A little God Time

Listen, then speak

2012-02-09T11:30:00.000-06:00

I haven't been a very active blogger lately. Sorry for those of you who have been requesting posts. :( When I was in my first semester of my undergraduate degree (in La Crosse!) I had a very wise philosophy professor. To me, he was captivating. To the rest of the class, he seemed to speak Greek. Soon, I tutored, especially for his sections. I continued to take classes with him, and other philosophy professors and have grown to LOVE philosophy over the years. Yet there is one lesson he taught me early on that I will never forget.

One day in class, many students were grasping the concept he was putting forth, yet didn't agree so were offering their opinions. The professor was growing particularly frustrated and even angry. He was trying to get us to talk about the steps of an argument - not whether it was TRUE or not, but learn to disconnect the person from their ideas, and the ideas into a logical progression of an argument. Yet for freshman, this was WAY to much abstract thought to handle, and his reference to the fact that there could potentially be a gigantic purple spotted pink elephant in the room that almost no one noticed just made most people think this man should be institutionalized.

Finally in utter frustration, he stepped back, took a breath, and said "You do not have the right to your own opinion, until you can correctly articulate the thoughts of those who have walked before you."

Those words I wrote in my beat up notebook and have reflected on many times since. There is so much wisdom in the world, in many different forms. Books and writings on early philosophy and theology from great minds such as Anthansius and Plato. The daily wisdom from my great grandmother who laughs at me as she advises me on flowers she thinks I can take care of. Quotes and philosophies based down through generations and made popular by a pretty design and pinned on Pinterest. I am forever amazed at the knowledge and wisdom in the world, of yet I hardly understand the tiniest fraction.

So lately, I have been reflecting on the wisdom and knowledge presented to me through professors, textbooks, and other students as I study (albeit part time and online) through Garrett Evangelical Theological Seminary. I shall try, both for the benefit of me, and you - my lovely friends, to make more of an effort to share my thoughts and journeys as I have loved and appreciated reading about yours.

Blog on!

May God's unconditional peace be with you today and always,
Your sister in Christ ~Erin

Understand before being understood

2011-11-17T10:39:00.001-06:00

Sometimes my head is floating so much in abstract thoughts, theories, and arguments -logically mostly : ), that I get a bit lost in there. It is easy for me (a girl) to get lost in thinking about guys. Not the 6th grade obsessing but from a programming and ministry viewpoint it is easy to see that within the church there are many more women/girls than men/boys. I have read several books about working with guys from a psychological and sociological standpoint and have had countless conversations with my guy friends about how guys think... and honestly... I'm still a bit lost.

I read this interesting article the other day from Youthworker.com about a book (Why Men Hate Going to Church) citing arguments I have heard before but applied to modern(ish) traditional church programming that I grew up in and have been a part of from sunday school to youth groups and christmas plays.

My solution to this issue has been to try and wrangle my guy friends in to participating and being intentional about trying to incorporate things the boys I work with enjoy. Young guys need good guy role models right?

Sometimes I feel like this is the best I can do. Be aware that I'm not a guy and therefore sometimes I eschew my program in a way that lifts up natural (?) talents of girls and puts down the rowdiness of the boys and try to brings guys in to help balance that.

Isn't that what diversity is really about though? And why it is important for our leaders to grasp it? Working with people that are different than myself - in gender, age, race, economic status, family make-up, etc. ect. can prove to be more difficult - often they think differently and therefore challenge or just don't agree with my thoughts. Yet Jesus doesn't call me to just go out and serve those who are like me. In order to really build relationships and truly love (the cornerstone of the faith in every window you look through - law, social justice, scripture) I desperately need to seek to understand those I have the opportunity to (and those I'm trying to connect to) and reach through my understanding instead of just leading how I think it should be done.

A little bit more complicated than just hanging out and having pizza at youth group - but not. Food unites us, and games can unite us (competition, tag games... so many rabbit trails there), but to me it comes back to being intentional about reaching everyone in the room and learning my own personal biases.

Just some simple ramblings...

Peace,
Erin

Seminary is kicking my butt!

2011-10-07T16:57:00.000-05:00

Hi friends.
I miss you.
Sorry I've been gone.
Not fishing...
READING.

It's so good, but it's soooo much all at the same time. And balancing with work has taken some delicate footwork. I think I'm good now. This has been the first week I have felt like I am almost close to up to date on my reading. Sigh.

So what, you may ask, do I get the pleasure to be reading?? Glad you asked. Cuz I'm not bad about taking about it.

In New Testament, my latest "AH!" moment was when reading the commentary/text the author highlighted how Luke really portrays Jesus as a prophet. In a major way. Always connecting him with fulfilling scripture, doing good works, and living out his life as a model prophet. Up through his death. (The other gospel writers also show that Jesus was a prophet, but focus also on the "Messiah" part). Then comes this big one - Luke (or the author of Luke) doesn't ever make mention of atonement. What? REALLY? No. He points to the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross as another reason to repent, and then God will grant us salvation. Shook my world. Still processing... but liking this path...

VFCL - talking about calling. This week we talked about the charismatic and social justice streams that flow through us as Christians. I typically do not identify with charismatic traditions... pushing them away as "evangelical" and a bit too much for me. Yet I am a charismatic person!! Kinda. :) The more I study this spirit filled stream the more I wonder how much I drawn to it...

Then there is social justice. Ah. So ME. I won't go into it today. But got to read Dorothy Day and Martin Luther King, Jr. for class! Not just for fun!

Then there is Bible Content. Read the bible Erin. Just do it. Come on. Sigh. I need to get better about this. Morning and night. Getting on this.

SO - happy and CRAZY... but good.
Hoping to find my way back here. It's a spiritual practice for me - blogging. Can be great.

Peace and love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Always learning, always growing, always challenged

2011-08-29T10:31:00.000-05:00

Oh summer camp, how you consume my life for months and allow me to both be myself and stretch me in every way possible! Oh God how you have given me this incredible blessing of summer camp, yet challenge me to never be still and comfortable! Anyway - I'm hoping to share more here again on a regular basis now that it's almost September.

Yet, I am turning to a new chapter in my life as well. Since last January when I began working full time at camp, I have fully settled in here and LOVE my job. This summer I had the opportunity to work with an amazing group of young people on staff and support them/challenge them/and see them grow. I loved every minute of it (even if I didn't think so at the time) and I only hope that God continues to bless our camps and myself with many more years of summer camp!

However, now I will attempt work at camp (full time) with seminary (part time, and as much online as possible). Yes friends. I am starting. Who knows how long it will take me to finish this way - but I love my job in ministry here and I don't want to quit to go to school to do what I'm already doing here!!! I feel called to serve. I have a heart for the church, yes I know that she has her flaws - but that's mostly because the church just like the world is full of people, and we are all flawed! We hold grudges, we like our routines, we struggle with change, we judge each other, and we fail to reach out. But I still love the church. (And people in general). Even after lots of reflection, I honestly don't think that my love of people solely rests upon my intense optimism, it rests upon my Lord and God. It hasn't always been there. Many people in my life have hurt me and I have been wounded in ways that don't tend to heal easily. Yet behold the amazing power and love of God! He can fill us all with his love for creation and his people. There are so many others out there still hurting and struggling to simply provide for their families and live life. Church - lets go to them and help! In every way possible - from sharing our food to sharing our hearts and welcoming others into our places and spaces, making a home together.

Never easy, this I know. But church, I'm not backing down. I love camp - but I love camp not just for the obvious beauty, but for the fact that camp is such an amazing place to embrace the wounded and nurture them until they are ready to go back out and into the world. We all need to go. Jesus makes that clear - "go out and make disciples". No matter how much we love our churches, our families, and yes even camp - we need to go out into the world and share the love and light of God.

So I'm going out to seminary. To learn more to in turn teach more. I'm ridiculously nervous about it and excited all at the same time. A deacon. Sigh. Someday. That is my calling, to the best of my understanding. A deacon working at camp. ? Or at least a deacon working in the world.

Prayers for the world,
prayers for our leaders,
prayers for new students.
Peace,
your sister in Christ ~Erin

What does it look like to follow Jesus?

2011-05-17T11:27:00.000-05:00

So my mind has been digesting the scripture from last Sunday for a few days... in the lectionary it was Good Shepard Sunday. Beautiful imagery of Jesus chilling out in a nice grove of woods with a bunch of sheep. New testament lesson John 10:1-10. I am the shepard, I am the gate.

I struggle a lot with this verse. It rubs me the wrong way. Did Jesus really say that? "The only way to the father is through me." Are my devout, loving, Jewish/Hindu/Muslim friends deceived?

That's the hard question here.

If you read the scripture literally - yes.

But I love this line from Barbara Streisand's movie "Yentel". - "Why would God have given me a mind, if not to ask the question WHY?" (and am incredibly excited for the opportunity to go to seminary to explore the question why - even if I only encounter more questions...)

So a friend gently reminded me to look further into the verse. Written by John... sounds a little more like Mark, and written approximately 70 years after Jesus was crucified. So I'm pretty sure that John wasn't there taking notes. Past down information from others through generations (image of a game of telephone here) can still keep the general theme of message, or turn it into something completely different. I do firmly believe that everyone involved with the passing down of church tradition, stories, and the writing of holy scripture did their absolute best - yet they are still human and imperfect.
Now I have read 2 Timothy 3:16 - "All scripture is God breathed." But my mind implores me to go further and not just take that as it is. (I recognize that I often get criticized for over-thinking.... but this is how my mind works and I take it as a blessing) Paul wrote this in a letter to Timothy - encouraging him and reminding him about the holy texts that he had been practically raised reading. I don't believe Paul had any intention of his letters (to Timothy or other believers) becoming HOLY SCRIPTURE. Yet we base a lot of our daily christian lives on what Paul says... dare I say instead of what the gospels say Jesus said?

Yet this argument is circular (sorry) did Jesus really say that? What do I do with scripture that seems to be out of character for the God that I am trying to get to know? I am not trying to make God into what I want God to be. That's not fair... but way to easy. It's like becoming infatuated with a person that you only meet a few times and have little contact with, when you don't have that regular contact to get to know them, it's so much easier for them to be perfect in your eyes. You make them into whatever you want.

I wish I knew Jesus. What he liked to eat... How his face looked when we was annoyed, tired, incandescently happy... From the scriptures I get the general idea of the things he taught, but I can't wait for the day I can sit and talk to him myself. Why, oh great God of the Universe, would you (or would you?) deny those who love you, worship you, and serve you - just because they don't believe you came down to earth to die for their sins? Do you really know what I will choose - therefore not really having a choice anyway? DO you adapt to my choices, making you not eternal (outside of time/always the same)? How can you be both just and merciful? Is hell real? How do you bear the pain of any part of your creation hating and rejecting you? At the end of our earthy lives will we have any other chance to accept your love? How long will you love us? Even if we never return it?

I love the scripture, and I think it's good to question it and learn more about it. I don't need to know all the answers - but I NEED to ask the questions. As instructed by Micah I will attempt to do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with my God. As as instructed by Jesus I will attempt to love God and love my neighbor as myself. Yearning to have the fruit of the spirit - (yes I even learn from Paul) Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and self-control. This is the best I know how to follow Jesus. I do believe Jesus came and lived and loved, so much so that he sacrificed himself for me.

But as God - in infinite wisdom and power and mercy - can you accept another way?

Peace,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Hard Truths

2011-04-26T16:07:00.000-05:00

In our religious traditions we believe in certain truths. Some of these concepts come from the bible, others from tradition, still others are based in what we dub as "theology". Which, as I understand it, is our human understanding of scripture. Theology differs among denominations, obviously religions, but even more often - individuals. Here are some basic truths, do you agree?

God created the heavens and the earth.
God loves all of his creation.
Jesus lived and taught how God desires us to live out our lives. Prophets try to share God's love and warnings to people.

Would you agree with me that these are generally accepted truths among Christians? What about some of the less "warm and fuzzy" beliefs.

God desires a relationship with his beloved children, but can not be in relationship with anyone who sins.
God hates sin.
Jesus died to fulfill our (mine and yours) debt to God, for we are sinners and deserve to die as he did.
Because of Jesus's sacrifice, God offers us his grace which we must accept to gain eternal life.
For those who do not accept God's grace through believing in Jesus, they will not gain eternal life - they will spend eternity in hell.
This includes those who have never heard the message of the gospel.

Now here is where it gets interesting. Those who say "it does not effect me" are wrong. Even if you are a believer in Christ, I am sure that you know of others who aren't. We are also called by Jesus to go out and spread the good news to those who have not heard. Our compassionate hearts ask, can our God of Love really condem to Hell those who have died as infants? Or those who have never heard the gospel?

Well... the bible is pretty clear - there is no other way to the father except through me (Jesus). John 14:6 However many theologians believe (and teach) that there is a certain age we must reach before God expects us to make that decision. Or all children that are baptized are accepted by God. So what do we believe?

I do have to admit - I don't know. Now I'm not trying to ignore this issue because it is important. It is easy to say, well God is a God of mystery and I am not capable of understanding his ways. But how would my actions change if I really truly believed that all nonbelievers went to hell? Would I try harder to evangelize?

There is a new book out entitled "Love Wins" by Rob Bell. It presents this very issue. Today among my generation we have a difficult time accepting a God so willing to condemn those we know are good and love so much. We are in a culture of acceptance - but is our God? Are we simply trying to soften the gospel? Do we really believe that we need to accept Christ into our life? Will everyone go to heaven?

A couple years ago I read another book on this subject entitled "If God is Love". The authors point was that if God is truly a God of Love then he would accept all of his children into heaven no matter what. Interesting theological point. In many ways I love the idea, but it's not what I have been taught by my faith tradition or in the bible. It is very dangerous to make God into what we would like God to be... instead of accepting God and following the path laid out for us. I learned that the view of God accepting all people to heaven is called Universalism. One can also be an exclusivist, or on the other side believe in inclusivism (that God saves through Christ but includes others on the basis of what work, and that inclusion is based on response to truth) and accessibilism (that God somehow reveals his saving truth to all humans who have ever lived, and has done so at least one time in the life of each person, and judges on that basis but salvation is only through Christ). Taken from Scott McKight and his great conversation about Rob Bell's new book.

I enjoyed reading C.S. Lewis's Narnia series. In "The Final Battle" there is a beautiful description of a sort of heaven. Some who were there didn't realize it - they were still in the dark, but still there. One was of a different faith and baffled to be there, but chosen by God and loved. Does it cheapen our grace if others who are not like us are "allowed" in? Doesn't Jesus teach us not to worry about it in the parable of the Vineyard owner (paying all his workers the same no matter how long they worked?) Matthew 20:1-16

So here is the rock and the hard place. Will we know for sure who gets into heaven or how? If we truly believe the only answer is Jesus, how does that change our actions?

Praying for direction,
your sister in Christ~ Erin Michelle

Perspective

2011-04-18T11:17:00.000-05:00

Whenever I start to feel... down/off/sad/frustrated/etc. I try to regain some perspective. This is my favorite prayer - (the whole thing)

God,
grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time,
accepting hardships as the way to peace,
taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
trusting that he will make all things right
if I surrender to his will.

That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with him forever in the rest.
Amen.
- Reinhold Niegbuhr

I absolutely love being in Westfield, WI. Close to my grandparents and so much history of my family. I love living in my little cabin in the woods, 100 feet from a beautiful lake. It's a dream world. I get to serve people and teach people, and work with kids. Yet there is always a but. I miss my friends. I get lonely. But I have been blessed and I will trust and have faith. I was not created to be alone. Somewhere out there, is a match for me, god willing I will find him sooner rather than later.

I had a wonderful moment today that brightened my day with a friend who is far away. Best of luck with that pomegranite tree, dance lots, and think of me - chilling in my hammock by the lake.

Peace,
your sister in Christ~
Erin

Change the World

2011-04-09T15:43:00.000-05:00

The United Methodist Church is sponsoring a day of volunteering around the globe. Awesome! This is the second year of this project and I'm excited about it.

Get involved locally.
Improve health globally.
Change the World.

That's something I'm proud of coming out of our church. :)
The idea of the event is to challenge local congregations to partner with other groups in town and do some volunteer or service work. If you would like to, they also encourage you to raise money for Imagine No Malaria. (Related to Nothing But Nets - but do more than prevention - treatment, education, etc)

There are a lot of humanitarian organizations out there. Some I agree with, some I am alittle leary of. I do however appreciate the church (my church) getting out and doing something. Not that they don't, there are many amazing programs happening on the local/conference/jurisdictional/etc level. Prison ministries, homeless ministries, etc, but this is uniting, simple, and easy.

That weekend my home church is coming to camp for a retreat. Perhaps I'll talk them into a project somewhere.... :)

What will you DO to change the world?
Peace,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Grayscale

2011-03-29T11:37:00.000-05:00

What a world we live in. Or so we often say.
Simple
Complicated
Connected
Lonley
Beautiful
Impoverished
Diverse
Unjust

We look at the big picture.

And we see our own little problems, getting the fridge fixed, finding time to get the dishes done, making a grocery list. And our own little things vary greatly based on where we live in the world, our economic status, our family status... etc.

It's not an easy concept, and one can easily get lost in contemplating the world and your place in it. So often we focus on what we can. Providing for our families, giving to groups when they ask and we can, trying to better ourselves with education and saving. Thinking about (in detail, not cliche) what is happening to others around the world is not generally one of those warm fuzzy things for most of us here in the US. Because we are on the extreme high end of the world (even those of us who are poor!).

The "heavy" issues of human rights, religion, politics, even basic right and wrong - not your typical best conversation starters, but to me they are incredibly important.

Yet the only thing I know, is that I don't know enough. My highest spiritual gift is Servanthood. (those of you who know me are shaking your head in understanding) God has gifted me with the desire to make others lives easier and just a little brighter. I'm torn on where and even often why.

There is no "right" answer. There are loving caring moral people who are on both sides of the Wisconsin budget issue. There are loving caring people moral on both sides of the abortion issue. There are loving caring moral people fighting poverty and homelessness and ignoring it.

Do I love talking about these issues... YES. I do. Others don't. (Sorry friends). I also love learning more about... well everything. And you learn more from those who think different and even disagree with you than those who think just like you. But at the same time we must always remember to love. To honestly listen, respect, and care about the individuals on the other side of the issue from you. To think of them as part of the same human family that you belong to and not as your enemy.

I know being open and loving to people you disagree with is difficult. But it is a widely accepted way of life (or endorsed more than lived) by millions around the world of many cultures and religions. What kills me is that we don't LIVE it. WHY??? Why do we insist on hurting each other? With words, with weapons, manipulating relationships... over and over again we deliberately cause others pain.

But it's not black and white. Nothing is. It's all grayscale. Only when we can really begin to show true love can we begin to see the color beyond the gray.

One person at a time. Me first. (Thanks Ghandi) Then hopefully others (that's you). Someday the world.

Wishing you peace and love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Relating

2011-03-15T17:30:00.000-05:00

So a friend of mine got me started on The Circle Trilogy by Ted Dekker a few weeks ago... LOVE it! The first couple chapters I thought were really weird and I wasn't sure that I was going to get into these books, but I recommend them to anyone who likes a good (somewhat crazy) story.

Thomas Hunter, the main character, falls asleep in the present day world and wakes up in another reality. A world where the people are completely focused on the Great Romance and their creator - Elyon. It's a little ... sci-fi ish... but the metaphors and allegory come clear as you work through the books.

Such vivid emotions and descriptions of love, something easily relateable in a story. Love, loss, war, good, evil these are concepts that are at the core of most of our stories from the evening sitcom line-ups to classics from Shakespeare, Jane Austin, or even Stephen King. These are the basic concepts we understand our human lives in.

But do we allow such emotion in our religions? Do I allow myself to have such a deep relationship with my creator? Well... it's much more difficult.

Yet this book seems to carefully prod the reader - don't you want to have something this meaningful? It's easy to watch a movie or a TV series and find a situation you relate to, or wish you related to. Yet, religion can so easily fall away from something that centers around those concepts of love, good, and evil. It's easy to talk about, academically speaking, but do we really FEEL love in our relationship to God? Do I?

Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no. So what else do I focus on and is that really worthy of my time and energy?
Great books, great concepts, great way to approach the story of the gospel in a new way. Thanks Ted Dekker.

God Bless you and yours,
Your sister in Christ~Erin

No more is the Land of Limbo!

2011-03-12T10:01:00.000-06:00

I have been in the Land of Limbo for the majority of the last fall through January. Sigh... not a comfortable and relaxing place to be!!

But as do all good things, the time has come when more exciting and permanent things have come about! I am now the Camp Assistant for the United Methodist Camps of Wisconsin. I work back and forth at both Lake Lucerne and Pine Lake, while I am living on site at Pine Lake. I assist with whatever is needed from taking care of animals, nature programming, helping with summer programming, typical office work, serving food/dishes, and hosting groups.

In a lot of ways I can see myself here for a while. (crossing my fingers!)

So seminary, - I have still begun my ordination process and am planning on attending seminary and following my calling as a deacon. Therefore I will begin school part time next fall as I maintain my full time job here. Hopefully I will be able to do many of my classes online! I am also looking at the possibility of taking the train down from Portage to Chicago when necessary.

Just some life details. I love being at camp and getting to meet all sorts of wonderful people from all over the state. It's also very relieving to have a "real" job again and be able to pay the bills. I am still learning to put my trust in God, in good times and in Limbo Land.

God Bless you and yours,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Rabbit Trails

2011-03-05T11:19:00.000-06:00

I love the little things that color the world. Little changes, unexpected, that draw your attention for maybe just a minute or a week... Rabbit Trails we call them sometimes (at staff meetings) and I am fully distracted by them! All these little things, from blog posts to a radio bit, a comment from someone, a new book, just add a pop of color I didn't expect for my day. It's fun.

I know, I'm young. I don't really know much. Many days I feel starved for information, yet today- it's not hard to get. (good sources a little trickery.. ) I can study Bonheoffer online, or contemplate how cool it would be if I could get birds to eat from my hand. Yes, I know I'm alittle scattered, but it makes sense in my head - and God gave me this crazy head, so I've decided to embrace the way I think.

Being young and not knowing nearly enough to really have my opinions... (ha - that doesn't stop me) I consistently attempt to listen first and speak later. Difficult for me, I know. But I also remind people that as I learn and grow my opinions and ideas will change. Please have patience for me... and the rest of the human race.

I just started reading an interesting book called "Black" - by Ted Dekker. It took a while for me to get into it, but I loved it and am onto "Red" the next book of the series. There are great images of a loving God and a people fully in love with their creator. Spending the better part of each day worshiping or preparing to worship. The immense love felt by the characters is so touching.

It's so much easier for me just to contemplate the ideology behind universalism and debate if it is "cheap grace" or not, than for me to really let my guard down and be wholely in love with the God who created me.

So much easier to put down a book full of, in my head, rediculous oversimplistic claims of conservative evangelist Christianity and go volunteer at a local church and feel good about my social justice - than to really studying personally (not academically) the words of my God.

Eh? I dont' understand myself most days... but I'm glad I read. Blogs, books, billboards... really it all adds fun color and random thoughts to each day helping me enjoy what has been created for me.

Peace,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Overwhelmed to the point of apathy?

2011-02-26T15:33:00.000-06:00

So many thoughts in my head. Sometimes it is easy to write on a topic I am passionate about - I like to ramble. But lately the words have just not been there. My life was full of waiting, reading, caring for others, and learning to be patient and trust God to open doors for me.

Today I am overwhelmed with thought. (The internet will do that to you.) I had a chance today to check out what I have been missing on some of my favorite blogs. Oye vey. All kinds of things to think about, no easy answers, some things I have strong opinions on - yet all too often I just don't know.

Topics range from how to engage the church in meaningful relationships (marketing won't do it for you), living up to your principles, protesting for the rights(?) of Wisconsin public employees, the role of educators in parenting (due to lack of?), appropriateness in the media for young people... so many topics... so many thoughts.. no clear answers.

So what? One of my biggest pet peeves - apathy. So there are all kinds of things going on in this world that are interesting or that in some ways I care about, but I am not going to add my voice. AHH!! Why not?? Too busy? It's just not that important? It's our world people - care! Please... care.

Yet I find myself in the same trap today. So many interesting topics, topics I normally care about toay I am overwhelmed by. I could just go back to the simple and easy aspect of my work - meanial tasks that have to get done, so I might as well do them. Or contemplate how to ... well... how to share the message of Jesus with those who visit the camps I have the opportunity to serve. Oye vey.

As an oral communicator my favorite way to contemplate these things is intentional dialouge. Face to face communication shows respect to one another - your ideas and your time matter to me. That's what a good conversation says (to me.) Yet, we are very entangled in the tasks. And I'm not sure yet where my place is to ask or attempt to answer these questions. They are important to me - how do we share the gospel? How do we live out our faith here as disciples of Christ? How do I live out my faith through the United Methodist Church? How do I help lead others to do the same? On my own? Oye vey.

I know that we are all blest with different spiritual gifts. One way these present themselves is through personalities (a topic I very much enjoy!). I know that I'm a dreamer, a very "green" person who likes to contemplate the big picture and what could be. I'm not very task oriented. My to-do lists are everywhere and more often ambigious than check lists, yet they are my attempt to organize and work on details. But when we are so overwhelmed by our own individual lists/tasks/dreams - how do we fit together?

Today, do I care? Sigh. I don't know.

I ran across one shining white light in my blog reading today - one of my favorite concepts. Namaste. Ah... "The divinity in me percieves and adores the divinity in you." (is my favorite interpretation) Even if I don't know you, even if I don't get what I want from you, even if I love you - it is because the Holy Spirit in me (striving to purify me and make me more holy) recognizes the Holy Spirit within you and I will treat you as such. Someone wonderfully and beautifully made in the image of God.

At least that's one area I can focus on for the day. Amen.

Songs of Christmas Past

2010-12-22T16:28:00.000-06:00

Hello friends! Christmas consumes all life!

I do very much miss easy internet access. Sigh. But there are other wonderful things in life. Like Christmas!

So my pastor, knowing how much I love worship, asked me to put together the service for Sunday seeing that she is doing everything for all the Christmas eve services. YES! I miss putting services together...

So we are doing a history of christmas carols thing, and I think it will be awesome! I got a bunch of instrumentalists (go instrumentalists!!!) to play the carols while someone is going to read a short paragraph I put together and then we all sing the first verse. 6 carols, lots of fun.

I just love Christmas, but interestingly enough I recently learned some people really do not. I love the lights, the smells, the smiles, the decorations, and the SOUNDS! So happy, filled with love. But is it over commercialized and not really about Christ's birth? Well... this is going to sound bad - but who cares?

I take the side of the sergeant in Guy's and Dolls when she finds out the reason all the gamblers are at the prayer meeting is that they lost a bet. Isn't it wonderful that God can use anything to bring people the message of salvation? We don't control when people are ready to hear the word - like the parable of the sower, we can't help it if people aren't ready to grow. But I am grateful that this beautiful and wonderful season gives people the opportunity to (I know it doesn't happen in every household) hear the story of God coming to earth. What they think of it I can't say.

All I know is that this time of year, more than any other, people are kinder to one another and I'm grateful. Yes, I would love for that to continue throughout the year, but I'll take what I can get and keep on loving people. I can only control myself and through the grace of God I will do my best.

I pray that you and your loved ones have a very happy and warm Christmas. God Bless!

Your sister in Christ~Erin

2010-12-08T11:30:00.000-06:00

So this is what I've gathered from 2 Kings...

Jehoram ruled for 8 years - did evil in the eyes of the Lord, son Ahaziah
Ahaziah ruled for 1 year and was killed by Jehu, son Joash (was hidden when Jehu killed Ahaziah's family)
Joash started ruling when he was 7, ruled for 40 years, son Amaziah
Amaziah ruled for 25 years, son Azariah
Azariah (or Uzziah- called both) ruled for 54 years, Jotham
Jotham - good king, ruled

**here is where I get confused, in Matthew it goes straight from Jehoram to Uzziah - but there are 3 generations in between!

Ahaz - ruled for 16 years, did evil in the eyes of the Lord, believed in human sacrifice - even sacrificed his son! son Hezekiah
Hezekiah - really great king! Successful at everything he did (lots of battles), son Manasseh
Manasseh - ruled for 55 years, did evil in the eyes of the Lord, son Amon
Amon - ruled for 2 years, did evil in the eyes of the Lord, was assassinated by his officials, son Josiah
Josiah - was 8 when he became King, ruled for 31 years, good king, renewed covenant with the Lord!

There is lots of history here, years of stories, not just battles and changing of political lines, but they aren't written in the bible. At the summary of each king it states - aren't all the deeds, good and bad, done by this king written in the history books?

What stories of honor and inspiration have we lost? They were important enough for Matthew to list, our history is important. That's why we have tradition, to remember the past. The good and the bad, to learn and to be inspired along our path.

Role models, saints, hero's... we all have them. Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, Dietrich Bonhoeffer... all people I admire and have learned from. Who are some important people for you?

In peace,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Extra, extra, read all about it! Politics and Punishment!

2010-12-04T11:33:00.001-06:00

More history...

Rhoboam - was suppose to become King after his father Solomon, however when the working class came to him and asked for less work he refused and said he would make them work harder! (bad politics) and they overthrew him. it is said then that all of Isreal will reject the house of David... (forshadowing!)
But because Jeroboam (the leader) who became King strayed from God and built temples for other God's and the like, God killed his son and made Rhoboam king again.
***This is when Israel splits in 2, the northern half Israel and the southern half Judah. Jeroboam continues to be the King, but of Israel while Rhoboam is the King of Judah, and he reigned for 17 years. (but was always at war with Jeroboam)
Abijad - Ruled Judah after his father, did the same sins as his father, only reigned for 3 years, lots of war with Jerobaom. : (
Asa - took over after his fathers short rule. Ruled a long time! Worshiped God and didn't put up with pagan worshipers (even outted his grandmother!) Hurrah a good king! During his reign there was war with Israel.
Jehoshaphat - good King, followed God, was a peace with Israel! reigned for a good 20 some years
Jehoram - he married a girl from the royal house of Israel (who weren't following God laws well) only reigned for 8 years and didn't follow God (did evil in the eyes of the Lord)
Azziah (Uzziah? Ahaziah?)same? - (says the book of Kings... ) ruled after his father, but again did evil in the eyes of the Lord. Got along with Ahab King of Israel (they were family), but God spoke to a man named Jehu and he killed both the kings and their entire families!
After some rocky years with Jehu leading, Ahaziah sister got away and hid her son Joash- who began his reign at age 7. Both Israel and Judah (I think... 2 Kings 12) - But in the 27 year of his reign Jehu's son became King of Isreal.

So lots of bad kings, corrupt officials I guess, doing what they please instead of God. Which in turn lead to the splitting of the country into Israel and Judah and everyone kinda getting looser on their morals. God spoke through Elijah and Elisha at this time, but the kings didn't really care.

Thoughts and questions to take away: fascinating stories by humans that are relevant today, how were they relevant to Jesus? Why are their names remembered and listed in the first chapter of the gospel? What can we learn from them?

More soon!

God Bless,
stay warm!!
~your sister in Christ, Erin

More crazy ancestors!

2010-11-22T10:45:00.000-06:00

Back to the first chapter of Matthew to learn more about the crazy of stories of Jesus's ancestors.

Perez and Zerah - twins sons of Judah (4th son of Jacob) and Tamar (his daughter in law), when they were born Zerah put his hand out first but then pulled it back in and his brother came out. Zerah is therefore the oldest... moved to Egypt with their father Judah, uncles, etc. (over 70 - people in all) to be with Joseph and lived there until they died. Both had clans named after them (the Hezronite clan and the Perezite clan) caounted in the census as part of the clans of Judah 76,500 men the largest clan at the Plain of Moab before the Israelites entered the promised land.
Hezron - son of Perez, must have lived in Egypt, a part of the growing Israelite population soon to terrify the Egyptians. Out of fear the Egyptians organized the Israelites into work groups to control them, a pharaoh even ordered midwives to kill boy babies during childbirth or drown them : (
Ram - ?
Amminadab - only reference I could find was as father as Nahshon
Nahshon - chosen to help Moses and Aaron register every man in the tribe of Judah for the census help in the wilderness of Sinai, a military leader as well (Numbers Chapter 1.7) The tribe of Judah was the largest tribe at 74,600 men of the 603,550 total warriors.
Salmon and Rahab - Rahab, another woman! and referred to as a harlot..., lived in Jericho before the Israelites arrived, and when they approached the country was in an uproar. Two scouts came to her house and she hid them with the promise that when the Israelites took over her family would not be harmed. (Joshua 2) After Joshua and his army took the city, Rahab and her family were the only ones spared, well them and the gold, silver, and bronze. *personal issue - Joshua's genocide? hmmm... : ( The couple would have been part of the clans of Judah that settled in the area described in Joshua 15 from the great sea to the salt sea south of the tongue... etc. must include in part or whole, Jerusalem
Boaz and Ruth - The beautiful story of Boaz and Ruth is told in the book of Ruth. During the time of the judges a family had left Israel, and the 2 sons took wives from the area they moved too. Then the husband died. Then the sons died. The 3 women were left wondering what to do. One daughter in law returned to her family, the other, Ruth refused to leave her mother in law and the two went back to Israel. Ruth was not an Israelite by birth, but accepted it "your God is my god" she said. In Israel she walked through the fields picking up what had been left behind for the poor and the prominent owner noticed her - Boaz. (good guy too, he fights for her and everything)
Obed - only mentions him as a baby and as part of the lineage
Jesse - had 7 sons, lived near Bethlehem. After King Saul lost God's favor, his family was invited to a feast with the priest Samuel (yes the little boy in the temple who heard God calling him). God told Samuel he would point out the new king. Jesse left his youngest son David at home with the sheep, but that's the one God wanted.
King David and Uriah's wife - David the same harp playing little boy who defeated the giant Goliath. Became the next King of Israel. His best friend was the last king (Saul's) son... put a damper in their friendship when Saul tried to kill him... But an interesting note that Solomon was David's son with Uriah's wife. Well, David saw Uriah's wife (Bathsheba) bathing on the roof of her home and just had to have her, so he did. When she became pregnant, David had her husband brought back from war but he wouldn't sleep with her because his men didn't get the privilege either. Then David had him sent to the front lines where he died, then he took on Bathsheba as another wife. All to cover up his sin... despite it though he was a great King and musician, he wrote many of the Psalms. and he had at least 6 other sons (2 Samuel 3:2)... and 11 more including Solomon were born in Jersualem ( 2 Samuel 5:13)
Solomon - became the next King after David, but was not the eldest... actually his older brother held a coronation and everything, but it didn't turn out. (1 Kings 1) he married the pharaohs daughter and was considered a very wise man. He ruled Israel and Judah in peace and built The Temple of God in Jerusalem.
*musical reference: Fiddler on the Roof, If I was a rich man "like Solomon the wise man"

15 (13 if you don't count the women paired with their men) more ancestors explored, 13 more before the Babylonian exile
13 to Mary and Joseph

So much wisdom in these stories that has inspired many for centuries. Leadership, honor, friendship, commitment, true dedication to God, as well as the mistakes. Sin. Failure to put God first. Greed. Lust. Disobedience. Many lessons to learn we still teach our children today.

It's hard to love God and always put him first, we are often tempted. Stories like those found connected with these people help us remember and keep God first. Stories much more than commands perhaps?

In peace and love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Wisdom

2010-11-17T16:29:00.000-06:00

“It’s gotta be more like falling in love, than something to believe in

More like, losing my heart, than pledging my allegiance”

“Cause all religion ever made of me was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet”

These words are from a popular Christian song by Jason Grey that I have struggled with a bit. Simply because a song is sung by a Christian artist doesn’t make it true or theologically sound… personally religion has given me some of my greatest role models and hero’s as well as an enormous amount of encouragement and traditions to help me understand my walk.

God, the creator of the universe, made the human race, to quote Desmond Tutu “The Rainbow People of God”. Not simply are we different by our physical looks, but through and through. I have written before on personalities and ways to label them which gives people the tools to understand what makes them who they are.

For example, my spirituality type is a “prophet” described as someone who has a passion for people and loves to teach. Other spiritual types are “sage”, “lover”, and “mystic” each with their own interests, passions, and gifts. Other ways to describe our personalities can be learned from the “True Colors” test, “Learning Styles”, and found in the bible even- “Spiritual Gifts”. We are truly a rainbow people of God with an array of gifts, talents, interests, passions, and views.

These differences mean when listening to a story, we can all hear the same words and take away different lessons and meanings. Our knowledge also plays a huge role as well. Paul says to the Corinthians “Brothers and sisters, I could not address you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly—mere infants in Christ. 2 I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready.” (1 Corinthians 3:1-3).

In the words of Jesus there are many messages. There are some for those who are still young in their faith, basic Christian values and ideas. There are other lessons though for those who have more knowledge (not necessarily more faith) and are more mature in their faith.

I hope to explore more about who Christ was and is through taking a closer look at his wisdom through his teachings in stories, parables, and sermons.

Jesus’s heritage: Matthew Chapter 1

The wisdom of our ancestors. There are stories here, so many stories. Typically when given a lineage the male members of the family are mentioned, not the female. Yet here, Matthew mentions several women, some by name, other’s by association. These stories are important and Jesus will grow up learning about many of them.

Abraham – a common man born Abram, but with his faith in God became Abraham the father of Israel.

Issac – the son we remember from Abraham, however his half brother creates an interesting story.

Jacob – the father of 12 sons, and 1 daughter. Soon to become the 12 tribes of Israel. And father of Joseph, soon to become a Broadway Musical inspiration!

Judah – the oldest of Jacob’s sons, he had3 sons with his wife Shua, Tamar is his oldest son Er’s wife. When Er died tradition dictates that the next sons marries that wife and gives her children, but he didn’t (on purpose) and so Tamar waited until the youngest son grew up, but was burned there as well. So she tricked Judah and had twins from him, she and her two sons are mentioned here. Quite the story! (Genesis 38)

The list and stories associated goes on. When first read it can be a boring list of names that don’t mean much. There is a little name dropping – Abraham and King David are some pretty important guys. That would be like saying my great great great great grandfather was the King of England. Through association it makes you cool.

But as we mature and LEARN, we see that these names and their stories have meaning. We often think that Jesus was just an infant born to a poor couple of little consequence – but with this lineage – it is not so, and his family would want him to know that.

We are all children of God. We can all look back to Abraham and his descendents and the Jewish people of Matthew’s audience definitely did. Many of us today have knowledge of our families roots, yet many do not. But there is much to learn about the wisdom Jesus was born into through this list of ancestors.

Always,

Your sister in Christ~Erin

Habits

2010-11-12T11:45:00.000-06:00

Habits... sometimes I wonder if it's the Achilles heel of many of us. I unfortunately am not one of those personality types that is all that good at habits. This fall with more flex time I had hoped to get some more habits into my schedule, yet... November and still not there as I would like them to be.

Helping a friend with youth group this week the theme was creating habits. Many of the youth had asked questions about how to read their bible or where to start and other things that really have no specific answer so his response was pick something and create a habit with it. It doesn't matter so much what you do, but that you do it and regularly.

For a while about a year ago I blogged almost once daily. It was a great habit. I felt closer to God and I was learning alot. Lately I have been struggling to blog once a week - mostly because of internet access, but excuses excuses. The busier I am I find the better I have habits - they tend to to along with the schedule.

An acronym he found to help the kids went like this:
H - hang time with God
A - accountability with another
B- Bible reading
I - involvement in church
T- tithing
S- Study scripture

All good places to start. But like anything I think it is better to start with a little bit, a combo that fits you and try to commit to it. I love devotional books that combine looking up the passage in your own bible and then comment on it. Works well for me. Praying with meals is another habit that is great to have. So many good things it's easy to get overwhelmed and like a popular song out right now religion can become "a stone tied to my feet".

Obedience is important to God. Too often we make God what WE want God to be... it's easier. How do we get to know God? Read the bible. Daily. It's hard. But we sit and watch TV or movies for at least an hour a day, can't we give God a few minutes?

One thing I learned while reading Eat, Pray, Love is that you don't always love a habit when you try to start it, but after a while it can really become wonderful. The author didn't like the mandatory early morning group meditation and got nothing from it. But towards the end of her stay in the Indian monastery after taking to another she slowly grew to love the meditation and it became an important habit in her life.

I'm not saying we should all meditate (though I think we could all benifit) but some habits we don't pick up because we like them right away, but because they are good for us. Later with an open mind we may discover something we never saw in them.

What are your habits? What helps you keep them?

For me - an accountability partner is vital.

Wishing you the best in your struggles and your blessings.

Your sister in Christ~Erin

Oh Books... how I love you!!!! (dreamy sigh....)

2010-11-01T13:05:00.000-05:00

I LOVE to read. Just in case you didn't know. LOVE IT!

It's a retreat into another world - wonderful, colorful, and full of all kinds of emotion and adventure. I just finished reading Eragon, Eldest, and Brigsinger only to find out that their is a fourth book that concludes the story but isn't out yet!!!

I just started The Time Traveler's Wife. Oh my goodness... (happy sigh...) fabulous.

I was having a conversation with my grandmother (- who is also a reader) about what it is we love about books. I love the characters - how you can relate, or not, but exploring who they are as a person and why they choose to do what they do with the situations presented to them. Grandma loves the plot. Very different from the characters, the story itself not necessarily who is caught up in it. Finding that out is wonderful insight to my grandmother and what makes us different. =)

I love people. Young people - old people. People in general. Thank you God for giving me a love of your people. I think it's where most of my patience comes from. At the heart of the matter I do believe people are good, even though many times their actions are bad. Due to circumstances unknown people make a lot of choices that don't make sense or get frustrated, but when you get to know someone you learn all the wonderful things about them. Their likes and dislikes, how to encourage them or how to make them angry. The little things - it's what I love about people and in connection - reading about people.

Often quoted from the bible is the saying "We were created in God's image". People I get. God? Not so easy. I can't just go over to God's place and hang out, learn the things that make God happy, the way God likes a sandwich or just watch the general day to day life of what makes God - well, God. I want to know more - and all my questions point me to the bible. But it's not the same. It's like reading the diary of your best friend and wanting them to be there telling you about it instead.

Yet I was wonderfully warmed by the beginning of The Time Traveler's Wife. In a way, I felt like it related to my relationship with God. Sometimes I feel God's presence. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I feel like I know God is with me and where we are going and other times I am alone and lost. And often it happens abruptly. I pray for the strength to keep seeking God. To read and learn more. To continue to deepen that relationship.

I love to refer to God as "the lover of my soul". Most day's I can't imagine how anyone who has really seen my soul and who I am can love me, yet I am loved. Loved and accepted and encouraged. I also know love isn't just a feeling, it's a choice. Many times when I am reading stories of what God has done I don't love God - I hate God. Sodom and Gomorra? Even the battle of Jericho? What about the people who lived in that city? What about the babies of Bethlehem? It's complicated I know - sometimes it's about human free will... but sometimes it seems like it's about punishment and vengeance. I have this love for people - all people, not just Christians, not just "nice" people - but all people. I think if you get to know someone you can find redeeming qualities and pain that causes things that you don't like. But we are called to love our neighbors. Everyone.

Faith, Hope, and Love. I've seen that if I share love, I can give hope, and eventually help teach faith. But in that order. Love someone first. Not just the people who love you. Love all of God's children. and love God - even when it isn't easy.

That doesn't mean not to ask questions. Niether does it mean in this relationship I will always understand or get my way. But if God can love me with my flaws, I won't give up on loving God and trying to learn more and continue to seek.

In peace and love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

There is a time... WHEN?

2010-10-24T15:30:00.000-05:00

I pride myself in being a very patient person. Especially when working with others... co-workers, supervisors... children... I can wait. Yet I am not patient with myself or God.

Well... I think I could be patient if I knew what was coming. It's not that hard to be patient and wait for a child who doesn't want to eat their dinner, but I know that I'm going to win this battle. The broccoli will be eaten and life will go on - even if it takes a half an hour or more.

I pray that God has the same patience with me! I know that seminary is a part of my path. I know it's up ahead - but WHEN? When is the time for this learning process? Do I, or should I, do it all at one time? What if I go to school part time? Is that alright?

I know two things. 1- I have to go to school and get my Master's in Divinity and work towards being ordained as a deacon. 2 - I need to start/continue on my career path in camping.

Now - I believe that one day I can combine these two things into a beautiful plan. I want to do ministry, serve the world (children, families, young people, widows, orphans, etc.) through a camp. But when Lord? WHEN?

Today's devotional for me was from Matthew. In two words: Don't worry. Sigh. Don't worry about the future, don't worry about food, don't worry about where things will come from. Have faith and continue to seek God.

Seek God.

Okay. Big breath. Seek God. (pray for me?)
Hey- I know you all get impatient too. I pray for you, whatever your life stage is right now to also seek God first.

In peace,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Matthew 6:25-34 Do Not Worry

²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[b]? ²⁸"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Stories

2010-10-18T15:12:00.000-05:00

Isn’t it fascinating how important stories are to us? Be it a family story handed down over generations or a tale from a friend about their weekend stories are integral to who we are. Jesus used stories to help us learn and reach more people – parables.

I love to get caught up in stories. And a good story can be told and retold – or watched and re-watched! Tonight I find myself snuggling up under my favorite green wool blanket and memory quilt watching – Ever After. It has been one of my favorite movies for years, one that guarantees to calm and comfort my soul.

Calming is what I require tonight – but not for anything bad – I got caught up in another story and want to focus on something else. I just finished the second book of the Inheritance series – Eldest. (The book following Eragon). Ah. AH. AHHHHH!!!

The story hasn’t ended and I’m just dying to know what happens next. I must have read at least 300 pages today. I just love the struggles, the psychology, and the philosophy entwined throughout the story. To summarize 2 large (several hundred pages each) books:

Eragon, a country boy whose life has always been full of hunting and harvesting, finds a unique rock one day on a hunting trip in the mountains. Several days later the “egg” hatches into a dragon and Eragon is swept up in a momentous, unbelievable, and heroic tale. Through hardships, vengeance, mentors, new lessons, and the struggles of coming of age Eragon and his dragon become involved in many adventures which continue to unravel surprises about his past and the Empire. The 3 races of humans, Elves, and Dwarfs depend on this dragon and her Rider, and good and evil is never as black and white as it may seem.

The books, as any good fiction, deal with many things we face in life: injustice and anger, vengeance, honor, limitations, failures, family, good and evil, philosophy, strength, love, friendship, loyalty, and betrayal to name a few. All wrapped up in a delightful story that makes me laugh, cry, and shriek with surprise.

Book 2 ends with an understanding of the title and a whole load of new information at once – I am going crazy!

Through there are some really important themes in the book. If you want to achieve greatness, then you must take the time to learn from someone with great wisdom, skill, and knowledge. I want to do great things – but I’m not sure how yet. I dream of founding a non-profit organization based on helping connect people who have with people who have not to create real relationships. To do so I have answered God’s calling on my life and am off to seminary. Yet I struggle with the idea of spending more time not realizing my dreams and calling. But the importance of learning is bigger. I can’t do much with limited knowledge. I only hope that I may work on both school and this organization at the same time.

However I do love the way the author presents situations in which right and wrong are challenged, and often changed. To have an open mind in a very difficult task, yet still one of the greatest gifts and child can receive. We deal with this is life. How to face an employer honestly, communication or dealing with miscommunication with others, taking care of oneself, etc. These are also things I teach at camp. Subjects I love and yet struggle with all at the same time.

The biggest connection I made with the book is the main characters time in "training". Taking time out for learning is a large part of many cultures. That is the next step in my life and I pray that God grants me with an open mind and wisdom as I study his word and how to serve the world through him.

Proverbs 4

Wisdom Is Supreme

¹ Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction;
       pay attention and gain understanding. ² I give you sound learning,
       so do not forsake my teaching.
³ When I was a boy in my father's house,
       still tender, and an only child of my mother,
⁴ he taught me and said,
       "Lay hold of my words with all your heart;
       keep my commands and you will live.
⁵ Get wisdom, get understanding;
       do not forget my words or swerve from them.
⁶ Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you;
       love her, and she will watch over you.
⁷ Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom.
       Though it cost all you have, ^[a] get understanding.
⁸ Esteem her, and she will exalt you;
       embrace her, and she will honor you.
⁹ She will set a garland of grace on your head
       and present you with a crown of splendor."
¹⁰ Listen, my son, accept what I say,
       and the years of your life will be many.

In peace,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Imagine a world...

2010-10-07T11:56:00.000-05:00

Many people tell me I really only about 8 - or act like it many days. I love to play pretend and color! Even at work my favorite phrase starts with "Can we... " I love to rearrange the furniture and change things up to keep it new and fresh. Color, music, movement, and nothing for too long. Imagination is a huge part of me.

Yet I am not always stuck in my 8 year old world. None of us are. Something makes all of us mature and grow up. Sometimes we want it... sometimes we don't. People say the world ages us. We have all seen pictures of children who seem much older and wiser than their years. It's the tough situations in life like poverty, hunger, violence, fear, anger, and injustice that age us.

Yet there are many of us who haven't experienced that side of life. Imagine the college frat boy whose parents pay for college and spends more time partying than studying. Now imagine the college boy who's father walked out on his pregnant mother before he was born who is working 4 jobs to support himself and his family as he goes through college. Who is "older"? Now imagine a 20 something old boy who is in a refugee camp trying to protect his family and get as much education as possible while being displaced and fighting for his daily needs. Who is "older"?

It's often hard for me to connect to the stories and parables of Jesus. I wonder what kind of a world he lived in. Obviously not a world where he grew up going to public school and had his own personal computer to blog his thoughts out to the world and keep up with his friends on facebook. The stories he tells relates to his life and the lives of the people similar to him. The broad concepts relate to my life - struggling with money, struggling with sin, not wanting to love my neighbor. And these are the ways the church and our church leaders teach us today. Yet their are significant differences.

Social Justice is a concept many "religious" people grab onto and run with or run from. For some it is what the gospel is all about. For some it has nothing to do with the gospel and how dare you try to make it. I believe social justice is something Jesus was all about.

Love your neighbor. Not just the one who lives next door or upstairs, but everyone on the planet. Get to know people who are different than you. A different race, culture, gender, religion. Don't judge. Share your beliefs and your belongings. Take care of the widows, the orphans, and the sick. Not just by throwing some money in a plate or towards a charity. Go out and do it. It can and may change your life. That's what Jesus did. He didn't give all his money to the synagogue and work towards becoming the next "Nazareth's Carpenter of the Year". Jesus went out and walked among God's children and told them that first - they were loved. Second - they needed to follow him.

I read an amazing book (almost in one day!) by Barbara Kingsolver called "The Bean Trees". It's an amazing story of a young girl whose goal is to get through high school without getting pregnant and make something of herself somewhere far away from home. She ends up going from Kentucky to Arizona and along the way "inherits" a small child. Once in Tucson she starts making a life for herself working at a tire repair shop that just also happens to be a safe house for Central American refugees. In my eyes, it's a story of how Taylor Greer grows up.

My favorite line is during a conversation with a friend who happens to be a refugee from Guatemala who has experienced some awful things in his life. After hearing his story Taylor says "I hate to say it, but I really don't know. I can't even being to think about a world where people have to make choices like that." Her friend replies - "You live in that world."

I live in that world. We say it all the time, especially faced with something beyond words difficult, I can't imagine... what that would be like, or I can't imagine a world where that happens.

We don't have to imagine it. It's here. The question is what do we do about it. What does our christian faith move in us to do about it?

Give.
Be there.
Go out and love people.

Not just go out and preach to people about how Jesus saves. I mean, yes Jesus saves. But if I was a widow walking to the drug store wondering about how I'm going to afford my medication and you handed me a pamphlet about God I might curse at you. If you walked with me and became my friend, perhaps helped me with my paperwork for healthcare I would say "God Bless You" and go to church if you invited me.

If I was a poor young adult struggling to find steady work to pay the bills and wondering what is good in this world and you tried to tell me Jesus was good I would ask you if he was hiring.

Meet basic needs.
Preserve human dignity.
Don't do it through a middle man - go out and make a friend.

The best way I know to not get lost in the imaginative world is to experience the real one. Don't keep yourself in a pretty imaginative world were everyone has what they need. Go out and live, love, and share the love of God.

In peace,
your sister in Christ~
Erin

Learning the little things

2010-10-06T15:12:00.000-05:00

I often get caught contemplating the big questions in life. What is my calling? How can I help world poverty and hunger? How do you put into practice the teachings of God? Is God really just? I mean there are a lot of stories in the bible....

But today I was watching two little boys of a friend of mine and we went to the park. The older one, 4, found an acorn and remembered that earlier I had said that squirrels eat acorns and he said - "For the squirrels?" The rest of the time he went looking for acorns and digging in the sand.

I was so proud that he made the connection and that today he learned about squirrels and acorns. It was a big deal in his world and therefore, also in mine.

I struggle with parents who say, I want to let my child decide what to believe when they get old enough. Well... if we really believe in God and God's love as our salvation - they we should care. Kids are amazing and they learn so much in a day. I hope that I can help share my love for God and his love for them to this family as we get to know each other better.

I also struggle with the verse - Only those who come like little children will enter the kingdom of heaven. Little children don't simply believe what you say, they are inquisitive and get into everything and all over the place - (mentally and literally!) It makes me have hope that when I have all these big questions, I am like a child trying to understand something much bigger than me.

God Bless you on your struggles and adventures.
Peace
your sister in Christ~Erin

Educating our Kids

2010-09-22T11:27:00.001-05:00

There are a lot of interesting things to think about that don't really matter. Like what makes the sunset mostly red or why we only see the constellation Orion in the winter in this hemisphere. I mean, they do matter in the grand scheme of the world, but not necessarily in my world. Or the questions like Is God omnipotent and changeless? Because if he is then why does he rule differently today then in the old testament? Not to say that there is a right answer but interesting topics to discuss. Discuss - not debate. Talk about in a respectful and loving way. (Sometimes I have discovered these kinds of topics can lead to hurt feelings or uncomfortableness among some present...sorry! We didn't mean it!)

And then there are the things that matter that I simply rejoice that other people know and take care of that I don't really understand or want to know about. Like the laws. I like to vote, but I don't want to be a politician. I want to elect someone whom I have faith in and be able to say thanks or please don't do that. Scientific research too! I don't want to stare at petri dishes trying to find a cure to cancer but I'm really glad someone else does!

There are however things I do care about that do matter. For one, my faith. God has touched my life in such an amazing way I want to share it with others. I can only imagine as a parent how much you would love your child and want to share the wonders of the world with them. For many parents this includes their faith. So the question to discuss here is should you, the church, or anyone indoctrinate kids?

I can see both a yes and no answer to this. There is a common thought today that well... I just let my kids decide when they get old enough. (falling on the no side) Yes, faith is a personal decision. Yes, kids often follow the values of their parents and other role models around them. If the ideas are shared and presented. But, we don't let our kids (mostly) decide when their bedtime should be, what is good for them to eat and not, how much TV to watch, what is appropriate to wear or say... the list goes on. It's just a part of parenting. We teach kids what is good and right and what is bad and wrong. So why is faith questioned?

Well... faith or religion?

There is also many who teach kids theology that personally I think goes a little to far. Yes, Jesus loves them and I agree kids should know that. But I just watched the documentary Jesus Camp lately and was very distressed at some of the things happening. I have read about Islamic extremist schools for young boys that teach the west is evil and a threat to peace and happiness and God.

Hitler also educated youth. With propaganda they believed that still today makes many of us tremble. So there are extremes to this question. What do we teach kids about faith and God and the church?

I think that this is a fascinating question. It came up in a discussion with my sister yesterday. We were talking about God parents somehow and she mentioned how her and her fiance just touched the subject a while ago and he was not okay with me as a God parent because I am not catholic and they are. We don't believe the same things.

Well yes and no. Earlier in the conversation she laughed at me and said "why aren't you catholic?". We share so many fundamental beliefs about God and faith. That's why we are all christians!! Yet we often don't know the truth behind the differences or over emphasis them.

I say teach the kids the truth of the gospel. Use scripture for references. And teach them the differences of the major faiths and famous religious people and what they said. Saint Augustine is one of my favorite people - yes a catholic! But I still love being a part of the United Methodist Church. I also love Luther - (just saw the movie LUTHER as well - excellent!)

Bottom line - we all love God and have a very unifying message in his gospel. Teach that to anyone with ears who will listen.

In peace,
your sister in Christ~Erin

2010-09-18T13:45:00.000-05:00

This is from the top of Pulpit Rock in Norway,

one of my favorite places ever my feet have been.

Where has God guided your feet?

Lists

2010-09-17T11:55:00.000-05:00

Confession: I love lists.

I have been teased many times, but I like to make lists. I make to do lists, wish lists, grocery lists... project lists... lists of books i want to read, people i want to learn about, places i want to go. It's my way of being organized. (not something some of my friends would describe me as)

Sometimes I put the simplest tasks on the list and sometimes very complicated ones. It's the little things that make up so much of time though. It's the little things that we remember and that give us joy.

The latest time consuming wonderful joy in my life has been cooking. I get to cook for my grandparents daily and I'm always trying to use fresh fruits or vegetable and Grandma and I have been trying new recipes. Last night we made sweet potato fries and they were AMAZING!

A really simple recipe, a common task that happens daily, but something I'll treasure for a long time.

This fall I have been living the phrase "take time to stop and smell the roses". And I am forever grateful for this time.

Hoping you find your rest,
In peace - Erin

Influences

2010-09-14T15:16:00.000-05:00

I am often surprised by the things I don't notice. Often during a day I will hear something I think is really cool or see something really awesome and say to myself - sweet! remember that! I did that this morning actually.... I'm not sure what about though.

In my case, I am more influenced by presence then anything else. I really do love living with my grandparents, especially in those little moments where grandma just looks and me and gives me a hug. Her way of saying, "what would I do without you right now girl?".

Yet at the same time there are many things I want to be focusing on right now, and many things dragging me down. EXPECTATIONS!!! I am soooo sick of trying to explain to people why I'm making this choice right now. To stay with my grandparents instead of go to seminary. I don't have a good job here. I can't just say out loud to everyone that they really need me. Yes, I'm waiting to go back to school. When I try to say explain it, I get a look that makes me feel like I'm not going anywhere. Oh. and a change of subject.

I have always been the motivated child with hopes and dreams and plans. Right now I feel like I'm just sitting around. It drags me down. I drag me down.

But the other day I went to camp. I could feel the excitement run through me. Working on grants, answering the door, just being there with people around made my day. Nothing all that special happened. I didn't touch anyone's life or save the world from hunger. Yet just being there was a positive influence.

I do miss my friends. Many of them are all around the world. I think back to crazy times that many of them have been there for me. Late night chats, crazy shenanigans, "family" meals... They still influence me today. But it's not necessarily the things they say - it's the things they do and their presence. I keep tabs with a few by reading their blogs. Isn't it funny how you can really hear a person through how they write sometimes? It's like they are right there telling you about it themselves. You smile, you laugh out loud... you feel like they are still there.

Thank you God for the positive influences in my life. Even when they are far away.

In peace,
your sister in Christ~Erin

God is not a vending Machine

2010-09-13T15:16:00.001-05:00

A very wise friend of mine told me one night -
"Erin, I have realized many things people try to make God into that he's not. For example, God is not a vending machine. People put in their good deeds and their righteous lives and expect blessings to follow in exactly their way. But it doesn't work that way. God is not a vending machine." (paraphrased.... )

Very sound theological advice actually. In my devo for the day I was reading from Psalm 79. The past few days have been from Jeremiah. Sigh... Jeremiah. My favorite prophet. Gosh I can't imagine being him. Trying to tell the hebrew people that they weren't doing what they should and that they would fail.

I love watching the kids I have taught go through teambuilding games. One of my favorite things for them to realize is that they don't like to be told what to do, so maybe... just maybe... they shouldn't tell others what to do. I can't imagine what Jeremiah ran up against. I'm sure the Hebrew people didn't appreciate him telling them what to do, or worse, that they would fail.

Then he lived through the Babylonian exile. Being a prophet is hard enough, but to predict bad things and then see them happen? I understand the words of the psalmist, how long will you let us suffer? I feel like our society is fairly used to suffering. We hear often of single parents struggling, unemployment, homelessness... but we also hear stories of people overcoming. We life those stories up and say look - you can do it!

But it's not that simple. (sorry... ) Every time we lift up someone who has made it, despite difficult times and situations; those of us who do have enough, who are food secure, who even have extra (like multiple cars and multiple TV's, and stocks, and... the list goes on) say to ourselves - "self, I don't have to give of my excess because I worked for it. That person made it, so can others". Sigh... that's not what its about.

We want God to give all of us our happily ever afters. Yes, we expect struggle and difficult times - for what would any story be like without that. We all have something we're up against. - I love that quote from The Freedom Writers. But like any good movie, we expect somehow for things to resolve and work their way out. If we pray enough. If we have enough faith. If we are generous and loving.

That's not what God is about. God is about love. Forgiving us for our sin and saving us. That doesn't mean our lives will end like a disney movie. It's not a simple introduction - building tension - climax - resolution story we all want so bad. Sometimes we just have to accept the cards we have been dealt and make the best lemonade with them.

My favorite prayer (Francis of Assisi)
"Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."

Yes, I hope for my happily ever after. Find love, serve the world, make a difference, raise some loving kids. But I try to keep in mind that my God is not a vending machine and accept all the burdens he blesses me with as well as the treasures.

In peace,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Rebellion

2010-09-03T11:06:00.001-05:00

This was the verse of the day today:

“This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.”- Isaiah 48:17

Does it make me a rebellious young person to not entirely like this verse? One thing I try to stress to the youth I work with is that nobody likes to be told what to do. It takes a pretty good leader to be able to motivate people to do what they want without people feeling like you are telling them what to do.

In the US we live in a society which tells us that we can do whatever we want. It's all about having the freedom to live how we choose. And characteristically we get very upset when others think they can tell us what to do.

But then I wonder sometimes if that's not just human nature. When the Israelites asked God for a king, he said HE was the king. But they just kept asking until he finally gave in and look what a mess that turned out to be sometimes. Parents everywhere will tell you that children will sometimes do exactly the opposite of what you tell them just because you told them. Why is it so hard for us to be obedient?

But when I spend more time with this verse and fight against my rebellious side it is comforting. God knows what is best and will teach it to me and I continue to look to him and not myself for which way to go. Best of luck with you also.

In peace,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Life is...

2010-09-02T10:50:00.000-05:00

I am a thinker and sometimes I find myself pondering the age old philosophical questions many before me have wondered. What is life all about?

Well in my experience everyone answers this question differently and often tries to persuade others to their answer.

Life is about love…

Life is about success…

Life is about family…

Life is about relationships…

Life is about happiness…

Life is about God…

Life is about chocolate…

How a person answers this question, or whether or not they do, shapes who a person is. I’m not saying that you have to choose one – there is great wisdom in balancing many or all of those ideas.

Yet I can’t help but notice that I… and I suppose other young people, struggle to answer the question at all. This leads us to search, for what we don’t know, but apparently we’ll know when we find it.

At camp I try to show people that life is about relationships. In survival class we talk about how it’s almost impossible to live all by yourself. We as humans need each other. For help taking care of ourselves – getting food and building shelter, but also for company and love. Kids share how important their family and friends are to their lives.

And the staff teach how much God wants to be in relationship with us. Over and over again he reaches out and shows us how he cares. He knows us. He knows me. While it is an easy concept to say, it is much deeper. God knows when I cut a corner or tell a lie, when I go out of my way to help someone, or when I’m impatient or rude. He chooses to love me anyway and this is the amazing gift of grace. But it doesn’t stop there.

Life is about relationships. They grow and change as we grow and change. We get out of them what we put in. Many of us have seen relationships fall apart and disappear when we stop putting any effort into them. Yet God continues to try with us, with me.

Take time daily to work on your relationship with God. He teaches us to pray – to talk and listen to him. To study about him by reading the bible (remember who he is – not making him into something I want him to be). And to act on that relationship – serve and love others.

The cost of discipleship – choosing to have that relationship with God, is high. It requires commitment and time. But is one relationship I know my life can’t live without.

Transitions

2010-09-01T12:00:00.000-05:00

When looking at something with a critical eye we divide it into pieces and consider the quality of each piece and then the whole. Transitions is the time between sections. But living in transition I wonder if its more than we give it credit for.

I guess I have this idea that life fits into a nice timeline of events. Childhood, school years, college, job.... marriage and family next?

Yet my generation cares and doesn't care about this nice and easy system. What about those of us that have degrees and no job? So many more factors to complicate life... economics for example.

And then there is the cheesy quotes and thoughts that each day matters and we can make it what we want. Yet we all know that life is like a patchwork quilt and while one square can be perfect.... it's all of them together that really make something.

So what does the bible say about transitions? Not much... story-story-story. The transitions of traveling or time when their isn't a story happening is left out. (can't imagine how big the bible would be with all of the day to day!) Yet that is where life is lived.

So that's what I'm up to this fall. Living life. Caring for my family. Caring for myself.

Watch out blog - here I come.

In peace,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Friendship and Leadership

2010-07-21T20:41:00.000-05:00

I LOVE to meet new people. One of my favorite things about camp is that I get to meet new people all the time. As you get to know a person it's almost like unwrapping a present. You don't know what you will find, and you may love it or be very surprised.

Based on the life and teachings of Jesus, I think he also loved getting to meet lots of people. I wonder if he struggled at all... getting to know their names, remembering what they like and dislike, listening when they were talking. Yet the whole Jesus is God connection probably means he knew them before they even knew of him. I try my best to treat everyone I meet as Jesus would want me to treat them. Have fun, get to know them honestly, and respect them. I quickly gain new friends.

Yet... sometimes in someplaces my leadership and mothering side shows through more. I will step in to help a friend and end up leading a situation. Many times I am asked or it is expected. Not that I mind, I will automatically do what I can to serve others (I'm pretty excited to be a deacon for that is really what they do!) Yet the servant leadership /friend line can get blurry.

What would Jesus do? Would Jesus try to encourage those around him who seemed to need it? Would he scold them? Would he lovingly try to fix the little problems or would he just let them be to solve themselves? Sigh... well - looking back, he often fixed his disciples views on things. Yet always in a loving, non condescending way. He seemed to have a better grip on what was truely important.

So now what? I am going to remember the lesson I brought with my in the form of a hammock from my last camp. Relax. Remember that God is in charge. Pray for his wisdom to show you what to do and what to leave be.

In peace with love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Outside World and Camp....

2010-06-26T20:28:00.000-05:00

I am currently sitting in a McDonald's with 8% of battery left. Partly because of my own organizational mess... and partly because internet and camp aren't often ... well friends.

I am loving seeing God unwrap why he brought me to Pine Lake this summer. Please pray for me, the rest of the camp staff, the conference board/administrators, and all the campers this summer.

Theme: Be a hero, be a friend, be like Jesus.

I love it. Encouraging kids to make a difference in their world, be someone's hero... but ultimatly be more like Jesus.

Peace,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Norway day 2

2010-05-22T17:02:00.000-05:00

We arrived in the Oslo airport yesterday about 11 am (well... 11 am here - that´s 4 am at home). After a short train ride into the city (the airport is in the country) we were welcomed by my Uncle (for all intensive purposes...) Tom. His wife, Ingunn, was a foreign exchange student of my grandparents the year I was born. They are from Norway and live in Oslo with their two sons - Christofer and Viktor. We have been staying with them in Oslo for the past two days, which is an incredible kindness towards us.

I remember the last time Ingunn and Tom visited the states I was 13. Ingunn was pregnant, and morning sickness as well as jet lag was a bit much... so grandma had me come up to help with Christofer who was about 2. We had a blast sightseeing and hanging out. They have been so helpful from the start when I told them some friends and I wanted to visit Norway. They are actually out this weekend at a handball tournament with Christofer and left us the house!

It has been a fantastic trip so far. I have committed myself to being on vacation and not being stressed or worried much about anything. I am here with my friend Matthew, his cousin Nate, and our friends Mark and Carmen. The boys love looking at the map and figuring out the best way to get somewhere and what to do. We aren´t too jet lagged either. It´s almost midnight, but back home it is only 5 pm. We are 7 hours ahead.

Today we slept late =) took the bus into the city center, got Oslo passes, then went to the winter olympic ski jump. It is huge!! Very cool though. Then we got on some buses and went to see the Viking Museum - with old ships! , and an old Norse village. We stopped at an awesome park full of beautiful statues and sat down to eat our pizza we made at home and brought. There were probably at least 2 or 3 hundred statues of people. All in life poses... angry, happy, twirling children, hugging, thinking, etc. At the highest point in the park is the largest statue - 121 people in a tower all trying to climb up. Breathtaking and sort of humorous all at the same time. We stopped by the palace on the way home, which is really cool because it is so simple, not really what you expected. The subway took us really close to the house, some pizza and some cribbage later and we are ready for bed.

People here are very friendly. I always worry a bit when I travel. I know I am going to need help. I know I am going to mess up. I know I am going to do something stupid or get myself stuck somewhere. Today when we were waiting for a bus we were checking which one to take and an elderly lady came up and asked in slow English if we needed any help. She was so sweet! You could tell she was not very confident with her english, but had such a willing spirit.

I hope that I can be that loving willing spirit for others. I have my struggles and my challenges, for example when and how to stand up for what I think. What to say when others judge. How to be loving to everyone I meet. How to keep my life organized and together! But with the wonderful laidback friends I have and the new ones I have simply run into here in Norway I remember how wonderful a smile and a kind word can be.

In peace and love,
your sister in Christ, Erin

Invisible

2010-04-27T07:32:00.000-05:00

Last weekend we had a wonderful family camp come in sponsored by Cincinnati Children's Hospital. They were from Star Shine, a hospice program and each family had lost a child. It was so cool to work with them and be there to make their day and give their families a chance to be together and meet others like them.

I cried a lot. Some of the leaders of the weekend did an orientation with us before the families arrived to help us learn about their program, what to expect, and general do's and don'ts when working with grieving families. They also shared the families stories, from their own words.

One thing they said hit me hard. When families are dealing with a crisis and going through difficult times everyone responds differently. A child can slip below the radar of their parents by being the perfect child - getting good grades and having it all together. Or looking like they do. It's their way of trying not to add to the pile of things going on. But within that they can suppress their own needs and create a disconnect with the family.

It's a way to be invisible. Don't forget about anyone. Check in with them. Find ways to show that you are there and that you love them.

Walking my path

2010-04-26T23:07:00.000-05:00

Life is a series of experiences, and part of what I love about it all is that depending on where you're at you see and learn different things from them. There are many days were I love walking my path, but there is still a lot of uncertainty of what and how. I suppose there always will be.

There will always be days where I flip out. There will always be days when I break down. Worrying is one of the things I do best. I always worry about those I care about. In my own way.

I wonder about who I am in how I do things. I guess I will always do things however they are the most comfortable for me - don't we all? Yet I do always try to consider how everything I do will effect others. I laugh at how many times I've been scolded and told to take care of myself and stop thinking about others. It's how I connect and care for people - yet sometimes I feel like it all happens in my head.

We are all born with preferences and needs. And it's easier to be with those who are like us. Yet at the same time the world holds so much. Other ways to live, other preferences... can challenge your own and compliment your own. One school of thought is to know yourself, be strong, and go out into the world with a purpose. Another school of thought is to constantly seek out new opportunities and new experiences, being in a state of constant flux and change and growth. Oh how to find a balance!

I get to own my own feelings. I get to say them however I feel. Yet sometimes I feel them and then I get over them. Other times they keep sneaking up on me over and over. I still get to own them.

I know that I'll be okay on my path, but I've been fighting parts of it for a long time. I feel like I want to explain why to myself, yet it is difficult without making excuses. It just seems to me that seminary while it seems so right, so what I've been looking for - it is also giving up all control.

Judge less... sigh. Love more...
Ouch.

I don't know how to be me here most of the time. When I'm working, with kids or clients, then I feel great - like myself. But other times I feel hurt. I feel like I'd felt at home growing up with my parents. Not accepted, not encouraged, just put up with. My reactions aren't judgement - or at least not meant to be, but perception is everything. All I ever wanted was to be accepted and fit in. sigh... I guess we all failed each other.

Always learning about myself and how to better love others.
Trying so hard,
~Erin

Me and My head

2010-04-20T21:15:00.000-05:00

Me.
Erin.
I know who I am.
Right?

Sigh... okay - so if you are reading this, prepare for some major psycho babble. There are times where I feel like I know exactly who I am. I love taking personality tests to see what they say. I love finding words to describe what I like or how I think. I love being able to help others figure out their preferences and their own personalities. But other times I feel completely lost and adrift in the world. So much FEELING!!! It drives me nuts sometimes. It keeps me from being productive. It pulls me down.

For example - I am an Extravert. With a capital E. In fact, on the Myers Briggs test on a scale from extravert to introvert I scored a 25 to 0. It's not that I don't understand introverts need time alone to process and energize themselves - I get that. But it's NOT me. When left alone - I don't function well. I would rather be with the TV than alone because at least I have someone there. And I have been alone so much lately. Sometimes I think that's what makes me so crazy. I miss having roommates... but I do have roommates. I miss having roommates that are involved in my life. I get that they are introverts - but how do I respect that and get my needs met? Because my needs are not getting met. And I know that there are people all over the world who are not getting their needs met - who are hungry, in danger, refugees, or struggling to find work. I am just lonely. But it effects me just as much.

And at the same time I wonder who I am and what I want to be. I love to learn and embrace new things. Try new places and make new friends. It pains me so much that I don't get my needs met here. I don't know what I can do differently. But to work with people professionally when I don't feel like they like me in this kind of setting... makes me want to cry. So okay - I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am ruled by my emotions. I can admit it. I work fine. Not fabulous - fabulous is connected to my mental health being in check. This ... not so fine.

I feel like things just pile up on me and I just keep fighting. Fighting to keep peace in my family. Fighting against my parents to control my own life and help them accept who I am, while at the same time needing their help and their love to get started in the world. Fighting the world and the things I find unacceptable that are considered desirable or "normal". Fighting to compromise and not step on people's toes at work. Fighting to keep my head above water personally. Always fighting.

Some things are important. I miss my friends because I feel like they were always a break from the fighting. Always reassuring me that I was just where I needed to be and fine. Without them I have had more freak outs and break downs in the past year than I feel like I almost ever had. And worse... no one was here to hold me.

God never gives us more than we can handle. But I'm sick of being a fighter. I feel like I started at too young an age and I just want someone to come home too who will love me and give me a break. Coming home to myself... sucks. For me. I totally get that that's what some people need. But it stresses me out!!! Patience Erin, just give it time. People will come into your life when they are suppose to.

Or do I need to work on how I am? Become more open? More tolerant? Less extraverty... or feeling... or making decisions bases on my intuition? I know my preference is to be that way... but I can be different if it would be better. But it wouldn't be the real me. The crazy me I can be when I'm completely relaxed. Laughing and being crazy with my sister. Or my best friend Erika scolding me in restaurants because you aren't suppose to sing in them. The glowing perfectly happy me.

I just want to be me. But there are all sorts of messages that tell me that I can better help the world understand me and accept me easier. Before working with a new staff member one day I was given the advice - "She may seem pushy - but that's just how she is. Don't be offended, she is only offering her thoughts in love." And I loved it. I wonder if people warn others about me like that? I also have a growing fondness for the show "What not to wear" and the two co-hosts hear people say all the time - "it's not my clothes but my personality I want people to care about". But they stress over and over that the clothes give the first impression and make a HUGE difference for both you and people who look at you. And then their is all the psycho babble of "The biggest loser" which I can't help to relate too. I am overweight, possibly dangerously in a health sense. Every doctor has told me I'm fine, but seriously... 5 ft and more than 200 lbs - bad news bears. Sigh... who am I and how do I portray myself to the world?

So this is me frustrated, upset, hopeful, and wandering...
Haha... kinda normal for me I guess.

Missing my sister and friends who do oh so well at grounding my floating crazy self.

In peace,
Erin

Forgiveness...

2010-04-18T21:22:00.005-05:00

A tricky subject with me... one that seems to plague me. Yes plague me. Got this the other day. Sigh... and felt moved. Maybe working towards forgiving... (Devotion from the Upper Room)

Since, then, we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast to our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who in every respect has been tested as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

-Hebrews 4:14-16 (NRSV)

Today's Scripture
Jesus wept. - John 11:35

"JESUS wept" was the verse my brother Jefferson chose to recite for his confirmation. My mother thought he chose it because it was the shortest verse in the Bible and therefore the easiest to remember.

Jefferson died on December 1, 2007 at the age of 48. The autopsy report listed liver failure as the cause of death. Jeff was a chronic alcoholic. He had been to rehabilitation centers again and again. He once had a promising career and a loving family. But alcohol stole everything. Some of us, his family, cut off contact with him hoping that "tough love" would help. We were often angry with him. I was embarrassed. None of us understood that he simply could not beat his addiction. When he died, I think we all felt guilty.

Now I see Jeff's confirmation verse in a different light. Jesus came to us so that he would understand what being human is like. He knows all about weakness, temptation, and failure. This verse reminds me that Jesus understands our pain and weakness, and he loves us in spite of them. We too can try to understand others and to love them in spite of their flaws.

Ali Morrison (Pennsylvania, USA)

Prayer

Dear Lord, we are grateful for your understanding. Thank you for loving us in spite of all we do that does not please you. Help us to make good choices and to love others without judging. Amen.
Thought for the Day
We are all sinners - and God loves us.
Prayer Focus
Addicts and their families

Peace,

Erin

Breathtaking and radiant

2010-04-16T21:22:00.000-05:00

I miss this...
The dressing up... the group singing... working hard and working together
( i am in the front corner on the left - and this is cathedral in La Crosse from the Spring 2006)

Singing is my joy.
My perfect happiness.
My personal high. (all natural too)

So how does that work into the life plans??

Peace and pondering,
Erin

Undeserved death

2010-04-02T22:05:00.000-05:00

Good Friday. The day we remember Jesus on the cross. Those few lines written in the gospels many years after the day, prophecies foretelling it, and the despair we feel because of it. A day when we leave church feeling unworthy, saddened, guilty, and quiet. We pray for mercy as even today more than 2000 years later we still do not abide by the teachings of this man.

We do not feed the hungry, clothe the naked, or love our neighbor. We ask for mercy... yet do not stray from our ways! Sigh. Church wake up!!!! Brother and sisters - sacrifice some of your comfort so others can live!!!!

Yes there are many ministries reaching out and doing wonderful things. I have written of the soup kitchen in my town, their are many ministries abroad, there are children's homes and foster care and welfare and food stamps. Today we do not talk about deserving. Jesus didn't deserve to die and he did it to save us. No one deserves to starve and Jesus would not have wondered if they have a job or work or why they need it. He would have loved and gave... he did love and give us everything.

I was very touched by the cross that sat in front of the alter area throughout worship today. At the end of the service the clergy present (it was ecumenical and there were 10+ clergy) picked up the cross and carried it through town to the stations of the cross. It was very moving to see the cross solemnly carried past me...

Throughout the service however I was reminded of a movie (The Boy in the Striped Pajamas) I had watched the night before with a friend. I have been wanting to watch it for a while now and it was very good. **Spoiler alert** (sorry but it's important to my blog, but if you want to watch the movie this is huge!!)

Bruno, an 8 year old son of a German soldier must leave all his friends as his father is transfered to the country to oversee a camp. Bruno is left alone and wants to explore but is forbidden to go behind the house. From his window he can see what he thinks is a farm, but all the farmers are wearing pajamas. Eventually he sneaks away and meets another 8 year old boy on the other side of the fence - wearing pajamas. They become friends, sharing food and company through the fence. One day Schmal (the other boy) shows up at Bruno's home to clean glasses (they needed little fingers) and the boys get caught when Bruno gives him some food. Bruno lies and Schmal gets beaten. Not long after Bruno's mother finds out what the smoke is distraught. She says this is not place for children and plans to leave. Hoping to make up his betrayal to his friend, Bruno agrees to help Schmal find his father who recently went missing. The day he is suppose to leave, Bruno digs a hole under the fence, puts on a pair of pajamas and goes into the camp only to be shuffled into the "showers". His parents discover he is missing moments after he is locked inside and the gas is killing him.

Good friday is all about a undeserved death. We sin, we disobey our maker - the lover of our souls. I sin, I continue to choose myself over others, I do not love my neighbor, I give in to my selfishness. Bruno was an innocent 8 year old child. I can't imagine how that father would feel. I think of him climbing through the bodies to hold his son and how he would have felt.

God could not and would not allow that to happen to us so he sent his son to take our guilt, our pain, and our punishment so that we may have life. Heaven. Love. That's the easter story. That's the passion. That's the story of the gospels. Life, not death.

Confession

2010-03-14T14:44:00.000-05:00

I am a manipulative liar. I am selfish. I don't love people as I should. I am holding on to a grudge I refuse to forgive.

Yikes. That didn't make me feel better. =( Okay, maybe a little?

I feel this constant pressure to be "good". To be responsible, have my life together, be there for others, and fulfill my promises. Many people I know have described me as those things over and over before and it's hard to always live up to that.

Sometimes I fail. I am very forgetful. But I don't want to come out and admit that I messed up - mostly because I know I will let people down. So I lie. Little white lies, but painful for me. I feel like Paul when he says "Why do I do the things I hate?!?!?"

Romans 7 :15-20
¹⁵I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.¹⁹For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

Actually reminds me a lot of some of my babblings... thanks Paul. =)

I confess I have sinned. Against God and those I love. Over and over again I choose to sin. I choose to not love as I should. I choose to lie when I get in a tight spot. I choose to run away or put off instead of face my problems and fears. I have not been a good disciple. And as a part of the church, we together have not loved but excluded, judged, and at times even killed in the name of God. For this I ask for mercy and forgiveness not only from God, but from the non-Christians of the world. We, the church, have hurt people and to ask their forgiveness for our sins would definitely open some doors.

Inspired by a story found in Chapter 11 of "Blue like Jazz" - Thanks Donald Miller!

In peace with love,

your sister in Christ~Erin

Emotions

2010-03-13T13:56:00.001-06:00

Emotions are such funny things... complicated, wonderful, completely crazy, hurtful, and often dramatic feelings. I would go as far as to say, emotions make the world go round.

Feelings of ...
love
hatred
happiness
sadness
betrayal
safe
cold
warm
fuzzy
loneliness
powerless
helpful
frustration
contentment
worthy
unworthy
confused
at peace

It is hard often to express ourselves and our emotions, and everyone reacts differently to them. Some people control and own their emotions entirely while others are "controlled" by their emotions. Some people hide their emotions inside while others where them on their sleeve.

Yet every good story has emotion from classic novels to life stories to fables and folktales, movies and song lyrics. Humans have emotions and our behavior is linked to them. The key for me however is: I believe we can not control our emotions, but we can control our behaviors.

For example: I am terrified of the dark. Really hate it. I feel uncomfortable, nervous, frightened. However I walk home alone in the dark and lead evening activities such as night hikes. I can overcome my feelings and work through them, but some of them never go away. Yet they don't control my behavior.

Deeper example: I often feel overwhelmed by the love of God. Like a wave has washed over me and everything I have ever worried about will be taken care of because the lover of my soul is here. Often my response to that love is a feeling of unworthiness and that I should try to earn it. Be a "good" person, kind and loving, reading my bible and behaving. But when my "righteous" behavior comes from that feeling - it isn't quite right. I can push and push all I want, but in the end I feel empty. I must surrender my feelings to my God. Only when I can do that can I embrace the love of God that is in me through the holy spirit and truly share it with others - and that brings me true joy.

How are you feeling today?

In peace with love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

I've been gone

2010-02-26T21:53:00.000-06:00

Sorry I've been gone.

At work we got students back this week!! But it's been an exhausting change and I just haven't gotten to my blog =(

I'm also a bit scatterbrained and wondering... looking forward to saturday to catch up.

Until then reading "Blue like Jazz"

In peace with love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Rescued

2010-02-25T10:02:00.000-06:00

Stories speak to us. Music and art speak to us. They connect to something deep within us that we can relate to. When trying to recall something later - it's these things we remember. Someone can say something incredibly insightful and life changing, but our human capacity to remember... can forget.

Donald Miller retells a beautiful story in chapter 3. There is a group of hostages who have been held captive for several months in "some dark corner of the world." A group of Navy SEALS came in with helicopters and stormed the compound. Finding the hostages they announced "We came to rescue you - we are Americans" but none of the hostages would move. The SEALS knew they couldn't carry them all out... but what to do to help them understand and trust? One of the the SEALS put down his weapon, took off his helmet, and sat down so near them he was touching several hostages. He soften his face and put his arms around them. He loved them to show them he was one of them. That was something their captors never would have done. And soon, all the hostages were safely aboard helicopters and heading home.

Warm and fuzzy. Easy to draw a "christian" comparison. Jesus comes to us, especially in our dark places and loves us. He comes wanting to rescue us and will stay and hold us until we are ready to follow him. I believe we are all children of God - every last one of us. We can all identify our dark places, and we don't want to be judged on ours so we must not judge others. God comes to us all to love us, and we too should come to each other to love.

Sometimes it takes more time for us to move from curled up in our corner to standing ready to walk out with our savior. But I believe God will NEVER give up on any of us. Ever.

I can relate to the feeling of being rescued - as well as the hostages disbelief. A few years ago I was very depressed. So depressed I was just waiting for the right time to take a large bottle of pills I had been saving. Then came a few days where I was going to be alone and I said goodbye to those I loved. But God had other plans. A friend showed up and insisted I come hang out. Eventually I went. That night was a battle field inside of me. I felt God trying to love me, felt his arms around me trying to comfort me but thought I was crazy. As I felt his touch I wielded around trying to see who was near me - no one. In my corner I was convinced that I was alone. No one else really saw me. No one really loved me. Any anyone who tried I pushed out. But that night God wouldn't leave.

After hours of crying, I stood up and walked out of my dark corner and back into the light of the world hand in hand with my savior. My life has never been the same.

I have gone back to my corner - tried to take control of my life and fight off anything that didn't fit the way I wanted. Over and over again, God has come to sit with me in my corner until I am ready to leave with him. I know he will be with you in your corner as well - trust him completely, I know you are scared, but you aren't alone.

In peace with love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Christian

2010-02-24T21:18:00.001-06:00

There are christians worldwide. But we as many other humans tend to form groups with others like us, people we are comfortable with.

But we must see past our groups, our denominations, our churches, OUR people. We must see our brothers and sisters across the world and join together to bring the kingdom of God on earth.

We must reach out and love each other.

Not judge each other and refuse to work together.

Not criticize and stand around to watch.

To reach out a hand in love and faith.

To keep our minds, hearts, and wallets open to those in need.

To change.

To love.

Radically love.

Everyone, everywhere

In peace with love,

your sister in Christ~Erin

Gilmore Girls

2010-02-23T10:29:00.000-06:00

Life is about balance. Things I try to balance in my life are family, love, and serving others. Often I can get a little heavy with major issues in the world that break my heart. But it is important to balance them with love and laughter.

I love the show "Gilmore Girls". It reminds me a little of the relationship I have with my sister. We can tease and finish each other's sentences and sometimes get so mad at each other we need time apart. But there is a special bond between us that is hard to put into words. And she puts joy and laughter into my life like this show does.

It is a unique style of comedy and it is lighthearted, talented, and wonderful. Thank you Lauren Graham and Alexis Bledel for making my day brighter!

In peace with love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

I

2010-02-22T09:24:00.000-06:00

Don't you just love it when you a reading a book and you completely agree with what the author is saying! Sometimes when I'm reading I feel like I'm learning, sometimes I am just being entertained by a good story, sometimes I get mad because I don't agree with the thoughts and ideas, occasionally however I completely agree!

As I am reading "Blue like jazz" the author comes to the conclusion that there is a problem with people. In christian terminology we refer to this as being a "broken" people. In life this represents our failures. I am consistently 5-20 minutes late. I get really excited and tend to interrupt others ALOT. Laundry and I sit in our own corners and stare - we'll see who wins. I can't seem to shake my loneliness sometimes. I am flawed; I am broken.

What's more though is that the world is broken. In an incredibly insightful conversation with a friend, the author was confronted with his own humanity. We are all humans and can do many things - some good, some horrific. It is not difficult to look around and see the terrible things happening in our world, and often by humans to others. "Are you capable of that (referring to murdering and raping people in the Congo)" - the authors friend asked. Rock, meet hard place. If I say no, I am saying that I am superior. Therefore I must say yes, sigh - yikes. The world is broken, and we are all involved and capable of breaking, and ... fixing?

Then the author comes to my favorite point in chapter 1 - I am the problem. I am the problem. I am selfish and self centered and hypocritical. It is too hard for me to actually follow through with doing anything else. I have to do what's good for me. I don't have a choice - I need this. Well at least I don't _______. I am the problem.

I have been dancing around this idea trying to grasp my own understanding for some time now. I am the problem in the world. I like that. Well, not that I want to be, but I love the honesty and fire it lights. There is a combination of responsibility, privilege, consumerism, and selfishness I am trying to grasp.

For example, I am hungry - so I go to the grocery store and I buy some bread, salami (my favorite), cheese, melon, and a bar of chocolate. I am privileged enough to go and buy those things that I like - even though some of them have traveled a long way to get to my plate here in Ohio. Do I have a responsibility to my brothers and sisters around the world? - perhaps instead of buying a Nestle or a Hershey's chocolate bar I can buy one that is fair trade (like coffee). Don't I have a responsibility to be an informed and good consumer? However that is complicated, difficult, and I just want my lunch. So salami sandwich (I have no idea about the quality of this meat and or the chemicals in it...) grill in my sandwich maker so I can have what I want.

Yes, I am the problem.

But I can help. It takes time, knowledge, and I will mess up. But I have to care. I have to know where my food, my clothes, my money goes to support. It is my responsibility. So -

Little things I can do:
- be a chocolate snob (thanks Molly McKay!) buy organic fairly traded chocolate - it's better!
- look for local markets for produce
- buy things in season so they don't have to be shipped to you across the planet (bananas in Feb in Ohio)
- know your butcher and where your meat comes from
- research brands and companies - clothing, shoes, stores
- be picky and willing to spend a little more to make a difference for someone you'll never know
- share good food/clothes/information with your friends
- buy local - shop at the little stores and boycott the box stores whenever possible

Gotta love Ghandi -
"Be the change you want to see in the world."

I am capable of atrocities. I am also capable of love.

In peace with love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Blue Like Jazz

2010-02-21T20:42:00.000-06:00

When I started writing this book I just wanted to end up with something like Anne Lamott's Traveling Mercies, because in Traveling Mercies it felt like she was free, free to be herself, to tell her story, to just vent, to rant, to speak as if she were talking to a friend. Traveling Mercies helped me write this book, and in a way, for a while, Anne will be "The Beatles" of spiritual writers, because she has influenced so many of us. I definitely feel as though I got permission from Anne Lamott, permission to be human and to interact with God without all of the mind-melt that comes with growing up in a religious family. I never believed it would be published, and so I was pretty open in this book. My career was dead when I started this thing, so I felt like I was just talking to myself, or to the little reading group that met at my house.

Sting has this song where he says that he is alone on an island and puts a message in a bottle and throws it into the ocean, only to wake the next morning and have a hundred million bottles washed upon his shore. He sings "I guess I'm not alone at being alone," and I think that sums up how I feel about Blue Like Jazz. It feels like I thought I was alone but woke up one morning to discover nothing could be further from the truth. And people have been incredibly kind.

A friend and I are going to read this starting tomorrow - 2 chapters a day. I'm so excited!

In peace with Christ, ~Erin

Small groups

2010-02-20T20:31:00.000-06:00

We have a series of small groups at church through the "Girlfriends Unlimited" program. Today our adventure chicks went snow tubing! It's been really great to get to know women from my church better and on a more personal level. Hurray!

In peace with love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Wonder

2010-02-19T20:14:00.000-06:00

"Wonder is the beginning of wisdom" - Greek Proverb

go out and create something today!

In peace with love,

your sister in Christ~ Erin

Books

2010-02-18T20:13:00.000-06:00

I am thankful for language and the ability to share my thoughts as well as hear and read the thoughts of others. Lately I have been consumed by reading. I just finished "Saints and Villains" a historical fiction book about the life of Dietrich Bonhoeffer and I have just started "Stones into Schools" the sequel to "Three Cups of Tea" - the story of Greg Morteson building schools for girls in Pakistan and Afghanistan. I am beginning "Blue like Jazz" with a friend tomorrow (as soon as I pick it up from the book store!) and after that we are reading "Unchristian". Our book club just read "Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet" and the county is soon reading "The Kindness of Strangers".

Waiting in a pile to be read soon is:
"All rivers run to the sea" - Elie Wiesel
"Walk to Freedom" - Nelson Mandela
"Lessons of love and secrets of sanctity" about Mother Teresa
"There Eyes Were Watching God" - Zora Neale Hurston
"Say you're one of them" - short stories about children in africa

What have you been reading?

Tea

2010-02-17T19:16:00.000-06:00

Tea is the second most consumed beverage - water is first.
Tea is popular in almost every country around the world!
Tea has been used for centuries for different health remedies - especially headaches.

You can drink tea hot, or iced and just about any flavor you want! I like a nice green tea with honey in the morning to get me up and going. Sometimes an English tea with milk - smooth and sweet and creamy. Herbal teas if I'm a bit stuffy or have a sore throat, with honey or lemon juice. All day I will drink iced tea - green, peach/raspberry, sweet tea... lots of kinds. A nice chamomile is great as I'm relaxing and getting ready for bed.

Honestly I love tea - and I'm glad most of the world does too!
(tip - tea can be safer to drink than water where water is tainted because boiling water will kill any bacteria that was in it!)

God Bless,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

2010-02-16T21:26:00.000-06:00

"Cheap grace is the mortal enemy of our church. Our struggle today is for costly grace." Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

Statues found at Westminster Abby

20th Century Saints

from left to right

Mother Elizabeth of Russia, Martin Luther King, Jr.

Oscar Romero, Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Tonight the power went our for several hours here at camp. It's been snowing like crazy for the past week or so and I think it's lovely. I made a snowman, shoveled a bit, and have fallen down a lot. =) In general I am loving it!

Losing power was an interesting experience however. Can't flush the toilet, turn on the faucet, cook anything, let alone have any lights. We lit a bunch of candles and I sat by the window for a long while reading.

I have been reading "Saints and Villains" a fictional account of the life of Dietrich Bonhoeffer and am loving it. When I begin to learn about a topic I want to understand it from as many sides as possible. I have been exposed to some of Bonhoeffers theology and have immensely enjoyed it. I too struggle with the idea of "cheap grace". The life of a disciple isn't easy and too often I let it be. I am content to know that God loves me and accept his gift of grace - without to much change on my part. While grace is a gift freely given to anyone who accepts God - after we are given that grace we are called to a life of discipleship. Not necessarily perfection (sorry John Wesley - I'm not sure about that one yet) but a life of serving and obeying God's will. To follow the law, but as Jesus came to teach us, being a disciple is so much more than simply following rules.

Discipleship is about relationships. It's about having a relationship with our creator. It's about having relationships with our brothers and sisters. It's about loving people, respecting people, and caring for people. Bringing about the kingdom of God here on earth and having the faith that it is not through our works that it will come about. But it will not come about without our efforts either. We must love. Our Lord and our neighbors. Bonhoeffer knew this and spoke out against the prejudices and racism of his day - in pre WWII Germany and told over and over again it wasn't his battle. They weren't after him. But he held strong to his faith and views on social justice. He believed if a Christian, or the church, doesn't speak out against injustice against anyone; they aren't really following Christ.

One of his close friends and colleagues Pastor Martin Niemoller wrote this poem:

In Germany they first came for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.

Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Catholics,
and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant.

Then they came for me —
and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Friends, please pray for my path of discipleship - for it is a difficult one for me to take. I will pray for yours. May we love everyone we meet and always reach out to the needy, the suffering, the oppressed for they are among us even here and now.

In peace with love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Courage

2010-02-15T17:28:00.002-06:00

Today I go into my meditation with concerns and seeking specific wisdom.
I want to have courage.
Courage to stand up for myself.
But I AM afraid
Afraid of what people will think

Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

We all want to liked. I have this issue - I would really like to be loved. But I have this little hunch that part of this year is God teaching me that the only love I need is his. I took this year off. I took time to go teach kids and play outdoors. I made the choice against some of my better judgement. But there are many lessons I'm being taught as well. I only have to look out to the wonder and beauty outside to be reminded of God's hand in my life.

I have expressed to some of my close friends that I am feeling very isolated. It is not like me at all to sit alone or leave a group to go read a book or take a walk. I LOVE people. It is not that the staff where I work are not caring individuals, they are wonderful people. I have seen many really reach people with they way they teach and the way they care. But I don't fit in. Often I remove myself from the situation if possible because I am uncomfortable. I'm searching for the strength to stand up for myself and say something.

I have been reading a book about Dietrich Bonhoeffer - Saints and Villians. It's wonderful. And while I am reading it I find I am loving his character. I'm not sure if it's because of the way this author is portraying him or if that's really how he was, but I love him. I can completely relate to the way that he (his character in the book) goes through moods and takes to himself. Sometimes he makes comments that make him seem arrogant, but soon you learn he is just trying his best to be honest.

He is famous for his courage to stand up against Hitler, from the church, and speak out for the Jews. Many Christians at this time didn't have the courage. They were worried about themselves. Many ideas and ideologies as well as sterotypes and prejudice played into the situation, but the church of Germany actually split. The Reich church held the belief that the church existed to serve the state. Not humanity.

Bonhoeffer spoke out against this. I'm looking forward to delving into his work "The Cost of Discipleship." I hope it will give me courage as well as direction.

Philippians 1:20
I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.

I pray for the strength and the courage of my brothers and sisters in Christ to stand up against the ideas of the world and the words to speak to do so in love. Even in the small places in my own life.

In peace with love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Love and Struggle

2010-02-14T17:41:00.000-06:00

I am so filled with emotion, often I don't know how to make anything of myself!!

I am a thinker. I have tried to stop, or at least tone it down - with little to no success. And I am also a hopeless romantic and lover. I will love, to the best of my ability, everyone who crosses my path. =)

My personality is caring I suppose, but there are a few places when I feel completely myself. When I am singing, caring for another, teaching or learning. These tendencies have lead me to the church where I have met a God who has become the lover of my soul. This love is what keeps me going and gives me energy to go out and love others - it is a love that completes me. I have also fallen in love with the church, but it is not a perfect love. As I was reading "Saints and Villains" today - a fiction book about the like of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, I read a passage about him falling in love with the church seemed to echo my own thoughts. I feel like I love the church like Hosea loved Gomer. I have fallen in love with the people of the church and what the church is about. To have the security that there is a whole group of people out there who will love me because I am a child of God. No other reason. That there is a group of people out there who are willing to give everything to serve. Yet sometimes I do not love what the church does, I still have this unexplainable love for the body of Christ.

Yet this love and knowledge leads to so much internal struggle for me. I suppose it is because I want everything to be good for everyone and the more I learn the more I know it's not so. The more I read some of the things people of the church say it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart to see the church pick and choose who they deem appropriate and who they disregard. It breaks my heart to see the dicotomy of the rich and the poor.

I don't want to preach, but somehow I feel like that is because what I have to say isn't going to be well received. I want to hang out with my friends and spend a carefree afternoon like any other young American. Like any other young American of privilege.

I was born to privilege. I see that now. I can't hate myself because of it or my family. I love the opportunities and education they gave to me. But I can't just sit around happily watching a movie, going to work, and hanging out with my friends. Not when I know so many of my brothers and sisters are starving in poverty, oppressed, and abused. The church can't either. The more we do, the more it breaks my heart.

But I don't know how to change, I know I must. I must leave everything and follow Christ. Right now I have committed myself to study. Study the scriptures, study the saints, study the needs of my world. But after I have studied (yes even seminary) I want to LIVE. I want to live among the rest of the world and care for them with my heart, my hands, my head, and my love.

But I don't think my calling is to serve alone. As I try to discern my calling I feel that there needs to be a connection to the American church of today. A way of helping people discover themselves, how to connect with others (for love is all about healthy relationships!!!), learn about their passion, and put them in an opportunity to live a life of service as well.

I am enjoying learning. I have a stack of library books so high it seems daunting yet so thrilling of the inspiration and enlightenment awaiting for me there. It's just that the stories found there do pull at my heart and make me want to get out of my comfortable house and do something about it!!! (even if it happened 100 + years ago...)

Dear Lord, lover of my soul, to one to already knows my every thought, every care, every burden - I pray for your children around the world. I pray that you wrap them in your arms and meet their every need. I pray that your children hear your gentle calling to be disciples and accept the difficulties and gifts that come along with that life. I pray for wisdom and patience as I find my way to a closer walk with you. Amen.

In peace with love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Expectations and let downs

2010-02-13T16:15:00.000-06:00

Being lonely is a part of life, right?

I had a good morning, really a great morning. I was invited to the sweethearts breakfast at church and I sat by several good friends. Then we had book club - we read Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet - which was amazing. Inspirational, emotional, historically accurate, and encouraging. Then between the library and the book store I got more books a few movies and a good day coming.

I'm excited for my shawl to be done and start another for our living history programs. I'd really like to get some costumes that fit ME and look good for work too. I'm working on a great tablecloth for my mom, I am almost done sewing, but I'd really like to hand quilt it. =)

So lots to do and learn and think about, but still I just got hit with a bout of sadness and loneliness. I have so many in my life that love me. My church here in Ohio is wonderful. My family has really begun to accept me for who I am. I have wonderful friends. But there are others in my life who have let me down from my original expectations - you know? I've been told I give a lot to those in my life. My time, my energy, my love. Without seeming to want anything in return... but I beg to be loved. A note, a hug, a comment, just walking with me - something to let me know that you see me here. Just trying to fulfill my calling and my purpose.

Sometimes I just wonder about having expectations for relationships. Is there anyway to avoid the hurt when things don't turn out the way you'd like? Is this just life? I have expectations that when I love others - hopefully some of them will love me back. I try to rest in the knowledge that the creator of the world loves me more than I can imagine and has more for me than I can ever know. Yet sometimes I find myself wishing for that human love. To have the physical touch of someone holding you.

Someday. God willing.

~We can not do great things. Only small things with great love. - Mother Teresa

For know, I will rejoice in who I am and the lover of my soul.

In peace and love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Secret Valentine...

2010-02-12T23:50:00.000-06:00

This week at work we had a "secret valentine" exchange and it was so much fun!! I had lot of tips from co workers on fun ways that I could surprise my valentine - confetti all over the desk, in drawers - lots of decorations. But I also had a lot of other fun things - hershey kiss trial to the office, paper chains, window crayons (that was great!) and today the secretary and a friend of mine helped me blow up 30 balloons to cover the office and we taped them down! (so you can't just simply move them around. Then we took streamers and taped them across much of the doorway. =)

It's just been such a blessing to me to scheme and plan - and I've gotten closer with staff I don't typically work with as I have gone sneaking around.

I am happy to announce that my secret valentine doesn't know it was me and maybe will never know...! Ha hahaha!

As Christians I feel that we are called to be joyful. On account of the gift of God's grace, we should be overflowing with happiness and love. There are days when I don't feel that, but many times I allow other things to get in my way.

I change you to find ways regularly to surprise someone secretly (maybe weekly/monthly/daily!). Be it a candy bar hidden in a desk to bringing over a meal to a young busy family, or sending a card or note. Appreciate those you have around you and not just to yourself, but let them know it too. God gives to us abundantly so that we can spread it around. It often occurs to us to serve those "in need" and go to areas where there is poverty and suffering. Our brothers and sisters in those places need our love for sure. But so do the brothers and sisters we live around, work around, and worship with. Get to know people you are with. Listen to them when they talk. Ask them questions. Love them.

"For they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love. Yes they'll know we are Christians by our love."

In peace with love,
your sister in Chris~Erin

ABC's

2010-02-11T08:03:00.001-06:00

A facilitator told me lately that you can only control your ABC's - and I automatically thought... airway, breathing, circulation? (too much Red Cross) You can only control your Attitude, Behavior, and Choices. It reminded me of another alphabet as well...
Thankful ABC's
I am thankful for
Afghans
Breakfast
Chocolate
Desire to learn
Environment
Family and Friends
Great Grandmothers
Holidays
Ice pops (freezies!)
Jenna Lynn (my sister)
Kids
Lemon juice
Music
Nitting (okay knitting)
Oreos
Paper
Quilting
Rights - human rights
Sewing and snow angels
Teaching
Unicorns and other creative things
Violets
Water
Xylophones
Yellow
Zen gardens

and much much more.

I had a friend do this with me one day during our lunch as I was having a particularly frustrating week. Next time you find yourself struggling, take a moment to write down your abc's.

In peace with love,
Your sister in Christ~Erin

Racism in America

2010-02-10T20:10:00.001-06:00

I teach an interesting living history program at work to help illustrate the concept of racism and injustice to students. The American history of racism is heart wrenching and repetitive. Just think how these groups were treated - with dignity and human rights?
Native Americans
Africans captured and brought to American as slaves and subsequent generations of African Americans
Irish immigrants on the east coast
Chinese immigrants on the west coast
Japanese immigrants on the west coast
Hispanic immigrants
Arab Americans
Lots of images come to mind....

In particular right now I have been reading a book about WWII and the Japanese internment. Here's some facts:
"Courage is something strong within you that brings out the best in a person. Perhaps no one else may know or see, but it’s those hidden things unknown to others, that reveals a person to God and self." - Yuri Nakahara Kochiyama
Diary entry, May 3, 1942

President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed Executive Order 9066 authorizing the mass incarceration of over 110,000 Japanese Americans during World War II.

Two-thirds were American citizens. Over half were children or infants.
Their "crime": their Japanese ancestry.

Forty-six years later our government officially apologized for this "grave injustice" and paid reparations.

Could it happen again to another group of Americans?

information from - http://www.asianamericanmedia.org/jainternment/

Sigh. People are quick to judge and slow to change. I'm glad I'm learning about it though. Too many of us "Americans" grow up thinking that America is this wonderful place of opportunity for everyone and it's just not true. American is a wonderful place of acceptance and opportunity for those who are of caucasian decent. For centuries we have prosecuted and put down those who aren't. Even in recent history! We talk in our history classes about the horror of German concentration camps, yet we forget to discuss or even bring up the fact that during the war - yes 1944, President Roosevelt signed an order and all those of Japanese decent living on the west coast were evacuated and moved to internment camps. Lost almost everything they owned trying to prove they were loyal citizens (many were second or third generation American citizens). All in the name of homeland security.

In the past 10 years we have seen racism and fear again raise it's ugly head with the terrible September 11th attacks. Many Americans are fearful of Arab americans and there is a distinct hatred and distrust of people who simply "look" Arab. Many of us are so ignorant we don't even know what ethnic group people belong to and we are judging them as possible terrorists.

In the book I'm reading "The Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet" the main character as a child is forced by his father to wear a button on his jacket proudly saying "I am Chinese". Because of the fear he could be mistaken for Japanese. sigh.

Brothers and sisters we need to continually work everyday to diversify ourselves, make friends with those who look different than us, see a person for their humanity not just their nationality! Christ often gave examples of God loving and accepting foreigners, often enraging Jews. We must remember that our community is global and every person we meet is a member of our family.

I know this is something I have to actively work on. I tend to be drawn to those who act and look like me. But I pray for God's eyes and heart to help build bridges and heal divisions within my family.

In peace with love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

100 People Who Changed the World #1

2010-02-09T21:27:00.000-06:00

1. Jesus Christ
Ah! Love it. So I was looking around for some info on the wonderful world wide web, and stumbled across a site with biographies for the worlds top 100 People who "Changed the World" and was interested. Number 1 on the list - God. Awesome.

So I feel like this is cheating a bit... but here's some of their info from the bio:

A key characterist of Jesus's teachings are an emphasis on forgiveness and unconditional love. These represented a departure from the old scriptures which emphasised an eye for an eye. Jesus taught his followers to 'love their enemy' and 'turn the other cheek'

"But I tell you not to resist an evildoer. On the contrary, whoever slaps you on the right cheek, turn the other to him as well." - Matthew 5:39

"Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you". (Matthew 5:38-44)

Jesus Christ also taught that the Kingdom of heaven was within. To attain this state he taught it was important to be willing to give up attachment to the world and maintain humility and simplicity - to be like a child.

"The kingdom of God is not coming with signs to be observed; nor will they say, `Lo, here it is!' or `There!' for behold, the kingdom of God is in the midst of you (or "within you") Luke 17:20

It was the radical nature of his teachings and a growing following which aroused the suspicions of the authorities.

Jesus was also known as a healer. The gospels recount many miracles where Jesus was able to heal the sick and even resurect the dead (Lazarus)

Teacher.

Healer.

Radical.

#1 Person Who Changed the World

Dear Lord, I can never thank you enough for your presence in my life. Please help me to live the life of a disciple, to be like Jesus and change the world for you. The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand... we can love. As we approach valentines day I ask that you open the hearts of your children to reach out and share your love with someone we typically would not. Forgive me, your child, for my sinful nature and be my guide as I strive to live my life for you. Amen

Lectio divina

2010-02-08T21:21:00.000-06:00

Another art and tradition of meditation - the art of reading while listening for the still small voice of God.

I think of it (as best I have read/studied) in 4 steps:

1 - lectio is the first step where you read or listen to a selected section of scripture, either alone or in a group, and while reading focus on listening (not the typical speed reading). Read until a certain word or phrase speaks to you personally.
2 - meditatio is the second step where you take some time to focus on that word or phrase. Memorize it, repeat it just take some time to think about the meaning it has for you and take you deeper with it
3 - oratio is the third step and is prayer to God about the word or phrase that has spoken to you and meant to help take you deeper again
4 - contemplatio is the forth step where you rest in the presence of God and accept the message you have been reading/meditating/praying on

Just another option out their for meditation, I first experienced it in a small group. I like that it is a bit more structured than meditating with a mantra, however I have come to love them both.

In peace with love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Underdogs

2010-02-07T22:19:00.000-06:00

Many of us feel our heart strings tugged a little bit when we hear the story of an "underdog". There is just something hopeful and encouraging to hear that against many odds someone can come out on top.

Well, like many American's today, I was watching the SuperBowl this evening with friends and I was cheering for the New Orleans Saints. Honestly... because I thought that the Colts have been to plenty of SuperBowls lately and have won some - it's somebody elses turn. And needless to say I felt good when the Saints won!

Granted that opinion has nothing really to do with who plays the best, practiced the hardest, or at all really deserves it. But many times and places in life, skill isn't everything. There is a piece of us, of our humanity, that knows heart is important. We don't like to see a movie if the hero dies in the middle or if the girl doesn't end up with the "good" guy. Look at Adam Sandler's "The Water Boy", or "Forest Gump", or a classic - "Cinderella" would that story be known for over a hundred years if she didn't rise above all odds and end up with the prince?

Christians in the early church were underdogs and the church never grew as fast as when she was under persecution. The heart of an underdog grabs our attention and makes us interested to hear the story. Why would a person give up their life for their religion? Who was this Jesus? How does this community of fishermen, tax collectors, prostitutes, foreigners, widows, and clergy live together in love? Despite the threat of death, what gives these "Christians" the strength (or stupidity from others perspective) to hold on to their faith?

People are attracted by honorable people fighting for what's right because it is good. They want to be a part of that. As Christians we are a light and we must shine that light bright out into the darkness. Not being afraid to really live our faith in every aspect of our lives. To continually seek out what it means to be a disciple and what God has called us to do with our lives.

Live in the world, my brothers and sisters, cheer for your favorite football team for whatever reason, but do not live of the world. Remember your calling as a child of God and give God praise and thanks for all the Lord has blessed you with.

In peace with love,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Music and Colors

2010-02-06T18:18:00.000-06:00

I think it is universally accepted that no one is "normal". It is fascinating to me to learn peoples little weird quirks - those little things that you've never even thought of that catch you off guard. You like - what? What are you doing? Super funny to hear stories of couples as they are trying to balance which of these they can live with and so forth.

Coming from a musical family (both of my parents are music teachers) I LOVE music... yet I am not a fan of what most people would call "popular". We weren't really encouraged or allowed to listen to pop or country, let alone rap! yikes, but I have a sincere love for orchestra and choral music. As I got older, into my teens, I listen to a lot of christian music - but I still wanted the high quality I had grown up with. Harmony, interesting melodies and chord structure, and most importantly decent vocal technique. I don't have much patience if I can't understand the words or the pitches being sung.
(I am trying to learn to branch out!)

So one of my quirks though- I organize my music into playlists by color. (I have had friends comment that this is very strange.) Yellow is a great playlist to put on in the morning when I'm trying to get energized and wake up. Green is an all around very "me" music. My warm brown playlist is mostly acoustic guitar or accapella ish music. Everything has it's place and it works well for me. I do sometimes get frustrated with Pandora though.. they don't at all get my color schemes.

I think it's so important to get to know and love yourself. From identifying little quirks you have to making a list of priorities so you can focus on what you are all about. Only when we take the time to really grasp who we are can we truly being to live out our purpose.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, talented, and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of the most high God. Your playing small doesn't serve this world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you..." - Nelson Mandela

Holy Lord, lover of my soul, I thank you for giving me an inquisitive nature. Help me to learn more about my nature and how I fit into your beautiful creation. I pray that you would watch over all those that I love, as they rejoice and as they are weary. Lift them up with your presence. I pray that you be with all your children today who are suffering. Meet their needs both physical and emotional. Amen.

Wishing you well,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Stress relief and inspiration

2010-02-05T21:23:00.001-06:00

For stress relief I love to watch movies and... crochet. I just learned from some wonderful friends around christmastime and have since finished one blanket and am halfway through what will become a shawl. It is relaxing yet productive and I'm loving it! I donated my last blanket to the Project Linus - an organization which makes, collects, and gives out homemade new blankets to children in need. I'm also working on shawls for work - living history costumes.

I love color and quotes and a little crazyiness, so I got myself some window crayons (inspired by another friends markers...) and drew all over my closet doors (they are full length mirrors). There are positive things people have said about me, pictures, and quotes. Every time I see it I feel great and smile!

Just gotta go out on a limb and be creative and artsy sometimes.
God Bless,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Chocolate

2010-02-04T23:16:00.000-06:00

Lord, I am thankful for chocolate.

It's the little pleasures in life that make it extra sweet and wonderful. Like chocolate, or a warm cookie. Perhaps a cozy hug, or a sincere compliment. The things that just make your day that much better.

Tonight at church we started a women's bible study focusing on God's grace, yet another theme for it is chocolate. :) It was the best part of my day to sit with 9 or 10 other women in our church parlor (just redone and very cozy and relaxing) talking about life and faith. It is such a fabulous group too. I am the youngest at 23 and the oldest is a great grandmother of 16! Many in the middle with young children or older children... we range the board with ages and personalities! It was just such a blessing.

Sometimes I forget how important the support of friends and family is in life. I think I'm fine on my own - but I'm not. The loved ones in my life are another source of chocolate. From a catch up phone call or an email or an evening of hanging out - those relationships are crucial to our lives. I'm so thankful for my wonderful friends and family! (especially when I'm living states away!)

Surprise a friend or family member this week to show them how thankful you are for their love.

Dear Lord,
I am so grateful tonight for the wonderful people whom you have put in my life. I thank you for their uplifting words and thoughts. Without those relationships I struggle. Open my eyes to help me see when they are in need as well as when their are new friends on the horizon to be made. Amen.

God Bless,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Water

2010-02-03T22:54:00.000-06:00

Water - the Nile, the Mediterranean, the Danube, Caspian Sea, the Mississippi, Indian Ocean. Plants - Palm Tree, arctic lichens, lily of the valley, corn. Animals - lions, tiger, bears - oh my! People - Grandfather Eli, baby Annika, cousin Fred, friend Hose. Resources - copper, titanium, nitrogen, oil.

Balance.

Sometimes I think too broad and I forget that things have names. The world is more than just water, plants, animals, people, resources. Those words refer to real places and things and are equally important, without any we would not survive.

I spent the night at the Cincinnati Zoo last night for an education program (love my job) and meet up close some amazing animals. When we teach children about animals and ecology we try to teach them that the world is connected. While these animals are wonderful, if we don't care about the plants they need to live we won't have the animals either.

We all need water, and water connects us. As I reflected on "worldly" things today many thing came to mind. I saw animals from across the planted today and one thing that connects all of us is water. Water has a significant meaning to many people as well. It symbolizes being clean and life giving - but as we know all to well it can also be destructive. Think about how important the Jordan River is to the people who live around it, and the important water sources near you. How do we take care of our watersheds?

The next time you take a drink, or a shower - think about how what water means to our world and give thanks. How it keeps life sustained not only for you, but for a palm tree in Florida which may be providing shade to a refugee from Haiti taking a cool drink.

God Bless,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Kaj Munk

2010-02-02T21:11:00.000-06:00

Great quote:
"What is, therefore, our task today? Shall I answer: "Faith, hope, and love"? That sounds beautiful. But I would say - courage. No, even that is not challenging enough to be the whole truth. Our task today is recklessness. For what we Christians lack today is not psychology or literature...what we lack is a holy rage - the recklessness which comes from the knowledge of God and humanity. The ability to rage when justice lies prostrate on the streets, and when the lie rages across the face of the earth...a holy anger about the things that are wrong in the world. To rage against the ravaging of God's earth, and the destruction of God's world. To rage when little children must die of hunger, when the tables of the rich are sagging with food. To rage at the senseless killing of so many, and against the madness of militaries. To rage at the lie that calls the threat of death and the strategy of destruction peace. To rage against complacency. To restlessly seek that recklessness that will challenge and seek to change human history until it conforms to the norms of the Kingdom of God. And remember the signs of the Christian Church have been the Lion, the Lamb, the Dove, and the Fish... but never the chameleon." - Kaj Munk

Kaj Munk (1898-1944) was a Danish pastor and playwright killed by the Gestapo in 1944 for his opinions and preaching against the german invasion of Denmark. He was influenced highly by Kierkegaard, a famous philosopher - also Danish.

I love his (Munks) quote here about holy rage. I get so angry and disheartened today about poverty, hunger, human trafficking, war, terrorism, and just in general that wealthy christians justify their lifestyle without seemingly much of a care for anyone else. We have become like the Pharisees living IN the world and OF the world. We are so focused on what we deserve, what we want, and what we want. It's hard to say that we don't deserve happy lives in nice neighborhoods and food on the table. But doesn't everyone? Is it fair to want those things at the expense of others?

I say no.

I want to love recklessly and without abandon. Not to be concerned about the "bad" parts of town, but to find a need and do my best to fill it. To use my gifts and talents to help redistribute the worlds resources, expose privilege, and dance, sing, laugh, help folks reach out to one another and have meaningful relationships. I want to help the world remember that we have other options, and we can't just accept what we see and what we are given, we can schmear finger paint all over it and make it beautiful.

God Bless,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Presence

2010-02-01T19:03:00.000-06:00

Sigh. =) I meditated today.

There is something about the presence of God, to me it's like being wrapped up in a blanket and held. My message today was an age old one that we too often forget to take to heart.

My beloved, I love you.

No complicated theology, no parables, no judgments or exhalations. I forget that my creator loves me. It's why we are christians! It's what we talk about all the time! But do we take time to experience the love of God in our lives? To just be with God and feel that holy peace? There's nothing simple about it - it is a deep, all knowing, beautiful kind of love that we all seek but too often don't find. We rush around - trust me, i'm great at it. I am reminded of my best friend. We don't get to spend a great deal of time together, and the time we do spend together isn't really epic or really planned. It's the moments of just hanging out and being with each other that we feel each others love.

Yet there is always something to do, people to help, commitments to fulfill. We don't take the time it takes to quiet ourselves. To remember that while God can surprise us in the smile of a another or touch our souls in a song, we need to take the time to just be in the Lord's presence and be still.

For Elijah didn't find God in the storm or the wind or the fire of life, but in the stillness. It takes me almost a half an hour to focus on my breathing and try my best to clear all those thoughts from my mind. But when I reach that place where I am connected with the holy spirit it is indescribable.

Take some time today or tomorrow to quiet your mind and your soul and let the creator of the universe hold you, recharge you, and remind you that you claimed, you are a beloved child of God.

your sister in Christ~Erin

Love

2010-01-31T20:23:00.002-06:00

1 John 4:8

⁸Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

John 13:34

³⁴"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

They will know we are christians by our LOVE. Our radical, life changing, unconditional love.
A love yes for our families, our friends, and our country - but it doesn't stop there.
The SAME love for our christian brothers and sisters all over the world, of every nationality, color, age, and creed.
The SAME love for our enemies, for after all we are ALL God's children, all children, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers.
That's why it's a radical love. We are called to love people who are different than us, who may want to cause us harm or may not.

As a christian I mourn for the lost of a life, for that of a soldier -
from my country or one killed by my country.
a victim of disaster,
terrorists, hurricanes, violence, tsunamis, or earthquakes regardless what country they lived in.
for children,
30,000 died today from hunger - and yesterday as well.
Will another 30,000 die tomorrow too?

Jesus we have failed to follow your command, we have not loved our neighbor as ourself. We have not loved the children of the world. We have not accepted but ignored the hurting and the sick and the homeless. Give us sight to see the needs of our brothers and sisters and learn what it is to radically love one another. Amen.

Your sister in Christ~Erin

Church as a verb

2010-01-30T20:12:00.002-06:00

The United Methodist Church has been working with this new marketing tool for a while:

What if church was a verb?

What if the church was really an inclusive community of faith with it's doors opening and welcoming to EVERYONE?

This is a marketing strategy aimed at young people. I believe some of it is a reaction of the topic brought up in Kinnam's book "unchristian". It's a discussion of issues young people today have with "the church". Examples: too political, confusing, not accepting, hypocritical, insensitive, judgmental, old fashioned, out of touch, boring. So young adults - what is your reaction? Perhaps a more basic question - what do YOU think of the church? What has shaped these opinions? (experience?) What is your opinion on spirituality?

Leaders in the church are trying to reach out to our generation. Here are some questions they have:

What is essential for a Young Adult to feel accepted in a church for the first time?

What are the factors that will determine whether they come back?

My thoughts - I am looking for a church with a multi generational community (folks my age, kids, all ages). I want a community which can help me grow as a disciple and is welcoming and open. Honestly, first I will look at the website, but in order for me to come back I want to feel welcome. More importantly though I want to have had a positive worship experience - something that spoke to me. Be it the music, the sermon, or the general feeling and style. I don't think church is a verb, the church/the body of Christ/the bride of Christ - we are a community of believers - people.

Your thoughts?

God Bless your and yours,

your sister in Christ~Erin

Meaningful Words

2010-01-29T22:59:00.000-06:00

How do you respond to the following words and images?

Competition...

Justice...

Activism...

Grassroots...

Social Justice...

Words have meaning... some of them a lot of meaning, but it is a meaning backed by actions, emotions, and beliefs. As humans we are all unique and will always differ; yet it is not only a great learning experience for us to hear others perspectives but use them to help us better understand ourselves.

I struggle with competition, I am not competitive yet I use it as a teaching tool to help keep my students involved. I believe there are much better motivators than competition and that competition can tear apart people and relationships.

I believe justice is the ability for a community to treat one another with human rights, dignity, and fairness.

I love activism because it involves people who care standing up against injustice and truly care.

I love grassroots movements because it is about local communities coming together on a personal and relational level to make the world a better place.

I believe social justice is the act of working to create more justice among people, like Robin Hood, take from the rich to give to the poor. (how else will it balance out?)

What do you think?

God Bless!

Your sister in Christ~Erin

Our Father's Kitchen

2010-01-28T22:33:00.001-06:00

I live near a town called Wilmington, Ohio where there has been tremendous job losses in the past year. I don't know much about this as I just get here a few months back, however I can see that it has been extremely hard on the community. Yet - spirits are up. Those who have a little give a lot and those who have little, are thankful.

Tonight I went with a friend to help serve at the local kitchen... it's not a homeless shelter, and no one is asked how they are in need, it's simply a place with a free meal and a band playing during dinner. It wasn't always as nice as it is now though. Extreme home makeover and Rachael Ray teamed up (TEAMED UP) to rise to the challenge and build Sugartree ministries a new kitchen. It's beautiful and tonight we feed over 100 people. It's almost a resturant type feeling in the dining room. The lights are down lower, a live band is on stage, and servers come to you, tell you the menu and ask what you want. Your food and drinks are then delivered right to you.

It was a blessing to me to experience the faith and love of the leadership of this ministry as well as to serve a community that has opened it's arms to me. I look forward to being their again soon and give thanks for the people God puts in my life to say hello for him.

God Bless,
your sister in Christ~Erin

New Vocab New Fire

2010-01-27T22:15:00.006-06:00

I learned a new word, more than that though... a new condition millions around the world find themselves in which can be devastating. A term born out of our need to control as much as possible, especially people. Our governments need to know constantly what we are doing, where we are living or working, and our general status. Without the proper documentation of who we are we can't get a job or see a doctor, go to school, or travel out of the country. What if you didn't have this documentation? What if you couldn't prove you were a citizen of anywhere?

You would be stateless. There are an estimated 15 million stateless people in the world today. Unable to work unless paid under the table. Unable to travel, unable to vote, unable to provide for their families, unable to get an education to work past their present. Alone and unaccounted for - and uncared for.

Some refugees are stateless, however many have citizenship simply in a state where their is conflict and war. If given refugee status though they are allowed to travel and given aid. Unlike a stateless person who may not be fleeing from any conflict, simply unable to prove where and to whom they were born. (honestly not really their fault either is it?)

Without proper documentation (birth certificate, social security number, work permit, general ID's) people are denied everything. This is a problem in many countries from Bangladesh to the Dominican Republic to Pakistan and the independent states that were a part of the USSR. Imagine your government saying "No. We don't claim you and we don't know who you are."

Sometimes this is done accidentally, in a state of chaos or upheaval, sometimes specific groups are targeted (ethnic, racial, religious), and almost always it is a generational inheritance. If your parents don't exist to the government how do you?
So in response to this issue my heart cries - LEARN. Learn as much as you can about everything you can so that you can go out in understanding and love. I have 3 different colors of post -it's (yes I organize my life in colors and post it's) one for Issues I Want to Learn About, another for People to Learn About, and another for inspirational quotes from others. There are many issues I don't know about, but much I can learn. There are people who have gone before me asking the same questions and living out their lives in response. I want to learn from them to better understand my own calling.

My favorite so far -
When I feed the poor, they call me a saint.
When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.
Dom Helder Camara,
Archbishop of Recife, Brazil

Best of Luck with your passion -

your sister in Christ~Erin

Martin Luther King, Jr.

2010-01-26T22:43:00.002-06:00

I wrote about my experiences last week with MLK, Jr. Day in Cincinnati however I want to offer up some of the beautiful insights about this wonderful man.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was an inspirational man who has become known worldwide for his peaceful activism, and is widely remembered for his leadership in the civil rights movement to secure equal rights for african americans in the united states. However Dr. King also spoke passionately about the evils of poverty and war (Vietnam). He wrote 5 books and lead multiple marches, rallies, the bus boycott, was the pastor of a large southern baptist church, and the youngest recipient of the Nobel Prize for peace @ 35. Dr. King raised his voice against injustices happening in the world and our country for YEARS, but he is mostly remembered for one (be it excellent speech). Here are some other brilliant things he said.

The curse of poverty has no justification in our age. It is socially as cruel and blind as the practice of cannibalism at the dawn of civilization, when men ate each other because they had not yet learned to take food from the soil or to consume the abundant animal life around them. The time has come for us to civilize ourselves by the total, direct and immediate abolition of poverty.
   Still true today.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction....The chain reaction of evil--hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars--must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   "The chain reaction of evil... must be broken"
Nonviolence is the answer to the crucial political and moral questions of our time: the need for man to overcome oppression and violence without resorting to oppression and violence. Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.
   With love.
Dr. King wasn't afraid to speak out about issues he saw as oppressing or injustice. He wasn't afraid to raise awareness and actively do something about it. His 3 big issues, equal rights for all American citizens, war, and poverty. Dr. King wasn't afraid to say that to tip the balances back from the injustice and oppression that some will have to give for others to get what they deserve. We still haven't solved these issues today because we still aren't willing to give. I look forward to reading more of what Dr. King had to say.

God Bless!
your sister in Christ~Erin

Meditating

2010-01-25T22:55:00.000-06:00

Okay - so honest, this is the second monday I have not meditated. =( I really miss meditation in my life. My favorite way to meditate is with a mantra. I sit in a quiet place and focus. I repeat the mantra over and over again to quiet my soul and mind (this can take 1/2 at times, sigh!) and I listen. Sometimes I am just content to be in the presence of God, other times I will be lead to something I needed to know or focus on in my life. Afterwards I pray and am always so peaceful and tranquil and ready to go out into the world. I would love to get back in the habit.

The mantra I have felt lead to in the last year has been:

"Be still and know that I am God"

I'm still working on that.

It's easier for me to spend hours working on the blog - new template, trying new gadgets, (I am trying to get a bookshelf of the books I am reading, but it just gives a link! Oye vey!!) But I can't take an hour a day to mediate? Or even once a week? I'm working on that. At least I am almost keeping up with the once daily blogging. We'll just have to see where it goes.

God Bless your and yours!
Your sister in Christ~ Erin

The Temple of God

2010-01-25T22:47:00.000-06:00

As I have been reading Shane Clayborne's "The Irresistible Revolution" I have been very challenged by some of the things he says - yet challenged in a way I've been looking for. My friends call me compassionate. Today I was referred to as "mission- minded". Close friends have been worried about me because I care too much for others. Yet I struggle with what is God calling me to do?

I feel like I have found an answer in the role of a deacon in the church. A person to lead the church in mission and open their eyes to the needs of the world.

This book is calling me out to accept that I have been born to PRIVILEGE. It's not because of anything I have done or deserve that I happened to be born into the top 20% of the wealth in the world. I could have just as easily been born in Haiti, or South Africa, or Nepal, or Columbia. But I have been blessed to be born into a wonderful mid-western family, and privileged. Privileged to be white, to get an education, to be middle class, healthy, and to live in a house. All things which I have honestly just been given - advantages over those who have drawn a shorter straw.

To be born in the lower class, colored, sick, where there are no public schools, into a family without a house - these are all things that give a distinct disadvantage, but to no fault of the child born to ANY of these circumstances.

So what? So Jesus calls me to follow him and be a disciple. Not only to keep the law and learn to be righteous - which is quite a task - but also to care for the hurting, the poor, the oppressed, the orphans, the sick, the marginalized. To see them as PEOPLE and as a part of the church. (Not a building, but a body and as Paul described, needing ALL of it's parts)

I read in Matthew 26 today how the only real charge they could hold against Jesus was him saying "I am able to destroy the temple of God and rebuild it in three days" (something he said while teaching in the temple. Interestingly enough, in the context of my culture, their is a hint of a terrorist threat there. Sigh - oh my goodness. But I was reminded of Paul's reference to the church as PEOPLE and the emphasis on relationships. I want to serve those in need, not just those who are in my middle class church, not just helping in the kitchen and singing or reading at services, I want to help those who are oppressed and marginalized. I want to live among them - not separated. I want to share my privilege with my brothers and sisters who struggle for clean water and food. I want to challenge the church to stop pretending there aren't people hurting out there in the world and DO SOMETHING about it. And something relevant.

Jesus focuses on people not things. It's easy for me to give away my clothes or my TV. But it's not so easy to love people. When he said he could destroy the temple, he wasn't talking about a building - he was talking about God's temple, the church - US. Has it really been rebuilt? Or are some of us forgetting our roles?

I want to accept my privilege and then accept my Christian responsibility to my brothers and sisters. I want to give in every way I can to those hurting around me. I give of my time at my church, I help at the local food pantry, I am going to start helping with the free clinic in town, and try to find a regular time to volunteer at a local horse rescue I've started volunteering at.

This will be my life -
loving others,
serving those in need,
educating others on our RESPONSIBILITY to those in need.
I'm just looking for my Calcutta.

Your sister in Christ~Erin

Discipleship

2010-01-23T23:05:00.000-06:00

I was reading "Irreversible Revolution" today by Shane Clayborne (which I highly recommend to anyone who has not read it) and found myself very challenged. As I have been reading Matthew there are several things that have stood out to me that Jesus says and my reaction is - "I don't understand!". Yet Shane says to those of us who are comfortable in the world - you DO understand, you just don't want to hear what Jesus is really saying.

This is true. I am grateful for the blessing of growing up among the world's wealthy (not the wealthy of the US, but truly within the wealthy of the world). I do not have to worry much about where my next meal will come from like 1 in 6 people in the world. I often consider myself poor, yet I am not 1 of 6 people in the world who earn 1.25 a day or less - the international poverty level. (Facts from Bread for the World).

Jesus calls me to be a disciple, but he has high standards. He is a revolutionary of his time, doing things most "respectable" folks would definitely call strange. But at the same time, he shows us that we can make a better world for all of God's children by following him and sharing the good news of God's love everywhere. His message is still radical today. These are some of the strange things he tells us to do in the last few chapters of Matthew I've been reading:

- Serve one another, don't strive to be first (23.11)

- Follow the law (commandments) but with mercy, faithfulness, and justice (23.23)

- Use your gifts, talents for the glory of God (25. 14-30)

- Real discipleship will grow fruit, if you do not grow - serve and love your neighbor, you will be among the goats, not the sheep (25. 31-46)

- Have faith and miraculous things will happen

- Be generous

- Do not judge others

- Divorce will not be honored unless there is unfaithfulness

- Care for the sick, the widowed, the orphaned, the poor, and the helpless

- Love.

In our happy comfortable middle & upper class faith we feel good about giving to the offering plate to serve those in need. We explain that when Jesus said "sell all your possessions and give it to the poor" he didn't really MEAN that. It's okay to be wealthy. God blesses those who work hard. Having 5 TV's in your house and multiple cars in your driveway is fine, as long as you go to church and try to do good.

But what if Jesus really did mean all those things the gospels say he said? What if to be a disciple I am really charged with going out and serving those in need with my obvious excess? What if all christians went out and really got to know the hurting? the homeless? the sick? the helpless? and loved and served them? What would our world look like?

One story particularly stayed with me. There was a group of homeless families who had taken up residence in an abandoned cathedral while on waiting lists for subsidized housing and the church officials weren't very happy about it. With the help of college students however they were able to continue living there and bring about attention to their needs (in Philadelphia, PA - p.s. that's needy people in the US). One day a church dropped off a box of things marked "for the homeless"- a box full of microwave popcorn. Microwave popcorn. Do you really think the homeless have the ability to heat it? Let alone the need for it? Around the same time the Mafia came over and brought bikes for each of the children. How can the church be the hands and feet of God if we can't really understand the need?

Jesus's message is strange and makes is uncomfortable. Many walked away from it. But it was radical and lifechanging. I don't know about you, but I want to be a part of that - it sounds wonderful.

So my first step - get deeper with my volunteering. There have been a lot of folks who have lost their jobs around here, and there is a lot of need. Second, continue teaching children to open their minds to the world and the difference they can make in it. Third, learn from people who have gone before me changing the world. Fourth, find my own Calcutta. Mother Teresa said "Calcutta's are everywhere if only we have the eyes to see. Find your Calcutta."

Lord, help me to grow in knowledge, experience, and wisdom to find the needs that you have prepared me to meet. Lead me to those who need your love in the way I can provide.

your sister in Christ~ Erin

Sculpting connections

2010-01-23T00:09:00.004-06:00

As I read Matthew 22 some connections came up in my mind... Give to Caesar what is Caesars...

and give to God what is Gods... What is God's? Our gifts, talents, and service... if made in clay/playdough -

One of mine is teaching kids about the earth... like the fact that earthworms are invasive to North America! And one way I like to teach is by using games and toys to help be tactile and learn through experience. =) What would you sculpt as an example of something that you could particularly give to God?

Another theme of Matthew is that of a corrupt leadership in the church. I was struck by this passage especially: Matthew 23.13 "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men's faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to.^[c]"

Have you ever felt as if someone in the church shut the door to heaven on you?

I keep a candle by my bed and near the window. Matthew 24 sounds a lot like prophesy with a message loud and clear - keep watch.

your sister in Christ~Erin

Issues I don't have!

2010-01-21T18:36:00.002-06:00

Thursdays I am devoting to being particularly thankful. Today as I read Matthew 19-21 I am very thankful that I am not dealing with many of the issues the people of Matthew were dealing with.

Thank you Lord I am not trying to get a divorce - (Divorce, Matt. 19.4)
Thank you Lord I am not rich - (On being perfect, Matt 19.21)
Thank you Lord I am content - (Parable of the Laborers, Matt. 20.1-16)
Thank you Lord I have my sight! - (Blind man, Matt. 20.34)
Thank you Lord I am not a slave - (Parable of the Vineyard, Matt. 21.33-41)
Thank you Lord I am not a hypocritical scribe, priest, or pharisee - (Plot against Jesus, Matt. 21.23)

There are many cute sayings, songs, poems etc. to help us remember to count our blessings - one of my favorite songs "Count your Blessings" from White Christmas. "When I'm worried and can not sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep"

A more modern and comical song with the same idea is found in a song from Avenue Q called "Schadenfreude"

Right now you are down and out and feeling really crappy
I'll say.
And when I see how sad you are
It sort of makes me...
Happy!
Happy?!
Sorry, Nicky, human nature-
Nothing I can do!
It's...
Schadenfreude!
Making me feel glad that I'm not you

Thank you Lord for the blessings I take for granted.

your sister in Christ~ Erin

Worldly Children

2010-01-20T22:10:00.002-06:00

I think it's fair to say that everyone is a sucker for kids. They are so cute! We feel a tug of our heart by the cute things they do and are outraged by anyone who would wish any of them harm. It seems in Chapter 18 of Matthew, that Jesus feels the same way. Children are precious and we mush protect them and love them.

My heart is drawn to children and youth. I love spending time with them - playing and teaching. Especially the very young children. They are just so cuddly and will just reach out and love you. I used to look forward to my time working in the nursery every week because I knew the kids would make me feel better.

It is the pictures and stories of children hurting that reach out and touch our hearts the most. This week our world is hurting from the terrible disaster that has happened in Haiti. Disaster relief and volunteers have been working to help those injured, homeless, and hungry to simply survive until lives can begin to be put back together. Here are some stories, but think about them along with Jesus's words "and whoever welcomes a child in my name, welcomes me"

One patient is a 2-month-old baby with severe burns over 50 percent of her body. She's really not drinking that well. She's at risk for dehydration and infection. One second she's up, and then not responsive and listless the next - she need better care. This is a baby that would be in an intensive care unit in the United States.

We're here with 15-year-old Lovely. Two days ago she was found under rubble, three days into the disaster - she had a corpse on top of her. The Miami Search and Rescue Team actually went in and had to amputate her arm in the field.

We then operated on her and resuscitated her on a folding card table under a tree. She's alive, but infection is setting in - we're going to the operating table to clean out the wound and hopefully she'll do OK.

Better news today for a two month old who was trapped beneath rubble for four days. We spent an hour resuscitating her and then she was airlifted out to Miami's Jackson Memorial hospital where's in critical but stable condition.

With prayers for all those suffering and grateful for my own blessings,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

2010-01-19T22:05:00.000-06:00

Tuesdays is a day to note a talented person out there. Today I chose Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. because while reading Matthew 15 - the parable of what pollutes your life I was reminded of a letter written by Dr. King that was read at a celebration for him yesterday (Mr. Luther King Day)

Matthew quotes Jesus to say that it's not what you swallow that pollutes your life, but that which you "vomit" - is the text used in the message =). Saying, it's not about what you hear and experience that can hurt you, but the things that you say come from the heart and are things you truly understand and believe. These are the things that connect to you the greatest.

I was thrilled reading this because I often worry about the influences of things that I have been around or study. I have heard often times to be careful of your company and the people you spend your time with as they rub off on you. Yet I believe strongly in tolerance and getting to know others- especially those different from you.

(forgive me I will quote more directly soon...)
The letters that spoke to me were exchanged between a Jewish doctor and Dr. King asking his opinion of a statement in the Southern Baptist Conference pamphlet. It had a statement referring to the 5 million plus Jews of our nation as "lost souls" because they haven't experienced the saving grace of Jesus Christ. Dr. King replied that he did not agree with the statement. Furthermore he hopes for a day when people can understand that "God has more in his fold" than just their group - i.e. Christians.

Spoke to my heart.

God Bless you and yours,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Taffy

2010-01-19T21:42:00.000-06:00

Today I find myself in an old personal struggle. There are some verses here in Matthew that speak to my heart and give me peace. And there are some verses that twist knots in my stomach.

12.36 "I tell you, on the day of judgement you will have to give an account for every careless word you utter"

11.28"Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."

10.24"Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth, I have not come to bring peace but a sword"

12.50 "For whoever does the will of my father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother"

I feel pulled like taffy...

Lord,
Please grant me the wisdom to understand your word and how it should guide my life. Amen.

your sister in Christ~Erin

Dr. Jesus

2010-01-17T23:22:00.003-06:00

Dr. Jesus has created a very simple pattern in these three chapters - teach, heal, love. (kinda reminds me a bit of Dr. Phil) So many things stick out to me in these chapters I'm not sure where to go...

To start, somedays I just LOVE the Message. Reading these chapters brought a smile to my face today how straightforward and abrupt it can be. Matthew 9.^34"The Pharisees were left sputtering, "Hocus-pocus. It's nothing but hocus-pocus. He's probably made a pact with the Devil."" Really? It put an interesting new spin on the passages for me. Often while reading I have this problem of zoning out, it's a combination of "hey, I've sung that text...and getting lost in the music" and "I've heard this story a million times". Reading the message helps me get out of that frame of reference.

Yet while reading the end of chapter 8 I came upon the story about the demons and the pigs. I don't ever remember hearing this story before! I was so taken a back I read it in NIV to be sure of what I was reading! I wonder why we don't talk about this story....?

A real issue I have with these passages. All this talk about demons and evil spirits. Jesus heals people from them all the time. What were they? Why doesn't the church talk about demons today? I heard the other day that Wicca is one of the fastest growing religions in the US. What does the church say about demons and evil spirits?

So I asked Jeeves. I found an essay on biblepages.web on the subject (please forgive my summary of it below). Interestingly enough it notes that the King James Version (translation) does not use the word "demon" anywhere. Instead it uses evil spirits and devils. Then they look into the Greek uses of the word compared to modern understandings - which are quite different. Greeks seem to refer to demons more as simply a diety or power from the heavens - not always in a bad sense but not always good either. The essay goes on to say that the bible doesn't really go into a lot of detail about what demons really are probably because we as humans can't really "cope" with them. They are dangerous and we should avoid them. Unfortunately I tend to be more curious than that... perhaps not always a good trait.

We do know however that Jesus (especially in these chapters!) healed broken bodies and illnesses -external and internal. Some scholars have wondered if the demons that plagued people are what we consider today mental illnesses. Who knows for sure? However I know a lot of young people today seem to be interested in knowing more about the power out there in the universe - of God and of other things. Sometimes I wonder if we as Christians should be more concerned about the hebe jebe things that go bump in the night or not?

Thoughts?

God Bless you and yours,
your sister in Christ~Erin

Guidelines, but don't worry

2010-01-16T21:17:00.004-06:00

When working with groups of students of group initiatives and team building I often want to throw in a twist, something I call "Strange and Wonderful". For example if a group needs an extra challenge I may stop them and say - "Something strange and wonderful just happened! While hiking in the jungle Johnny got bit by a titsy fly and his tounge swelled up so much, he can't talk!"

Really it's just a way for me to throw in crazy things and keep my kids on their toes. =)

I have to admit I was a bit overwhelmed by chapters 4-6 today. Starting with Jesus being tempted, I can relate to that. He is always so strong and in control. Then moving into the beginning of his ministry, calling his first 4 disciples, (can you imagine being the father James and John just left behind!), and soon crowds are following him and he is healing people left and right and teaching.

Then starts the teachings - the beattitudes, lots of reference to the laws of Moses, mostly very straight forward dos and don't. But they aren't simple things, they are difficult. I really struggle with some of it - divorce, wealth and possessions, love everyone, and always give of yourself beyond expectations. Do all of this to be holy. At least that's what I get from it, that it's all about righteousness and holiness.

And at the end of it is my favorite verse, 6.34 "So do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today."

So after all of Jesus's teachings on how to be a righteous person comes "don't worry". Ah! So I strive to be more like Charlie Brown in the image above, enjoying the moment, being thankful, and not worrying. We'll see how long it lasts...

(don't you have to plan for the future? I mean, I'm really good at worrying. About others, about myself, about what is coming up next. Not so much that it's a problem, right? Should there be more of a balance? There are times where I hate Benjamin Franklins quote "God helps those who help themselves", mostly when it is used as an excuse not to help others. Yet, shouldn't I make plans for my own life? Plan to have nice work clothes, worry about how I will afford groceries... you know? Sigh...

So to connect the dots-
As I try my best to be holy and righteous, to help me remind myself not to worry too much, I have a little worry statue near my bed. He reminds me to give my worries up to God, because they don't do me any good. (and he is a little strange... but wonderful!)

God Bless your and yours ~ your sister in Christ, Erin

Genealogy - dreams - murder = hope

2010-01-15T22:26:00.005-06:00

I was very amused by this. Also interested to note (from my Oxford Bible) that in that crazy long list of names are 4 names of women! (very unusual for the time period. Congrats for the honorable mentions to Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, and Bathsheba -the wife of Uriah.

Growing up in the church, I have many fond memories of hearing the christmas story leading up to Jesus's birth. Reading today in matthew I noticed that their is very little mentioned of Mary really and the focus is on Joseph. He seems like an honorable and nice guy. Yet I am a little jealous that it was considered commonplace for an angel to visit you in your dream and share God's will.

The story in chapter two always reminds me of the terrible things happening to children in our world. How can anyone target such innocents? The scene of Herod's men killing all the boys under the age of two in Bethlehem is illustrated very well here...

And todays reading end with hope and the symbol for new life. A beautiful ending considering that through this time I hope to open up a new life for myself. (Random fact: I have been thinking about getting a dove tattoo for years.)

Inspired and Alone

2010-01-14T20:44:00.001-06:00

Often I wonder, what is wrong with me?

Over the years I have come to understand that the true answer to this question is nothing. Yet I have also come to accept that there are just things about me that make me different from many others that I am surrounded by. Ironically enough there are many out there with the same thought. So much so in fact, that it is actually a very common thing. Hmmm.... interesting.

Some distinguishing character traits then -
I analyze everything (possibly too much)
I am an EXTRAVERT - i think i could honestly always be with people and never need alone time =)
I am passionate. I believe that if you are going to do something, you should do it for a purpose!
I will give of myself to anyone in need - even if I don't know them at all and to the point where I often find myself in trouble of taking care of my own things.
I am a little person with little ears and appreciate good and proper language.
I observe people and often adapt myself to fit with them.
I care. especially about people.
I love music and express myself often through it better than words.
I don't enjoy current popular music and don't know many current famous people.
I am a hopeless romantic and dream that one day someone will sweep me off my feet in song.
I have a heart for the children of the world. especially those who are suffering.
I love to cook... and enjoy the food with others.
I am a teacher - of anything I know how to do.
I love worship. of all kinds.

These are things that make me... me. Anyone out there who knows me, feel free to comment on my accuracy of my self analysis. And I don't think that those things really make me all that different of a person, yet often I feel like I am alone in many ways. Mostly just how I think. That's a huge part of why I didn't pursue an education degree - I firmly believe that a school should be all about the students, and todays public schools are simply not. They are more about structure and theory. So I chose camp, where I can reach people on a more personal level.

When I am feeling all alone in the world I often look towards my heros and others who inspire me to keep going. Reading the works of Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu, Maya Angelou, Jane Austen, friends in the church, and many on the Methodist blogs - their insights and thoughts simply inspire me. I feel as if I am connected to people with similar thoughts and passions and am encouraged. Yet at the same time I can get so pulled into the wonderful things they are saying and get lost in it. Oye vey!

At the same time it seems to be such a strong pendulum back and forth. I feel this, and I feel that. Sometimes I get fed up with just how much I FEEL! Can you help how you feel though? Am I just naturally that dramatic inside? I love one of the scenes from one of the newer Harry Potter movies where Hermione is describing to Harry and Ron just how much Cho is feeling between her sadness over her dead boyfriend Cedric, to feeling like she betrayed him by kissing and liking Harry, not to mention liking Harry in general, and not knowing if she can believe Harry about Lord Voldemort being back, scared about if he is back or what would happen if he came back... And the boys tell Hermione that simply no one can feel that much inside one person - they'd simply explode! Perhaps it is a girl thing?

I thank God for making me who he did - and look forward to the journey of self discovery, especially tied in with my calling. Yet at the same time... I think we are all entitled to be a little frustrated with it at times as well.

So I have been praying for clarity and wisdom to discern my path and it has led me to the same answer - get back into scripture. Therefore I am asking a friend to help keep me accountable and read with me daily, and discuss things here. Let's see where it goes!! I am feeling drawn to the gospels right now, as well as trying to do larger chunks compared to smaller passages.

You are invited to take this journey along with us!

Tomorrows reading: Matthew 1-3

Why we serve

2009-10-26T16:47:00.003-05:00

I have so many thoughts in regards to the following passages:
Isaiah 58:6-10

⁶ "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
       to loose the chains of injustice
       and untie the cords of the yoke,
       to set the oppressed free
       and break every yoke?
⁷ Is it not to share your food with the hungry
       and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
       when you see the naked, to clothe him,
       and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
⁸ Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
       and your healing will quickly appear;
       then your righteousness ^[a] will go before you,
       and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
⁹ Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
       you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
       "If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
       with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
¹⁰ and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
       and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
       then your light will rise in the darkness,
       and your night will become like the noonday.

and the ever popular Matthew 25: 41-46

⁴¹"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. ⁴²For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, ⁴³I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'
⁴⁴"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
⁴⁵"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'
⁴⁶"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

There are many oppressed, hurting, poor, suffering, and hungry people out there. 1 out of every 6 people in the world goes hungry. Unacceptable. The bible specifically speaks to us about those who are less fortunate imploring those of us with more to give, to help, to serve. My question is why? For our own salvation such as the parable of Matthew 25 refers? I thought that our salvation was from the grace of God and not tied to any of our actions.

Just a random thought of mine. Really I believe that as Christians we should do all we can to relieve the suffering of others and I live my life this way. Our ministry is to make disciples for Christ and spread the good news of God's love. To love others is to help them, especially if they are in need. But like all things I need to have a clear understanding of why I do something.

I serve because I want to spread God's love. I know that there is nothing I can do to earn God's grace and that none of my actions can even come close to paying the debt for my salvation. But the passage in Matthew makes me think twice about that. I want to be a sheep and be saved. I think we all do, but I don't serve the poor, the hungry, the sick, a stranger, or a prisoner because I want to be saved and I don't believe that serving others will earn our salvation. So what do we make of the passage?

Would love any insights. I'm not saying don't serve the needy - I'm just asking what is the underlying purpose behind it, for isn't that the key?

Blurry...

2009-10-19T22:03:00.002-05:00

I love to read - to gain new ideas, new thoughts. Yet I have many in my head already. Beliefs that were instilled by my parents at a young age, things society has taught me, facts and conclusions I have reached on my own through experience and study. However they always change and evolve.

I can't help it that I analyze and think. Over the years I have come to accept it as the way I am "wired". God gave me this mind, so rather that go crazy, I must write, talk, share. Sometimes this is pleasant, and sometimes not. But it is me, and I will go forth.

My head is currently so very blurry. I have been blog surfing tonight and there are so many different thoughts I don't know where to go. Have you ever experienced that? When your beliefs are being questioned and you wonder if you got it wrong somewhere? Like the bee and the flowers, are there parts of the picture out of focus for me?

With religion there is also so much emotion. In church a few weeks ago we discussed that many christians are still eating proverbial "baby food". A thought that I question is, have we as Christians, fallen away from our most basic beliefs? Now I would not describe myself as conservative, but I would disagree with the statement that "all faiths lead to heaven".

I struggle with biblical statements such as Jesus saying "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. i did not come to bring peace, but a sword." Matthew 10:34. Yet Psalm 34:14 advises "Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it." There is much I struggle with in the bible. In the old testament God's wrath condemning so many or encouraging the genocide of a people. In the new testament, Paul's teaching in Romans 2:6-7 "God will give to each person according to what he has done. To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life."

Quite a different belief from my understanding that "God is love" from Paul in 1 John 4, 13-16. "We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him".

That is the faith I identify with. Yet is it true? Is it real? Or is it just a piece of the puzzle with the rest blurry??? I understand that many are nervous about the fate, or path, they have seen the church take recently. I don't know what is right. I hope to gain more insight and knowledge through study, prayer, and reflection with God as well as with others.

Through all of it I hope to share the gospel as I understand it. Jesus Christ came to earth as the son of God. Fully human and fully divine (don't ask me!). He preached and served all who would listen about the kingdom of God. It was not just an easy path of love and happiness, but it brings eternal life and is for anyone who is willing to accept God. We must all continue to study and pray to keep walking a Christian life. And through it all we will never be alone, because the creator of the universe loves us. Loves me. Limited sight and knowledge and all.

"Dear Lord, please help me to see the world through your eyes. To serve the needy, love justice, and worship you. Help me to see evil and avoid following it's tempting ways. Enlighten my mind with your wisdom concerning how to live a life you are proud of. Keep me on your path, and strengthen me to fight those who may call me wrong. Be with all those I know and have yet to meet who are hurting and suffering. Hold them close and let them know that you will never abandon them. Amen"

No challenge = no growth

2009-10-12T18:02:00.006-05:00

This passage has always troubled me a bit -

Jeremiah 29

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity.

Jeremiah has always been my favorite prophet for lots of reasons, and the beginning of this passage is very familiar and commercialized. However I always got tripped up on the "I will be found my you when you seek me with all your heart". It is pretty clear passage... so why, I ask myself, has it been so hard to find God? Am I not seeking hard enough?

Yet I look at the context - God wasn't talking to me, he was talking to the Jewish people who were upset at being exiled to Babylon. They just got kicked out of their holy land and are trying to understand why God would do this to them. Yet he promises - there is a plan. Live your lives, prosper, and trust in me! I am here and will be with you. But you have to go through this.

Now, I'm not going through an exile (as much as I tease friends and family for being out of the loop), however I have learned that unless I challenge myself to meet God - our relationship will not grow.

Here is me challenging myself to eat something new:

and... well... I lived!

but didn't really love it.

however, since I've gotten better at trying new foods.

Here is another picture (not me) trying something new at work:

This is a pamper pole, about 22 feet tall.

you climb that telephone pole, stand up on the platform (about the size of a medium pizza box)

and jump off towards the trapeze!! (ah!!)

p.s. not so easy with little legs!

but I challenged myself, and I did it.

I teach kids daily that there is no growth in your comfort zone. You have to step out into your challenge zone. I have been trying this more and more in my life. So why not with my faith?

In peace,

your sister in Christ~

Erin

Calm

2009-10-07T22:55:00.002-05:00

Funny how moods can be. It can be so easy to be in a mood and stuck there. Sometimes I find myself almost getting caught up in other peoples moods - or at least watching their facial expressions as we are talking and trying to read how they are and all that. It's really obnoxious to me when I can't read someone's mood! It's just another way I check in on people.

Today I found myself down. Upset, jittery... just all over the place. So I took some time and went shopping. Didn't buy much, but people watched. I love watching happy people and seeing how different people react to things. The grocery store is really fun for that sometimes.

After church choir my entire mood was flipped upside down and I was just peachy. I love how music can do that to me. Singing particularly... and just something special about church choir. =)

The other thing that can really pull me up is meditation. Beginning with a mantra from Jesus calming his disciples "Be still my love, know that I am God".

Really it is the presence of my lord that calms me, and brings me peace. Ah.

your sister in Christ,

Erin