school I have been encouraged not to try and "fix" every problem I see, but to really look at it and see what's happening. This is my core understanding of the different between justice and compassion. Sometimes, we see a need and can easily fulfill it - compassion. Ex: feeding hungry people, giving away clothes your children have grown out of to a family who needs them. Justice - looking at the issues behind WHY these people are hungry, WHY this family is struggling to provide clothing. It can be simple - kids grow fast. However, the systematic problems of inequity and injustice run deep and if we simply put bandaids of compassion over them - we are only placating ourselves. Bandaids have a good purpose, but sometimes we cover wounds with a bandaid that need a doctor.
So... now what? I do the only thing I know how to do - refocus. Not on my paper (hehehe) but on something more important yet ultimately tied to my paper - my love. My all. My purpose. My God. I indulge not in just a piece of chocolate, or today a cough drop, but in a few precious moments of spiritual practices that will strengthen my connection with my creator. If it's not all for God, then we have lost our focus and will only continue to bounce around.
Church - let's all take a break from the business and just breath in the Holy Spirit and pray. Or draw. Or sing. Often. Together and apart. While we sit and while we stand. Let's teach each other and our children how to function out of God instead of trying to reach God on our own. Let us be used. The energy flow matters.
Peace to you.
your sister in Christ ~Erin
