Inspired by Wesley

Soooo many things to do. In so many categories. I wish I didn't think about them all so much sometimes... and just did more of them. But I've been wishing that for a long time - don't think it's going to happen anytime soon.

Today I find myself inspired by John Wesley. We have a Wesley Society on campus and we're really trying to grow the group. The hardest part is to find words to describe why the heck we are called a Wesley Society and what we do. I grew up methodist. I have studied it quite and bit and I'm sure with seminary coming in the next few years sometime I will learn a whole lot more. How do I even begin to tell someone about it all?

As I was designing our wesley web page I was wondering how much to put on it. Our conference has come up with a format for young adult ministry I love.

A place to belong. A place to matter. A place to believe.

The United Methodist church has just published some new visions and goals with easy to remember numbers.

We the people of the United Methodist Church

1 - believe in making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world

We live by
2 kinds of holiness - Personal and Social

We follow
3 simple Rules
- Do no harm
- Do good
- Stay in love with God

We work in
4 areas of focus
- Developing leaders
- creating places for new people
- eliminating poverty
- improving health globally

We are the people of the United Methodist Church

We have all these slogans, bylines, and explanations. I like them, don't get me wrong. It's so hard to try and break down my faith and my religion into words and these help. And one thing that helps me is looking back to the words of John Wesley ( I know crazy methodist in me - I find inspiration in John Wesley similar to how I find inspiration from the bible...)

"Do all the go you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can."

That's going to have to find a place somewhere on the new website.

A sister along the journey
~Erin

Can't always be perfect

I decided a few months ago, with sufficent proding by a friend, to take up meditation. I have always envied people who could just sit in quiet and seem "out of it", then when I ask them what they are thinking about they honestly answer - nothing. To empty one's mind and sit in peace... how wonderful would that be?

And it has been.

I never thought I would get there. I had simply come to the conclusion (because I know everything about myself at the ripe old age of 22) that I would never be able to calm or quiet my mind and reach that sort of state. But for whatever reasons I decided to try.

I like to meditate with a mantra. I have been exploring new ways to meditate as well and have a few books on the subject along with the typical web searches. It always takes some time, but I have had some indescribable experiences. In particular, one experience when I was in California at a conference.

I woke up one morning just not feeling right. Kinda like I was getting sick, but whatever it was I was just all out of wack. Perhaps because I had been running around with boundless and what seemed to be unlimited energy at a fabulous conference on camping and meeting tons of people. Honestly - I had not taken much time for myself or much time to rest. I just get so excited sometimes and it feels like I can't get enough of the wonderful experiences I'm having, so I just keep going and cramming in as much as I can in a day.

So I woke up all wrong, skipped breakfast and bible study to meditate. I have been advised that sometimes meditation can seem like you a sleeping - and I get nervous that I just do fall asleep. But I had a vision. (or a dream?) With some interesting people in my life, but it was very vivid, insightful, and meaningful to me. But that's not the best part.

Normally after meditating, I feel as if I am cuddled in God's arms. As if God is saying to me, honey I'm here, rest a bit, I'll take care of you and love you for always, you can always come to me and I'll always be right here. It's exactly what I feel like I've been searching for and wanting for as long as I can remember. And struggling with where to get it - because it doesn't come from the places I feel like it should or want it to. But here I have found it.

That wasn't the feeling I got that day in California. When I was done God wasn't holding me, God was inside of me. I had a similar feeling of warmth and love, but it was not outside of my physical body - it was within. Now, I am often described as a "bubbly" person - overflowing with energy. After meditating that morning I was not just bubbly - I was glowing. I just felt love beaming out of every possible part of me. It was indescribable.

I have been meditation for about an hour every other day or so for a while now. Sometimes more often, sometimes less. I can feel it when I skip it and I miss it. I am not as centered, patient, happy, or on task. On days I meditate, sometimes I feel like I can save the world. Or at least the world's orphans.

Sadly however, life can't always be perfect. I have been trying to meditate. I need it, I'm alittle high strung and stressed out. I feel like my own stuff is going okay - I need to be more productive and timely, but there are other things going on that are out of my control. I know in my head that not everything will be wonderful all the time - and that I can't solve everyones problems. But I still feel bad and it still effects me. I care... I'm sorry? It matters to me. But I guess all I can do is pray and focus on the things I can effect.

So I've been trying to meditate to help myself become more centered again - and I have not been able to for over a week! I try and nothing. No quiet. No peace. No nothing. Frustration and muddleness. I am still a mess!!!

But God doesn't work on my schedule, so I will have to keep trying.

always,

a sister on the journey

~Erin

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8
1 There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:

2 -8

A right time for birth and another for death,

A right time to plant and another to reap,

A right time to kill and another to heal,

A right time to destroy and another to construct,

A right time to cry and another to laugh,

A right time to lament and another to cheer,

A right time to make love and another to abstain,

A right time to embrace and another to part,

A right time to search and another to count your losses,

A right time to hold on and another to let go,

A right time to rip out and another to mend,

A right time to shut up and another to speak up,

A right time to love and another to hate,

A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

Spirituality Test

I love personality tests!  Crazy fun ones, detailed ones, whatever.  I find it fascinating that we are all SO different.  Sometimes I am struck by this just during a conversation - however there are some great things we can learn through personality tests.  

Tests I have taken (and remember)- 

Truecolors - I am GREEN.  Very green on my own, with more people (especially children) my blue comes out stronger and stronger.  Gold comes with kids too - begrudgingly.  

MyersBriggs - ENFP.  I am an extreme extravert.  Must have people!  Also very feeling and perceptive.  The intuition verses sensing... eh.  

Animals - I'm an otter!  Compared to a beaver, lion, or golden retriever.  

Take a personality test here:

http://www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/

Discussing these with friends, as we do them or with others, has been a great tool in understanding why we see things differently or do things differently.  The language that goes with each category has been extremely helpful for me to better understand myself and identify, manage for, and appreciate the differences and strengths of others.  

So - I found spirituality test!  

There are 4 categories you can fit into

Sage

Mystic

Prophet

Lover

Guess what I am.....!

Each time I have taken the questionnaire

I have always come out as a Prophet!

I love that we are all so different in every way - yet all wonderfully made.  Here's one of my favorite verses on the matter -

Psalm 139:14 (The Message)

 13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; 
      you formed me in my mother's womb. 
   I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! 
      Body and soul, I am marvelously made! 
      I worship in adoration—what a creation! 
   You know me inside and out, 
      you know every bone in my body; 
   You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, 
      how I was sculpted from nothing into something. 
   Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; 
      all the stages of my life were spread out before you, 
   The days of my life all prepared 
      before I'd even lived one day.

Here is where you can take it for yourself -

http://www.upperroom.org/methodx/thelife/test.asp

and here is the description about mine:

You are a Prophet, a crusader with a kingdom spirituality. You experience God best through serving others. You value competence and knowledge, and are good at leading and influencing others. Prophets are devoted to their causes, often becoming assertive and aggressive as you implement a vision of the world as God's kingdom on earth. You are our heroic change agents and we admire you for that. Single-minded and deeply focused, you aren't content until society has been transformed.

Prophets are the least represented spiritual type in the general population. You also are the hardest spiritual type to be around, mainly because you make the rest of us feel guilty for not having the same zeal for change that you do. We admire you for sacrificing your personal life for your hope of the kingdom realized on earth, but we are uncomfortable around martyrs.

You have a courageous and sturdy idealism that takes responsibility for change. But, your passion for transforming society can lead you to become impatient with congregations and their perceived lack of concern. You fit best in a hospitable, like-minded community that shares your vision.

Nevertheless, be careful not to become so involved in your cause that you neglect your inner life. Attend as much to your inner life as outer life. One will nourish the other.

Learn about other types: Sage | Prophet | Lover | Mystic

Famous Prophets:

Mother Teresa | Ralph Nader | John Calvin 
Lucy (Peanuts) | Rosa Parks | Dorothy Day 
Joan of Arc | Monica Geller | Martin Luther King, Jr. 
Jeremiah | Malcolm X | Ghandi 
Indigo Girls | Gandalf | Oprah Winfrey

~always 

your sister in the journey, Erin

Purpose

God has a purpose for each of our lives.  I don't know how it all works... I probably won't ever.  Yet, I am getting closer to finding mine?  or at least getting closer to having a real understanding of who I am.  

This has been a struggle for me in the past few years.  Funny thing is, not until I really prayed for God to give me a hunger for him did I really get a more solid picture of me.   

I am complicated.  This is not something I really have ever tried to hide, occasionally tried to change... but it's just a part of who I am.  Many have had a glimpse of this and reacted in a number of different ways.  

I love to care for others  

Help in every way that I can, 

hug someone who is hurting, 

celebrate the good things in life together

I love to surprise people

I love to give

I find joy in the little things (brown paper packages w/string!)

I am an extrovert to the core

I feed off of others

sure sometimes I can get exhausted...

stressed...

but the good weighs it out

it's like - I get sick on rollercoasters

especially if they go upside-down

I will NEED a garbage can...

so I don't really go on them

but occasionally - 

it's worth it

serving, giving, and being a part of most of the things I am

it's worth it to me

I do think about it all

the choices I make

the commitments I make

I weigh out my options 

and choose 

Chances for me to serve

be a shining example

share my gifts

are wonderful opportunities I feel blessed to have

I thank God for each one

be it for a friend

or for a stranger

The heart of who I am in not within me

I am loving, giving, and compassionate not because of myself

I am who I am because of what God has been to me

I do enjoy Stacie Orrinco's song-

"Don't look at me if you're looking for perfection, 

don't look at me I will only let you down.

I'll do my best to force you in the right direction, 

don't look at me - look at HIM."

"Sometimes I have the fear, that you will see the mirror

and get the thought that it's the main attraction"

Many people have made comments to me about my bubbliness and my compassion.  It is touching to have people be thankful for things I have said or done.  But I can not take the credit.  I love that God has given me a servant heart.  I only hope that through my actions and my love people can see and experience the love of God. 

Mark 12: 30-31

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. 31The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself.

Sure it's not always that easy.  I slip.  I stumble.  I fall.  But that doesn't mean God can't use me.  And no matter how far I stray from God, I still find that I am being used.  There is a purpose for my life and while I am actually quite afraid of my calling... I also can't wait. 

~a sister on the journey, Erin