Inspired and Alone

Often I wonder, what is wrong with me?

Over the years I have come to understand that the true answer to this question is nothing.  Yet I have also come to accept that there are just things about me that make me different from many others that I am surrounded by.  Ironically enough there are many out there with the same thought.  So much so in fact, that it is actually a very common thing.  Hmmm.... interesting.

Some distinguishing character traits then -
I analyze everything (possibly too much)
I am an EXTRAVERT - i think i could honestly always be with people and never need alone time =)
I am passionate.  I believe that if you are going to do something, you should do it for a purpose!
I will give of myself to anyone in need - even if I don't know them at all and to the point where I often find myself in trouble of taking care of my own things.
I am a little person with little ears and appreciate good and proper language.
I observe people and often adapt myself to fit with them.
I care.  especially about people.
I love music and express myself often through it better than words.
I don't enjoy current popular music and don't know many current famous people.
I am a hopeless romantic and dream that one day someone will sweep me off my feet in song.
I have a heart for the children of the world.  especially those who are suffering.
I love to cook... and enjoy the food with others.
I am a teacher - of anything I know how to do.
I love worship.  of all kinds.

These are things that make me... me.  Anyone out there who knows me, feel free to comment on my accuracy of my self analysis.  And I don't think that those things really make me all that different of a person, yet often I feel like I am alone in many ways.  Mostly just how I think.  That's a huge part of why I didn't pursue an education degree - I firmly believe that a school should be all about the students, and todays public schools are simply not.  They are more about structure and theory.  So I chose camp, where I can reach people on a more personal level.

When I am feeling all alone in the world I often look towards my heros and others who inspire me to keep going.  Reading the works of Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu, Maya Angelou, Jane Austen, friends in the church, and many on the Methodist blogs - their insights and thoughts simply inspire me.  I feel as if I am connected to people with similar thoughts and passions and am encouraged.  Yet at the same time I can get so pulled into the wonderful things they are saying and get lost in it.  Oye vey!

At the same time it seems to be such a strong pendulum back and forth.  I feel this, and I feel that.  Sometimes I get fed up with just how much I FEEL!  Can you help how you feel though?  Am I just naturally that dramatic inside?  I love one of the scenes from one of the newer Harry Potter movies where Hermione is describing to Harry and Ron just how much Cho is feeling between her sadness over her dead boyfriend Cedric, to feeling like she betrayed him by kissing and liking Harry, not to mention liking Harry in general, and not knowing if she can believe Harry about Lord Voldemort being back, scared about if he is back or what would happen if he came back... And the boys tell Hermione that simply no one can feel that much inside one person - they'd simply explode!  Perhaps it is a girl thing?

I thank God for making me who he did - and look forward to the journey of self discovery, especially tied in with my calling.  Yet at the same time... I think we are all entitled to be a little frustrated with it at times as well.

So I have been praying for clarity and wisdom to discern my path and it has led me to the same answer - get back into scripture.  Therefore I am asking a friend to help keep me accountable and read with me daily, and discuss things here.  Let's see where it goes!!  I am feeling drawn to the gospels right now, as well as trying to do larger chunks compared to smaller passages.

You are invited to take this journey along with us!

Tomorrows reading:  Matthew 1-3