Courage

Today I go into my meditation with concerns and seeking specific wisdom.
I want to have courage.
Courage to stand up for myself.
But I AM afraid
Afraid of what people will think

Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

We all want to liked.  I have this issue - I would really like to be loved.  But I have this little hunch that part of this year is God teaching me that the only love I need is his.  I took this year off.  I took time to go teach kids and play outdoors.  I made the choice against some of my better judgement.  But there are many lessons I'm being taught as well.  I only have to look out to the wonder and beauty outside to be reminded of God's hand in my life.

I have expressed to some of my close friends that I am feeling very isolated.  It is not like me at all to sit alone or leave a group to go read a book or take a walk.  I LOVE people.  It is not that the staff where I work are not caring individuals, they are wonderful people.  I have seen many really reach people with they way they teach and the way they care.  But I don't fit in.  Often I remove myself from the situation if possible because I am uncomfortable.  I'm searching for the strength to stand up for myself and say something.

I have been reading a book about Dietrich Bonhoeffer - Saints and Villians.  It's wonderful.  And while I am reading it I find I am loving his character.  I'm not sure if it's because of the way this author is portraying him or if that's really how he was, but I love him.  I can completely relate to the way that he (his character in the book) goes through moods and takes to himself.    Sometimes he makes comments that make him seem arrogant, but soon you learn he is just trying his best to be honest.

He is famous for his courage to stand up against Hitler, from the church, and speak out for the Jews.  Many Christians at this time didn't have the courage.  They were worried about themselves.  Many ideas and ideologies as well as sterotypes and prejudice played into the situation, but the church of Germany actually split.  The Reich church held the belief that the church existed to serve the state.  Not humanity.

Bonhoeffer spoke out against this.  I'm looking forward to delving into his work "The Cost of Discipleship."  I hope it will give me courage as well as direction.



Philippians 1:20
I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.

I pray for the strength and the courage of my brothers and sisters in Christ to stand up against the ideas of the world and the words to speak to do so in love.  Even in the small places in my own life.

In peace with love,
your sister in Christ~Erin