Control

There are so many things to do in a day I find it difficult to handle it - yet I don't deal well with large periods of free time. I tend to go out and find something to get involved in and then I have too much to do later. Anyhow, with everything in life from doing homework, going to work, and balancing my checkbook with my social life on good days I feel as if I have some control over my life. Maybe this is decieving. But right now I feel like life is so far out of balance and there isn't much I can do to fix it. I am off to CWES (central wisconsin environmental station) tomorrow morning for 2 weeks of indepth field study, then home and back in a weekend before camp begins. June and the begining of July should be fine - just getting ready for Europe!

While I struggle with this not having control thing we go to see the new Narnia movie. Great film, granted it was alot of action and alittle much battle scenes for me. However, the message hit me hard. Peter, the oldest brother and high king, didn't appreciate having Prince Caspian around and the two struggled with who should lead and who's ideas they should follow. The main characters found themselves in a major jam and were trying to figure out what to do - it seemed obvious - they had to do something big to get the bad guys out of Narnia. Convinced that they could do it on their own, Peter leads the troops into a surprise battle that does not end well. Despite how hard they try, they really don't have control over the situation and trying harder isn't going to make it any better - really just worse. Luckily the littlest one, Lucy, remembers who they need to go when life's problems are bigger than they can handle.

With the little bits of control I have in my life - what to wear, what to do on the weekends, where to live, and many such things I feel like I am in control of my life. I find a place to live, work to earn money, and pay rent. Sometimes I get to prideful in how well I can make my life work. Especially when I just scrape by. This isn't what God wants for my life. He wants me to hand over all of my troubles to him and life my life entirely for him. Not just the parts I want - but control of all of me.

On days where I just can't do it anymore this seems the perfect solution. . . but what about when I'm doing good? Much harder. I feel like I'm entitled to some things. But how much better would my life be if I just prayed for help, for guidence, for God to lead me in my path? Things would be much smoother and not so questionable. Lord please help me remember who is really in control of this world - and where my place is next to you.

Peace,
Your sister in Christ~Erin